Well, so, here’s the thing. When I picked the kids up from camp yesterday and Josh got in the car all wide-eyed and goofy-grinned and was all, “Guess what’s different about me, Mom? JUST GUESS!” and Emily gives a giant sigh and says, “Oh my god, Josh, she can see, your tooth is gone” and he totally doesn’t care that Emily just told me and continues on all bouncy, “My friend Mario? Well, he bumped into me? And my tooth just FLEW out of my mouth! I swear! It flew across the room. And Mommy, oh, Mommy, you should have been there. There was SOOOO much blood, my teacher was freaking out! And the best thing is…it wasn’t even loose! Also, all the blood, that was pretty awesome too,” I really, honestly, 100% had the intent to stop at an ATM so I could take out some cash.
So the tooth fairy could take out some cash.
Only, you know, we went for ice cream and then we painted pottery and we took Indy out and then we watched Phineas and Ferb and then we took Indy out and then we made dinner and had baths and took Indy out and then “I wonder what I’m going to get from Gwyneth tonight! I can’t wait to go to bed so I can wake up super early” shot out of his mouth.
And I died.
86 cents and some Canadian Tire money. This is the kind of cash I carry around with me. I searched under couches and in hidden purse pockets and in places in my car that I now wish I hadn’t touched. A five-dollar bill!!! Bingo. Gwyneth’s dignity is saved.
Cut to 7am.
This morning I was out walking along the beach with Sir Indiana, who has decided that he’s too much of a princess to relieve himself at my mom’s house, so, well, he’s just not going to. Stubborn effing princess. So, what this means is that I spend at least 20 minutes of every hour waltzing around the front yard and the side yard and the back yard and along the beach and Indy does the pee pee dance. He sniffs and turns around and sniffs and lifts a leg and then gets distracted. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Then out comes my son waving many, many monies, with his sister close behind, in her ballet outfit.
A dollar, a five, a ten, and a twenty.
WHAT. THE. EFF.
“Mommy! Look at what the tooth fairy gave me! Holy cow! $36! Can you believe it? Gwyneth is the best. hahahaha! There are so many things I can buy! Yes! BEST DAY EVER!”
“Isabella, sweets, do you have any idea why Josh has $36?”
“No I don’t.”
“Fine. Yes. I do. I wanted to be the tooth fairy.”
“Did you put that money under his pillow?”
“Yes I did. Well, not all of it. Only this one and this one and this one,” she said, pulling the single, and the ten, and the twenty from Josh’s trembling hands.
“Bella, where did you find that money?”
“Well, this one was mine. Bubbie gave it to me, and I found these in your bag. I just really, really wanted to be the tooth fairy. See? I even put on my tutu when I put it under his pillow!”
I die from the cute of this entire situation. Of my 4-year-old putting on her ballet best to play tooth fairy for her brother.
Of my 7-year-old thinking he hit some sort of tooth fairy motherload.
“Josh, you can keep the $1. That’s from me. I am a tooth fairy in training.”
“Josh, you can’t keep the $30. That’s from me. And I am not a tooth fairy in training.”
And then I stepped on a dead bird.
“Serves you right, Mommy. My tooth and I think you totally deserved that.”
Well, I may have stepped on a bird, and I may have deserved it, but who has $30 she didn’t know she had? hmmm?
I will probably use it to take them for ice cream….