August 18 10

I talked a little bit about tattoos over at Juice this week, because in the same way that Oscar red carpets have their goods, their bads, and their “OMG HOW IN THE HELL DID SHE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA”s, so do tattoos. Only, you know, they are a little more permanent. When the Academy Awards are over and everyone sobers up and starts eating again, they can just take the dress off and try NOT to get on any worst dressed lists at the next big awards ceremony. With a tattoo, it doesn’t exactly work that way.

Which is why I spend way too much time imagining my tattoo. Because it has to my perfect. MY TATTOO.

You know, the one I’ll never get.

No, I won’t. I know I won’t.

The first issue is that I don’t have that one thing that screams to me. I am not passionate about one thing, I am passionate about many things. Music, history, love, books, photography, um, cookies?

The second issue is, well, have you ever been to a restaurant with me? I’m the girl who is always last and then when the waiter is all, “Ma’am, have you decided?” I’m still all, “Yeah, I’m going to need another minute. Also, why did you just call me Ma’am? Is it because of the crow’s feet?” You see? I can’t even decide if I want the chicken or the pasta. How could I possibly make a decision that will live on my body for the rest of my days?

And then there’s the Jewish guilt. Jewish children are raised with their mothers’ shrill voices constantly reminding them that oy, bubbeleh, you can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a tattoo! But it’s actually NOT TRUE. You hear me, Mom? It’s not true. Yes, according to torah law, you are not supposed to get a tattoo. But, according to torah law, there are all sorts of other things you are not supposed to do either. Also, while we are getting technical, the actual biblical words say “You shall not print any marks in your flesh, I am G-d,” and according to the big head-honcho rabbis, the reasoning for this is because it resembles the practices of idol worshippers, which, WHAT? Idol worshipping?

And yet.

There’s my mother’s voice again.

But, I often think about it. I see something that really hits me.

A quote.

Where words fail, music speaks

Isn’t that amazing? It’s a Hans Christian Anderson quote.

Immerse your soul in love

Gah. Every time I hear this Radiohead lyric, I can just see it in tattoo form, sitting ever-so-lovely on my right hipbone.

A symbol.

An anchor.

The first letters of my children’s names, written in a nice Hebrew font.

NOT, you know, something what Ed Westwick has..

Dude, is he serious? I mean, not only has he tattooed a PIN UP GIRL on his arm, but he felt the need to add the words SHE’S A PINUP above her, as what? A way of explanation? In case he forgets when he sobers up? I am so confused. So very confused.

Chuck Bass would never get a tattoo this heinous.

Perhaps THAT should be his next one.

  1. Wow, thats a really bad idea for a tattoo. My favorites though are those who get a logo like Apple, or Microsoft, or Nike. What makes it better is when they don’t even work for them or their livelihood isn’t sponsored and paid for by them. I think a tattoo should have special meaning. Your idea is a good one.


    Comment by Hockeymandad on August 18, 2010
  2. Oh Chuck! Did you do that because everyone claims you’re gay?

    I have one tattoo. I will only ever have one tattoo. Everyone always says that once you get one, you’ll want more. Not me. I have my school mascot on my ankle and that’s it. I love it, I’m proud of it, still 11 years later. I will never regret it.

    Now if I got something else? I’d probably regret it.


    Comment by Kristabella on August 18, 2010
  3. I know that for some people, their tattoos mean something very important to them, and that symbolism is something they want to wear on their skin. I think that’s awesome. I just couldn’t ever do it myself.


    Comment by Avitable on August 18, 2010
  4. Exactly why I don’t have one – I’ve never been able to decide what to get or even where to get it! And besides, I’m so not a fan of voluntary pain.
    .-= Sarahviz´s last blog ..Stickers- Suckers- a Smile and a Splint =-.


    Comment by Sarahviz on August 18, 2010
  5. I want a tattoo but I don’t get one for several reasons.

    1. I am deathly afraid of needles. So much that I am fearful that one day I will have to use my epipen again one day.
    2. They cost money. I could think of a million of things I could get with the cash that I would spend on one.
    3. I have no idea what I would want. I have told myself that if after 5 years I still want the same tattoo I would get it. Well, nothing has lasted long. I know where I want this imaginary tattoo, but I have no idea what I want it to say.


    Comment by DE Heather on August 18, 2010
  6. RE: hockeymandad – my husband works for a social networking company and a co-worker (who was allegedly about to get the boot) got the logo tatooed on her leg!


    Comment by Jen on August 19, 2010

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