August 10 10

Because, well, if you are of the female persuasion and have ever been to summer camp, you know. You know about the uterus coalition and how they all get together and get all N’Sync and then sing some shitty song like, BYE BYE BYE to your carefree, periodless days and they don’t even care if you DO have an iud and you don’t have normal cycles. Hot damn, ShaunaGlenn and her non-uterus is so lucky. Anyway, as a person who lives in fear that she’s always pregnant and takes regular pregnancy tests (TRUE STORY: You can buy pregnancy tests in bulk), I guess it was a nice reminder that my womb is a rocky place where no seed is finding purchase. Collective sigh.

Anyway, so that happened.

And then, well, THIS happened:

I got caught in a revolving door with Metalia of Metalia, which kinda, sorta makes me famous, since, you know, she’s a professional rapper now. Also, I got an encore performance…so, take that!

I got my picture taken with Ronald McDonald and then peed myself.

I danced, poorly, and then recreated the African Anteater Ritual.

I got yelled at because I brush my hair. And then I got yelled at for not knowing what a Mason Pearson is…also, for the fact that I could never bring myself to spend that kind of money on a hairbrush. $150?!?? I think if I’m going to spend that kind of money on a hair supply, I’d kind of want it to sing to me and bake me Magnolia cupcakes or something, yanno?

I found my partner-in-barf-phobia crime. And she’s lovely.

I found people who also always think they are pregnant. And also know that you CAN buy pregnancy tests in bulk.

I got all cozy with Gavin Degraw. And then he told me that he wanted me to take him home with me. Honest to blog, he did. Don’t mind if I do! He was delightful and he wears really tight pants. Also, I feel like JenBShaw and I win, because we are the only people on the planet who still watch One Tree Hill.

I FINALLY met and got to spend (not enough) time with some people that I have known forever, like, we’re talking since 2004. Like her. And her. And her. And her.

I cried during the Keynote. I laughed during the keynote. I did some doodling with Miss Casey during the keynote.

I wore many, many dresses.

I wore a bag on my head.

I learned to capture moments…not just giant group shots of people smiling.

I almost got to watch JenBShaw nut-punch two Ray’s Pizza delivery dudes who didn’t speak any English and totally effed us over and really all we wanted to do was feed her little baby fetus some pizza, but instead we had to stand in the Hilton New York’s lobby in our PJs waiting for them to learn an English word other than “CASH?”

I ate at Serendipity with people I love.

I learned a secret Mountie handshake.

I let my world’s collide by bringing my lovely sister – who is NOT Kyra Sedgwick – to hang out with my BlogHer friends. Twice. It was brilliant.

I visited Dylan’s Candy Bar and took pictures of the wallpaper in the bathroom. Because, that’s totally normal, right?

I took one of these. Sometimes being a lemming is a REALLY good thing. I heart this picture.

I got locked out of my room and did what any other person would have done…recreated scenes from The Shining, and was annoyed that there weren’t any extra tricycles just lying around.

I started reading her book, and seriously cannot put it down. She had me at Zofranny and Zooey. Like, FOR REAL. Does she not know that I have things to do today?

I got to spend time with some of my very best friends in the entire world who I am not linking to because my fingers are too damn tired, but also, because you know who you are. I wish they lived closer to me. So I wouldn’t have to cry when they left me. Also, I am really sad that she wasn’t there.

I bought some flats. Obviously. I do this every time I go to NYC, because my tiny pea brain forgets that in New York you do a lot of walking.

I had trouble summing up my BlogHer ’10 experience. I came, I saw, I kicked BlogHer’s ass. I saw some people. I didn’t see some people. Actually, I didn’t see a LOT of people howdidthathappenOMG. I saw some sessions. I didn’t see some sessions. I went to some parties. I didn’t go to some parties. I stayed up late. I didn’t stay up late.

My recap will likely be the worst one out there. I didn’t link enough. I didn’t post enough pictures. I didn’t discuss my feeeeeeeeeeelings. But, I will tell you this. I loved it. I loved every single minute of it. I am so lucky to be virtually and in-real-lifesies connected to such smart, talented, lovely, beautiful, funny, and wonderful people. I am loathe to use the word “blogger” when I describe myself and what I do, because I usually feel like it just makes me look like an asshole to people who don’t understand.

But I am going to say this….

I am so goddamn happy to be a blogger today.


    But no one got it.


    Comment by Miss Britt on August 10, 2010
    2. And Gavin Degraw.
    3. I also always think I’m pregnant. And four times I’ve been right. (I’m not going to say how many times I’ve been wrong.)


    Comment by Mrs. Wilson on August 10, 2010
  3. Your body seriously changed in that little time to get in sync with others? I thought that was a myth. weird!


    Comment by Tammi Marie on August 10, 2010
  4. I had such a good time. I miss you terribly.


    Comment by Kristabella on August 10, 2010
  5. STOP IT. I already am bummed out enough that I missed it, I don’t need you rubbing it all up in my face!


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on August 10, 2010
  6. (Also, my greatest fear is getting pregnant, so I’m with you there.)(I, however, don’t buy pregnancy tests, I just stick to being really diligent about the NuvaRing!)


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on August 10, 2010
  7. I have been lurking around your site for so long and have never commented before. Just wanted to let you know that I am still fully obsessed with One Tree Hill.


    Comment by Brooke on August 10, 2010
  8. Wait. I missed meeting your sister? Damn.


    Comment by Avitable on August 10, 2010
  9. 1. I love, love your glasses.
    2. Where is the picture of Jen nut-punching the delivery dudes?


    Comment by mel on August 10, 2010
  10. The African Anteater Ritual is one of the best moments in movies. And I love that you and Metalia recreated it just for BlogHer.

    I’m SO incredibly bummed I missed hanging out with you and the other lovelies, but these recaps have been awesome, as have the pictures, and yeah, San Diego is so GAME ON.

    I’m also not giving up on getting you out to Portland to visit before next August. (DO IT, DO IT. PEER TRAVEL PRESSURE.)


    Comment by Kerri Anne on August 10, 2010
  11. I have never watched One Tree Hill, can we still be friends? Not because I don’t want to, its just because I never have.

    I enjoyed seeing you again and chatting with you and I must apologize because I think I brought the whole period thing to BlogHer, see mine was a week late because I think it wanted to visit NYC. Which of course freaked me out because I thought I may be pregnant and we took permanent measures nearly 12 years ago to prevent this very thing from happening. (you know having babies not getting your period the night before you leave for NYC)



    Comment by DE Heather on August 10, 2010
  12. OMG, there are other people out there with a barf phobia? How did I not know this?


    Comment by AmazingGreis on August 10, 2010
  13. Potentially one of the best weekends of my life. Come to California soon, please.

    (Also, despite having an IUD and totally irregular cycles, I discovered last night that I too, am not pregnant.)


    Comment by Overflowing Brain on August 10, 2010
  14. I am so grateful I got to meet you. You are fabulous and as-advertised, and now I want to go back and do it all over again, but with more time with you.


    Comment by jonniker on August 10, 2010
  15. i nearly died when you said you knew who i was. and that you didn’t mind that i borrowed your pre-blogher post.


    Comment by tara on August 10, 2010
  16. Wait. Were you wearing sensible rain boots?


    Comment by Tamara on August 10, 2010
  17. Finally. FINALLY.

    And I went to Dylan’s too and totally wanted to take pictures but couldn’t bring myself to do it.


    Comment by Julie (@momslant) on August 10, 2010
  18. Miss you. Love your sister!


    Comment by slynnro on August 10, 2010
  19. I didn’t get to go, and I am completely jealous of all of you who did. In fact I don’t want to read any more posts about all the people who went to Blogher and met great people, I want to sulk and talk about bathing my cat. Sorry, don’t mean to be a buzz kill. Next year, I will be there.


    Comment by Jen on August 10, 2010
  20. man, you guys are so depressing me for being such a slacker.

    i keep waiting for a bitch slap moment, but alas, NOTHING!


    Comment by gorillabuns on August 11, 2010
  21. I LOVE your glasses!!!! They are so cool!
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..Better to look good then to feel good and these shoes look marvelous! =-.


    Comment by Hilary on August 11, 2010
  22. I LOVE that photo of the three of you.

    MISS YOU!!!


    Comment by Angella on August 11, 2010
  23. I think you summed it up perfectly. That’s the BlogHer at its best — being with people who get it. Not having to cringe or shrug at the word “Blogger”. To be able to let your freak hang out and be adored for it. Love you. Glad you’re back in the GTA! PS: Your living room furniture is lovely Hubbell.


    Comment by Nadine/scarbiedoll on August 11, 2010
  24. Sounds like you had a great time! I’m having fun reading everyone’s recaps since I didn’t make it myself :)


    Comment by Bethany on August 11, 2010
  25. I hope it’s obvious, but I LOOOOOOVED you. You are gorgeous, and funny and live too far away. Sadness!


    Comment by Everyday Treats on August 11, 2010
  26. Funny, Gavin said the same thing to me after you posed for that picture. I guess I was second place and I even own his music! I wonder who was third place…


    Comment by Hockeymandad on August 11, 2010
  27. Damn, you just made me laugh.

    I also still <3 OTH.

    And I still buy pregnancy tests in bulk though my husband had the big snip almost three years ago. (And, no, I'm not sleeping with the neighbors.) But my cycles are SO irregular that I'm always panicked that I'm pregnant and that the glass of wine will make my fetus have four arms.


    Comment by FireMom on August 11, 2010
  28. LOVE the write-up and the pics :) Glad you had such a blast!!


    Comment by Katherine on August 13, 2010
  29. I HATE you for making me that much sadder that I missed it.
    damn you.


    Comment by Rachel on October 24, 2010

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