Wow. Well, that was, by far, the most underwhelming Oscars to ever be.
(YES. It was. And don’t try to tell me that ooooooh, Tom Hooper’s Director win over Fincher’s was a big surprise, because, while yes, I assumed that David Fincher would be bringing home a Best Director statue for The Social Network, every other award was unsurprising.)
(You know how I know it was predictable? I WON the pool.)
(I do, however, love that despite everyone on earth knowing that Melissa Leo was walking away with that golden god, she was shocked enough by her win to drop an f-bomb on stage. “When I watched Kate two years ago it looked so f**king easy!”)
(I guess the Oscars doesn’t have a 5-second delay.)
(I guess that’s why Timberlake wasn’t hosting.)
Wrong choice of hosts.
(Anne Hathaway’s line flub and her quick “Drink at home!” was a lovely shout-out to me, I thought, but for the most part, she spent her evening awkwardly trying to crack jokes, sing songs, and then there was that whole trying-to-make-James-Franco-look-a-little-bit-less-inebriated task.)
(A daunting one, if you ask me.)
(No eye contact. dilated pupils. Falling asleep on stage. Wearing a dress. Franco had all the signs.)
(Of the worst Oscar host ever. Did he even WANT to be there?)
(I did appreciate Anne Hathaway’s “microphones will get smaller,” and her brown duck dance routine while Mr. Franco wore a unitard.)
(Unitards are always funny.)
(Sarah Silverman and Leslie Mann. Better choice.)
(Jon Hamm and his salami? EVEN BETTER CHOICE.)
(Marisa Tomei’s dress. The Back To the Future shout-out. Celine Dion. Billy Crystal. I was a little worried I was in the wrong decade.)
I’m currently working on my fashion police-ities for Juice, as, obviously, I have a lot to say about many of the dresses including how SHOCKED I was to actually love Kelly Osbourne’s dress. I liked a lot; I didn’t like a lot. I had mixed feelings about many, I am having nightmares about a few.
But, honestly, for me, the best part of the entire night was this moment…
Where the adorable Hailee Steinfeld, at 14, makes her first stop on the red carpet, only to be told that she has FIVE HUNDRED more members of the press to talk to. 500. You see that look she’s giving? That’s called SHEER EFFING TERROR. She wants to drop the Melissa Leo F-bomb right there.