July 23 10

Last night I sat in the living room listening to the mayor of Glendale, Wisconsin on the phone doing important Mayorly things, like talking about how Nicolet High School is completely under water and whether or not they need to declare the city of Glendale a disaster zone. Now, I can’t speak for the entire city of Glendale, but I can speak for its Mayor’s basement….

Why yes, Virginia, that is a buttload of sewer water pouring out of the basement toilet.

I mean, sure, we are in better shape than the dude who fell into the sinkhole in his Escalade, but, you know, almost everything I own is temporarily being stored for the month in that basement. All of my clothing. Three of our computers, including my precious iMac, and ALL OF MY SHOES OMG. Everything. In a basement that was covered in 12 inches of water and sludge, not unlike what I imagine Andy Dufresne tunneled through to freedom.

But alas, my stuff survived, because we just knew as this isn’t the first time this basement has been under a watery grave. My parents have since ripped up all carpet and put tile everywhere. But, you know, it’s not enough. If it were me, I’d wave goodbye to my lovely house on the lake and move somewhere that is either a high-rise or in a bloody desert, because, ohmigod, GROSS.

There were no double rainbows this morning when I woke up. I had hoped.

And there was a GIANT FIGHT between me and the person I am currently sharing a TWIN BED with. Let’s just say that I have issues about how the blankets need to be and when I nicely asked the person to get off the bed so I could rearrange the blankets so we would be less uncomfortable and I would have fewer chrome pieces of daybed sticking into my back and the person refused to budge. So, then there may have been a shove, but the shove resulted in said person landed ON MY GLASSES. my precious vintage glasses. Broken. It’s a good thing said person went and bought me a dress this week.

Oh, you didn’t know that I could be bought with pretty dresses?

(you would too. I mean, come on. sooo, sooo pretty…)

But still, he is still in the wrong. No matter how many pretty pretty dresses he buys.

Anyhoo…

There IS a silver lining here.

You see, my mother? She is a hoarder. And since she lacks the capacity to ever throw anything out, she is being forced into submission. Old Sukkah decorations. The broken rocking chair. The gaming system from 1972. The ab roller. The Apple IIC. The dress she wore to her first wedding. The complete World Book Encyclopedia. The West Wing series on VHS. The 150 Sweet Valley High books. Every project my sister did since kindergarten. It’s high time this stuff gets tossed…and now she has no choice.

Every hoarder needs a flood every decade or so. You know, to give them a fresh pallate to work with.

That’s kind of better than a double rainbow.

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  1. I love that you just took a potentially super stressful situation (boo you, flooding toilet!) and turned it into a double rainbow situation. Hurrah! optimism.

    Also, I think you just helped me discover a new phobia. I’m scared of overflowing toilets! Who knew?

    Also, I never expected to read a Shawshank Redemption reference this morning and yet, there it was. (See also: awesome.)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kerri Anne on July 23, 2010
  2. Please tell me that’s not real sewage.

    Please tell me that’s not real sewage.

    Please tell me that’s not real sewage.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angie Pangie on July 23, 2010
  3. Oh no! Your glasses! (That dress is pretty, though.)

    Uncle Mikey must be so pissed!

    But at least your mom has to throw shit you!

    Please to be fixing this by the time I come up there next weekend! :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on July 23, 2010
  4. no!! not the pretty pretty glasses. I do hope you are able to get them repaired.

    But that is a pretty pretty dress.

    Also those are awesome basement shots, but I shudder to think what you had to wade through to the get.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Heather on July 23, 2010
  5. just get in the damn car already. we have no rain, just sweltering hot heat. we havent flooded in over a year, and you EACH get your own twin bed tonight.
    accomodations are much better at chez katz. cant wait!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by obabe on July 23, 2010
  6. Haha.
    Andy Dufresne – who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side.
    .-= Gav´s last blog ..Photo Essay- The Honda Indy Toronto =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Gav on July 23, 2010
  7. Ah, yes – it was an epic storm last night… and that sinkhole? I’ll never tire of seeing the Escalade down in it. We thought it was bad that clean, fresh rainwater was pouring into our basement – but we’ll take that over sewer water any day!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Esther Crawford on July 23, 2010
  8. that rain was CRAZY!

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    Comment by Kelsey on July 23, 2010
  9. just water.

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    Comment by jennifer on July 23, 2010
  10. We had a huge flood like that where I live a few years ago. I still don’t understand why the put basements in homes by the ocean. Thankfully, unlike many of my neighbors, we didn’t have a bathroom down there, so we only had to deal with rain water, and not sewer water. Ever since, I have vowed not to keep anything I care about down the basement, unless it is elevated. You are right; a flood is so great for pack rats. We didn’t even have a lot of junk but it forced us to do a major cleanup. It was wild driving the streets for the next few weeks though, as all my neighbors tossed their stuff as well.
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..Sometimes it is the little things… =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Hilary on July 24, 2010
  11. My Mom was a hoarder too. Unfortunately, we did not live in an area that flooded.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on July 25, 2010
  12. We live 300 feet skyward from the nearest body of water and we STILL managed to get water in our basement. Turns out window wells turn into mini-aquariums with too much rain and the windows aren’t exactly SEALED SHUT. Bah humbug.

    I’m glad someone had a positive from flooding!
    .-= loren´s last blog ..Get lost =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by loren on July 26, 2010
  13. OMG NO! Not the glasses!!!
    But yeah, pretty dress! I could be bought with a pretty dress. Or a good smutty book.

    Anyway, I share a bed with a hoarder. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to find mould in our basement. The basement is now half empty. Yay mould!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nenette on July 26, 2010
  14. Oh no – the glasses?!? Gasp. Gav, gav, gav.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on July 28, 2010
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