When Beaches invites you to a lunch with Big Bird aboard their giant yacht, you don’t say no. Yes, it’s that Beaches. They of the dream vacations for families, as in, the vacations my family can only dream of. So, I thought, YES! I want to meet the people behind these vacations I have heard so much about. And lunch on a docked yacht at Harbourfront in downtown Toronto? PERFECT! I mean, I am ridiculously lucky to have opportunities like these.
It was perfect, except, well, for some wee willie wrinkles.
Wrinkle the first: I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s this little thing called the G20 this weekend in my fair city. Don’t feel bad, I had no idea what it was either until I got off the plane and every radio station was talking about this giant fence that was built around the downtown core and that companies were shipping their employees off to the suburbs of Toronto, or even to Montreal, because their buildings are all being evacuated. I knew nothing about it until I tried toÂ maneuver my way downtown this morning and there was nothing but a sea of policemen and giant fences as far as the eye could see…and certainly no parking spots anywhere. It’s like some scene from Outbreak or something and the entire downtown is being quarantined. Only there’s no Kevin Spacey or ripped yellow spacesuits or even pre-Grey’s Anatomy but post-Can’t Buy Me Love Dr. McDreamys.
(And you all thought SARS was bad…)
So, we missed Big Bird. He came and went and I have nary a picture to prove it. It’s okay, though, I have some pictures from that time I interviewed Abby Cadabby to make up for it.
Wrinkle the second: SURPRISE! In order to make this yacht experience a little bit more fun, they decided to take us for a little three-hour tour around the harbor. Well, we all know how well that ended for Gilligan. The green began to wash over me as my fear of boats started to sink in and I began to hum a little no phones, no lights, no motor car, not a single luxury….and whyÂ YES I AM AFRAID OF BOATS. So, I tried to make Adam Stewart, the adorable accented CEO of Sandals Resorts, my focal point and pretend like we weren’t moving and that we were still docked while he spoke about the Beaches partnership with the Sesame Street characters and how ridiculously amazing a Beaches vacation sounded (and they are on the ground too! No boating required!) but then I saw a buoy or eight go by and there was really no question that we were moving at that point, which, of course, led to
Wrinkle the third: THE RAIN. It started to pour while I was aboard the ship, which meant that my exit plan was a plan no longer. I couldn’t escape outside to get some fresh air. I couldn’t escape anywhere. The nautical walls were closing in on me and, drumroll please, cue the panic attack just as lunch was served. (hurl) Where was the professor and his coconut phone when I needed him?
I did survive (barely)(thank you, Xanax) and I did manage to stuff my gob with two giant cookies and a brownie once the boat docked and I did manage to meet some really awesome people (and hang with some people I already know) but I do believe I will be keeping my sea legs OFF the boats in the future, or I will stick to things like, um, canoes.