January 8 11

My surgeon told me that I remind him of Tina Fey and that if I needed to page him over the weekend I should just tell them that it’s Tina calling. He assured me that this was a compliment. Not like that one time he told a patient that she reminded him of Susan Boyle. Unsurprisingly, she was less than impressed with him.

His assistant and I had a long conversation about how important morning coffee is and how much I was going to like the laughing gas and how much she liked my lululemons and my glasses. She is currently one of my most favorite people.

My teeth all came out in one piece and I got to take them home as souvenirs and I put them under my pillow for the tooth fairy in the hopes that she’d bring me a brand new MacBook. She did not come. I am slightly heartbroken.

The first two teeth came out while I was listening to Fingertip by Aqualung. They thought I was listening to Jethro Tull. There was an argument involved there…because, um, I don’t have any Jethro Tull on my ipod.

The second two teeth came out while I was listening to Glee. And at one point, I could swear that Dr. Gavert was singing Beth.

I was told to give in to the sleepiness when the room started swirling around, but I am such a control freak and was so afraid of, um, farting in the chair that I didn’t fall asleep.

It was quick and painless and I am so happy that I decided to go the local plus laughing gas route. Also, I’d really like to get some laughing gas to use recreationally. In fact, I could really use some right about now.

There was less blood than I imagined.

There was far less swelling or bruising than I imagined.

There is, however, FAR more pain than I imagined. I am currently taking 2 Tylenol 3s every four hours. It is not enough. My friends the drug pushers are trying to get me to pop more pills…but just thinking about taking more pills on an empty stomach makes me just want to deal with the pain for a little longer.

AND, OMG, there is far less sleep than I imagined. I cannot sleep. Like, at all. I have slept exactly two hours since my surgery yesterday morning. Last night while I was not sleeping, I watched 18 episodes of Fawlty Towers, the entire first season of Pretty Little Liars, an episode of The Vampire Diaries, and a looooot of the Food Network. And that made me hungry.

But I am not eating. I have eaten exactly two snack packs (one chocolate, one vanilla) and I don’t even like pudding and snack packs really only make me think of Billy Madison. When I tried to switch it up a bit and eat the lime jello I felt really nauseated and then got scared I was going to barf and had a mild-to-medium level panic attack and took a Xanax and then finally slept for a couple of hours.

I probably don’t smell very good right now, but watching Easy A sounds far more appealing than actually standing up to take a shower. So, laziness wins!

And now I’m off to have nightmares about cleaning food out of THE HOLES IN MY FACE. Thanks, Johnson. That is, I will have nightmares, if I could ever fall asleep…

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  1. I hope you feel better soon
    Getting more food and sleep will help but you could also be taking advil with the tylenol.

    [Reply]

    Comment by lisa b on January 8, 2011
  2. You know… you’re really funny when you’re in pain.
    Here’s hoping that your face holes don’t get full of gunk and you’ll be in less pain soon.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jessica on January 8, 2011
  3. My mom is “economical” and made me go the Pharma-Co Drug Study Route when getting my wisdom teeth out. I got the local and had to sit in a room in a nasty leather recliner watching Mr. Bean movies with other cheapos.

    Anyhoo, I remember my Discman (oh yes, I said DISCMAN) accidentally getting stuck on “Smile” during the procedure and, always one to follow directions, I grinned like a loon as they extracted.

    Feel better!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kate on January 8, 2011
  4. Oh, Ali, I hope the pain wears off soon!! XOXO

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    Comment by AmazingGreis on January 9, 2011
  5. Farting in the chair!!?? I love it! My Mom is Dental Assistant and now I have to ask her if she’s ever had a farter! Rest up!

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    Comment by suzanne on January 9, 2011
  6. I was okay with the new holes until we had tacos and ground beef got stuck in there. That shit never came out!

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    Comment by MonsteRawr on January 9, 2011
  7. TORTURE.

    I remember when I had mine out – I also had little blood and little swelling but a LOT of pain. And getting stuff stuck in the holes? SO ANNOYING.

    My husband had his out in two stints. BECAUSE DENTISTS ARE CRUEL. He got two out, two weeks later he got the other two out, and three days later we moved halfway across the country. SERIOUSLY.

    I hope you heal quickly!!

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    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on January 9, 2011
  8. Hope you got some more sleep!

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    Comment by Tammi Marie on January 9, 2011
  9. I honestly cannot tell you how comforting it is to know another vomit phobe. When I had mine out, was I afraid of pain? NOPE. Just that Vicodin would make me puke. Panic attacks ensued when I felt a slight bit icky.

    I hope you’re feeling better soon!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amy --- Just A Titch on January 9, 2011
  10. I am so afraid of vomiting too. I had two students go home Friday after barfing and I could hardly hold it together the rest of the afternoon. GAH!

    Feel better soon!

    [Reply]

    Comment by alison on January 9, 2011
  11. It makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one who is paranoid about farting in the dental chair while under the influence. Wishing you to be pain-free asap and I’m glad the surgery went smoothly.

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    Comment by katie on January 9, 2011
  12. Clearly too much medication… since there were only ever 12 episodes of Fawlty Towers. :)

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    Comment by Gav on January 9, 2011
  13. When I got mine out, I went under and had a dream that I was a spy and they were removing my teeth as a means of torture. It was AWESOME. And I was so disappointed I only got Tylenol3 bc people kept telling me about how they’d gotten cooler stuff.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Scarlet on January 9, 2011
  14. I refused to go anywhere that wouldn’t give me an IV to knock my ass into dreamy land because my Aunt scared the crap out of my with tales of hearing the teeth pop from their sockets. Ick.

    [Reply]

    Comment by regan on January 9, 2011
  15. You’re welcome.

    And I’m telling you, eat something and just don’t tell them. :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on January 10, 2011
  16. Oooof. I was lucky to get mine out at age 19, when they were still fairly small. I was supposed to have the ‘twilight sleep’ [be half-knocked-out], but apparently I was still feeling stuff so I went under all the way.
    …and as Peter Mayhew said, you could be related to Tina, but definitely not twins!
    (And she’s not the first thought I had when looking at your photo, by a longshot.) ;p

    [Reply]

    Comment by Al_Pal on January 16, 2011
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