November 8 10

So, I found a toothbrush under the sink in my bathroom.

It was black. I couldn’t remember ever buying a black toothbrush. I smelled it, and it didn’t smell minty or bubble gummy. It maybe, possibly, if you held it at the right angle, looked unused.

And then I brushed my teeth with it.

Now, before you go and judge me for using what might be someone else’s toothbrush or may very well have been sitting underneath that sink for the last 10 years….you must really understand the desperation of the situation.

You see, I live in a house that is a giant black hole. Things go missing on a daily basis. Some are found in the most absurd of places. Missing nail clipper? In the laundry room, of course. Missing bra? On the floor in Isabella’s closet, of course. Missing school phone directory? In the linen closet. Missing lego Millenium Falcon? In the attic, naturally.

But then there are the things that go missing and never get found. Isabella’s Strawberry Shortcake movie? Gone without a trace. Socks, pants, shirts, hoodies, books, flash drives, chargers, brushes, mascaras, pens, bras, games, tweezers.

GONE.

And now to be added to the “disappeared into the abyss” list.

I looked everywhere it could possibly be. I looked everything it couldn’t possibly be. I mean, you guys, I looked in the goddamned dishwasher.

GONE.

So, then I searched for a spare. An unopened toothbrush. I mean, there are at least 85,000 rolls of paper towel and probably 11,000 rolls of toilet paper in the garage, in case the world runs out of paper on rolls. Apparently, though, if the world runs out of toothbrushes, this house is shit out of luck.

I finally found the black one. Under the sink. And I used it.

Don’t judge me.

Instead, spend your time pondering how it is that I found my toothbrush the very next day.

IN THE SHOWER.

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  1. I used to date a guy who brushed his teeth in the shower. SO GROSS.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rhi on November 8, 2010
  2. When we moved last year, nothing broke and nothing got lost, except for ONE (stupid, cheap, plastic) trashcan. I am still, a year later, flummoxed by what the hell happened to my cheap Target trashcan.

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    Comment by Home Sweet Sarah on November 8, 2010
  3. As long as it didn’t smell like bleach, you’re probably okay. I lose things in this black hole I live in all the time. It’s usually something I need, like RIGHT NOW, like the can opener as the girls are waiting for lunch. Then as soon as I’ve finished stabbing a hole in the can of apple juice with the carving knife, it turns up in the dish rack. As if I ever wash that thing.

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    Comment by Jessica on November 8, 2010
  4. I had to re-read this post twice because I got caught up on the toothbrush being black, and for a minute thought you meant the bristles were black and I was all, “NO. No she did not USE that toothbrush.” But I’m pretty sure the black refers to the brush itself and not the bristles, and therefore (Yay! reading comprehension, and) I am OK now.

    Also, if your house has an actual abyss perhaps maybe it also has an actual Ed Harris hiding somewhere?

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    Comment by Kerri Anne on November 8, 2010
  5. YES. toothbrush HANDLE was black. the bristles were WHITE. hahahah.

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    Comment by ali on November 8, 2010
  6. I can’t believe you did that. Who are you and what have you done with Ali?

    (I would have used my finger, and then run to the store to get a new one.)

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    Comment by Avitable on November 8, 2010
  7. That mystery toothbrush was placed in your path for a reason. I think you were obliged to use it.

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    Comment by Angela on November 8, 2010
  8. I put our toothbrushes in the dishwasher. Especially if someone is sick. I can’t say for certain it helps but I figure it can’t hurt.

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    Comment by M&Co. on November 8, 2010
  9. You’re a better person than I am, I would have just used my husband’s toothbrush. It’s not like he hadn’t had enough of my DNA in his mouth.

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    Comment by MonsteRawr on November 9, 2010
  10. Ewwwww!

    I had a roommate who brushed her teeth in the shower. She said it saved time because she was multi-tasking.

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    Comment by Kristabella on November 9, 2010
  11. i also thought you were using a toothbrush with black bristles for a minute there. ew.
    i dont know who you are anymore- i am shocked you used it! i wouldve used another family memebers after throwing some listerine on it- that kills everything on toothbrushes!

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    Comment by obabe on November 9, 2010
  12. This morning, I found my hairbrush in my freezer. Which made complete sense. At least to my toddler I’m sure.

    Missing shoes. Socks that never had chance. Missing toys. I am down to one Apple charger, even though I have one iPhone, one iPad, two iTouches and nine zillion old iPods in this house. Where do they all go? I have no clue.

    I’d of used the toothbrush too. Desperate times. All that.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Issa on November 9, 2010
  13. I think it’s fine that you used the toothbrush. Worst case scenario, it was your husband’s. However, I think it’s odd that YOU were able to. There is a list of things that make you queezy – good for you!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heather on November 9, 2010
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