Okay. So, here it is. Plain and simple.

Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. This is bowling dessert. There are rules.

The Fruit Commandments.

Rule #1: Fruit does not belong in dessert.

(Which is always awesome when you have a husband has two food blogs and decides that every time he makes desserts it has to be something like baked peaches or some sort of concoction using nectarines. NECTARINES, people! I mean, really, is it that hard to make a cinnamon roll? Or some red velvet cake? Or some plain old sheet cake? I am easy to please.)

(NECTARINES. In dessert. Vomit.)

There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. I mean, even the United States Constitution has the Bill of Rights.

So, official exceptions include.

1. Key lime pie. Delicious.

2. Apple pie. because, well, it’s an institution. But, I pick out the apples, because I am a complicated person.

3. Orange poppy cake.

4. Lemon meringue pie. Lemon poppy muffins. :Lemon hamentashen. Lemon anything, really.

5. Banana bread.

6. Blueberry muffins.

7. Pumpkin anything. But now that I think about it, I have no idea if pumpkins are fruits or vegetables. And then I went and looked it up and became even more confused because now it seems like squash might be a fruit too because technically, I think, if it has seeds, it’s considered a fruit…but there was something about ovaries of plants in there and I got skeeved out.

Now…don’t get me started on rule #2 (fruit does not belong in salad) and rule #3 (fruit does not belong in alcoholic beverages) because it’ll probably scare you away for good.

On the other hand, though, I am a huge fan of the vegetable.

Even the ones nobody eats, like brussels sprouts.