November 1 10

I’m talking about you, Starbucks.

Don’t hate.

I used to buy a lot of Starbucks coffee. Actually, I take it back. I used to buy a lot of Starbucks lattes because, you guys, have you tasted their regular coffee? It tastes like ass. It really does. It’s too strong and too bitter and no amount of cream and sugar can help doctor it enough to make it drinkable. It’s like hospital coffee. (Read: not good). So, their regular coffee, which, ps, is the only relatively affordable menu item is not an option for me.

So,considering my options, it’s about $4 for me to buy a drink. And don’t get me started on their evil fall ways when they bring back the Pumpkin Spice Latte that is truly delicious if you get them to give you only one pump of pumpkin syrup instead of the regular 4, which is just way too sweet, but, just so you know, even if they are only giving you 1/4 of the amount of syrup, they are still charging you the $5 for it, so, I usually have me about two pumpkin spice lattes a season, and I try to get the second one when someone else is treating.

Because $5? FOR A COFFEE?!?!?

Really?

It’s good. But it’s not $5 good. It’s not even $3 good. I’d rather go to Tim Hortons and buy myself a large coffee for under $2. There’s no guilt involved there. I can spring for the twoonie every day and not feel a lick of guilt. And, as my lovely boss Jen knows, it lasts me all day, thanks to the wonder of the microwave (Read: I AM GROSS).

And then, Starbucks, once you’ve got me into the store, you taunt me with your delicious baked goods. The blueberry streusel muffin, the lemon poppy loaf, the pumpkin bread, the cinnamon scone, the oat and fudge bar, the ginger molasses cookie, those mini doughnuts.

OMG.

These things make me salivate while I sit and wait for my barista to take my order. But, kids, who has the money or the 1,000 calories to spare on their morning coffee run? Who do they think I am..a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills?

And now tonight?

Tonight, Starbucks, you pushed me over the edge. Not only did some scary man sneeze on me while I was waiting in your long line. ON MY FACE, people. I am probably, likely sitting here being infected with some airborne illness through this fellow passenger’s snot-filled sneeze as we speak. BUT, I thought…SELF, be smart…the last time you flew there was a ridiculous amount of turbulence because of a so-called WEATHER BOMB over Toronto and the entire midwest, and there were too many people around you using their barf bags so eat something sensible..like a bagel. So, I did. I avoided my first instinct, which was a lovely scone of some sort that smelled a little like I imagine Jon Hamm probably smells like, and got the PLAIN BAGEL.

And then I raced to my gate so I could snag the only outlet available. And then I pulled out my bagel.

My stale bagel.

Hell if I was getting up to run all the way down to the other end of the D concourse to go back to Starbucks and stand in line for another 30 minutes to complain and ask for a refund (do they give refunds there?) and give up my primo seat.

Starbucks, this may be the end.

As soon as I finish using what’s left on my gift card. Or maybe no one will notice if I give someone a gift card with only $6.47 on it. Happy Birthday, enjoy a drink and half a muffin on me!

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  1. You can get a large coffee for less than $2 at Tim Hortons?

    I’m moving to Canada.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss Britt on November 1, 2010
  2. I drink at starbucks if thats the only option. Luckily there are several really good (I mean best ever) coffee shops between me and the closest starbucks.
    Sometimes I take my kid there because the food is kid friendly, but really? If you can’t make a decent cup of drip coffee, you SUCK.
    I’ll join you with the breakup.

    [Reply]

    Comment by monstergirlee on November 1, 2010
  3. Yes ma’am – $1.58

    [Reply]

    Comment by Alimartell on November 1, 2010
  4. You can order a regular coffee with one shot of syrup and it’s so cheap. I do that with iced coffee.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tammi Marie on November 1, 2010
  5. I sort of made it my goal to drink as many Pumpkin Spice Lattes as I could in October. And I’m chubbier than I have ever been. I think November is the month to give up the specialty coffees!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heather on November 1, 2010
  6. LOL I once got a Chapter’s gift card for, like, 18.98 for Christmas.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kat on November 1, 2010
  7. When I was a waitress I got a Starbucks card and a $5 bill once as a tip. When I got home I called the number on the card to find out the balance. $2.41. No joke.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lorna on November 1, 2010
  8. This is why I’m a coffee snob. We grind our own free trade organic beans and own a french press and everything.

    [Reply]

    Comment by midgetinvasion on November 1, 2010
  9. Starbucks is the biggest rip off. I’ve switched to soy milk which tastes god awful as a latte. The only way to mask the flavour is to add a few pumps of caramel syrup. My tall latte now costs just under $5. Way too expensive for an everyday drink.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Carol on November 1, 2010
  10. I don’t like coming across like some sort of coffee snob, but yeah, Starbucks coffee is (to me) undrinkable. They over-roast their beans and everything tastes burnt, no matter how much they try to cover it with something-better-tasting.

    There are just so many better (local!) places to get coffee (at least in Portland), that I just don’t have to bother with them unless it’s an emergency.*

    *Wherein “emergency” mostly means “Kerri decided to start a road trip at 5am when nothing else is open beyond Starbucks and HELP ME, I NEED CAFFEINE.”

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kerri Anne on November 1, 2010
  11. I agree it’s overpriced. Which is why I like to order a dopio espresso (aka, two shots) for $2.10 and then walk over to the condiment bar and use the free milk and/or half and half and fill the tiny cup all the way up to the top. Then I take it to work, add a splash of my coffeemate creamer and then either pour the whole thing over ice or heat it up, depending on my mood.

    I don’t drink their drip coffee so I can’t say whether or not it tastes like ass, but they do a really good espresso. Or should I say eXpresso. Ha! I do wish we had Tim Horton’s here though. I hear they are just wonderful.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Carrisa on November 1, 2010
  12. oh, hell, I get an extra large tim’s for 1.78!!!
    nope, I don’t go to starbucks anymore… except in the summer, when their green tea lemonade is the only thing keeping me from melting.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nenette on November 1, 2010
  13. Will you still love me when I tell you I get my Starbucks for half price?

    [Reply]

    Comment by fadkog on November 1, 2010
  14. I think they make their coffee crappy so that we get their yummy and more pricey lattes instead.

    We often purchase Starbucks beans at the grocery store and use them at home…our coffee is WAY better than what you’d actually get at Starbucks. The bag that the beans come in has a coupon for a free cup of coffee…we have tons of them piling up because we don’t even want their coffee for FREE.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Christine on November 2, 2010
  15. I had a client that for years gave me and a few other people in the office a $5 gift card to Starbucks. While sweet, I couldn’t help by think, why bother?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Hilary on November 2, 2010
  16. When I am Stateside I treat myself to some of Starbucks specialty drinks(because I agree-their regular coffee tastes like ass). This past trip I bought a $5 treat while stopping over in Atlanta. I didn’t taste it until I was on the plane and it was just a regular coffee! GROSS! And waste of $5. The nasty airplane coffee was better than that!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Arica Saltzman on November 2, 2010
  17. Starbucks coffee is toxic sludge. If not for their mochas and frappachinos, I’d never go. Except I actually go all the time because the mochas and frappachinos are so addictive. They’re probably made of crack. I miss Tim Horton’s too.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angela on November 2, 2010
  18. Am I the only person in the world who drinks Starbucks lattes daily without guilt? I justify it because for years I worked alone and the baristas were my only human contact. It was like my Cheers, where everybody knows my name. And now, well, now I am simply addicted.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen Maier on November 2, 2010
  19. Starbucks coffee is disgusting. I’ll only drink lattes and other drinks. And I hate that they are so expensive. I’ll definitely take a large double-double at Timmy’s any day!

    Even Dunkin Donuts large coffees (bigger than Tim’s) is like $2.10 here in Chicago.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on November 2, 2010
  20. I moved back to Wisconsin from Toronto in 2008 and I have never had as good, cheap coffee as Tim Horton’s. I force my Toronto friends to send me Tim Horton packages once a month. Sad, no??!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shannon on November 2, 2010
  21. I hate coffee. I like coffee-flavored sugar milk, and in this arena, most people seem to agree, Starbucks is kickin.
    Extra-caramel macchiato every time I have the chance… sigh. Angela said it, they’re probably made of crack.

    [Reply]

    Comment by @adelas on November 2, 2010
  22. I get my Starbucks for only 2.00 or 2.10 if I don’t bring my re-useable cup. I order a Misto but I order it this way. The BOLD coffee, add steamed milk, and my fav syrup-SFV usually- and pay with my registered Starbucks card. Which gives me a free coffee for my birthday, they send you a postcard/gift card. Don’t pay for the steamed milk or the syrup, it’s basically a Misto for free.

    I will probably break up with Starbucks, I get too many gc’s as gifts.

    [Reply]

    Comment by NaomiJesson on November 2, 2010
  23. I meant to say probably NEVER breakup with them. Heh.

    [Reply]

    Comment by NaomiJesson on November 2, 2010
  24. Naomi…I am super impressed at how you’ve figured out how to work the Starbucks system. It’s awesome!

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on November 2, 2010
  25. I’m still waiting for them to bring back creme brulle latte!

    [Reply]

    Comment by zhu zhu pets on November 2, 2010
  26. As a former Starbucks barista (that hated having to do the coffee tastings! required) I know that you can buy the bottle of syrup usually. Unless they have changed their policy. So I would see if you can buy a thing of pumpkin spice and make your own latte.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jenn on November 2, 2010
  27. I forgot to write that if your card is registered – all milks(except soy) & syrups are FREE!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Naomi Jesson on November 3, 2010
  28. Okay I have to say this…and you need to know, I am a SB addict. The ones in stores, malls, airports and anywhere, that isn’t a stand alone SB, are not real Starbucks. They are privately owned, so they pay SB for the name and goods. Yet? They don’t have to have the same standards. No joke. It’s not really SB’s unless it’s a stand alone one.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Issa on November 3, 2010
  29. ISSA. REALLY? Airport Starbucks aren’t really Starbucks????? How did I not know this?!?!?!?

    What about the ones in strip malls?

    [Reply]

    Comment by alimartell on November 3, 2010
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