Last night I sat in the living room listening to the mayor of Glendale, Wisconsin on the phone doing important Mayorly things, like talking about how Nicolet High School is completely under water and whether or not they need to declare the city of Glendale a disaster zone. Now, I can’t speak for the entire city of Glendale, but I can speak for its Mayor’s basement….
Why yes, Virginia, that is a buttload of sewer water pouring out of the basement toilet.
I mean, sure, we are in better shape than the dude who fell into the sinkhole in his Escalade, but, you know, almost everything I own is temporarily being stored for the month in that basement. All of my clothing. Three of our computers, including my precious iMac, and ALL OF MY SHOES OMG. Everything. In a basement that was covered in 12 inches of water and sludge, not unlike what I imagine Andy Dufresne tunneled through to freedom.
But alas, my stuff survived, because we just knew as this isn’t the first time this basement has been under a watery grave. My parents have since ripped up all carpet and put tile everywhere. But, you know, it’s not enough. If it were me, I’d wave goodbye to my lovely house on the lake and move somewhere that is either a high-rise or in a bloody desert, because, ohmigod, GROSS.
There were no double rainbows this morning when I woke up. I had hoped.
And there was a GIANT FIGHT between me and the person I am currently sharing a TWIN BED with. Let’s just say that I have issues about how the blankets need to be and when I nicely asked the person to get off the bed so I could rearrange the blankets so we would be less uncomfortable and I would have fewer chrome pieces of daybed sticking into my back and the person refused to budge. So, then there may have been a shove, but the shove resulted in said person landed ON MY GLASSES. my precious vintage glasses. Broken. It’s a good thing said person went and bought me a dress this week.
Oh, you didn’t know that I could be bought with pretty dresses?
(you would too. I mean, come on. sooo, sooo pretty…)
But still, he is still in the wrong. No matter how many pretty pretty dresses he buys.
There IS a silver lining here.
You see, my mother? She is a hoarder. And since she lacks the capacity to ever throw anything out, she is being forced into submission. Old Sukkah decorations. The broken rocking chair. The gaming system from 1972. The ab roller. The Apple IIC. The dress she wore to her first wedding. The complete World Book Encyclopedia. The West Wing series on VHS. The 150 Sweet Valley High books. Every project my sister did since kindergarten. It’s high time this stuff gets tossed…and now she has no choice.
Every hoarder needs a flood every decade or so. You know, to give them a fresh pallate to work with.
That’s kind of better than a double rainbow.