June 7 10

It was about 90 degrees today. It was hot and humid, which clearly only meant one thing: sundress. Actually, fine, it means one other thing. Boob sweat. To my darling Isabella, however, it means…FLEECE HOODIE. Yes, it’s true. She wanted to wear tights too, but I have hidden them all. My child has a habit of never wearing the appropriate clothing at really any occasion. I mean, she’s totally a pants-optional kind of girl. And you know….THIS.

I try to explain to her that if she doesn’t want to wear underwear, she needs to learn to sit and stand and walk around and lounge like a lady. She is more lady of the night. We are working on this. I’m thinking finishing school.

But today she was all about this hoodie. So, you know, I’m a battle picker, and I wasn’t going to fight. We had to pick up last minute camp essentials at Target and hit a family birthday lunch at Cheesecake Factory. There were bigger things to worry about. You know, like, how it’s possible that my brassieres are all shrinking. There’s a good chance I am just really, really bad at laundry. Emily took one look at Isabella and after she stopped cackling, says “Aren’t you boiling in that hoodie?” which, of course, were my exact thoughts and I was pretty sure I was going to end up trying to stuff that sucker into my giant mom purse. Isabella turned to her and said, “Bowling? What? We don’t even have any pins! Gosh!”

Well, she showed her.

Also, I will tell you that I’m certain if she had said that we didn’t have any balls instead of pins that Emily’s retort most certainly would have been that’s what she said. It’s disturbing how appropriately she’s using that these days. Almost as disturbing as Timmy singing Gaga in his ill-fitted jammies. Into a goddamned banana.

So, something else that happens in Atlanta in June besides being hot (which I will never complain about because boob sweat and all, I LOVE the summer and the sunshine and I wish I was like this 365 days a year) is that sometimes when you play with your kids in the yard and then you go to scratch what you think is a mosquito bite on the back of your head it will not, in fact, be a mosquito bite. What it will be is actually a tick. A TICK.

I pulled the little mothereffer out of my hair. And then I consulted by boyfriend Dr. Google to make sure it wasn’t going to automatically give me lyme disease or something worse. And then I tried to kill it, but did you know they are impossible to kill and need to be combatted with a delicate combination of tweezers and matches?

Because I did not know this.

The only thing we know how to kill around here are the fish. We are effing gold medalists in fish-killing.

So, now I’m obsessively checking my hair for hidden ticks.

And never going outside again.

Maybe the girl with the hoodie has got the right idea.

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  1. I wish I could sing Lady Gaga as well as Timmy.

    And you can kill ticks by crushing their tiny heads, but it’s hard!

    I bet that you can just feel them burrowed under your skin right this very second, crawling around on your legs and arms, can’t you?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on June 7, 2010
  2. Holy Crap. I had not seen Timmy yet.

    Ummmm, the guy that runs by in the background, in the speedos, explains a whole lot.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Allison Zapata on June 7, 2010
  3. Timmy is all Spohr’s doing. She opened my eyes to all that is Timmy.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on June 7, 2010
  4. What’s worse than finding a tick in your hair? Finding one on your bikini line after taking your cousins swimming in the river.
    UGHHHHHHHH.

    Also? We call the only boy cousin in my family “Tick” because of the summer he fell into a NEST of them, and we had to hold him down and pull them off with tweezers, one-by-one, and then make him take a bath in some bleach. YES.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Darcey on June 7, 2010
  5. A nest of ticks? That is so disturbing!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Holla on June 7, 2010
  6. How do you know what a tick looks like? I would have just deemed it a Generic Bug and gotten it the F out of my hair.
    Also, more disturbing than the kid is the fat man in the fat man thong walking around behind him. Maybe not more disturbing but certainly not surprising, either.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tali on June 7, 2010
  7. Wow! Thanks for passing on Timmy to me.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mandi Bone on June 7, 2010
  8. I wouldn’t have known it was a tick. But if I did, I would have been CONVINCED I had Lyme disease and my life would be RUINED and I would be crazy like that Irene chick on Real World Seattle. (It all comes back to reality TV, yo.)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on June 7, 2010
  9. Now I have the heebie jeebies about ticks. I live in the sticks!

    I guess I’ll be sporting a hoodie all summer…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angella on June 7, 2010
  10. We had a mother-effing tick last night too. And I do mean mother-effing, because this mother right here is effed up. Wave after wave of fear of house-wide infestation. Grrr.

    [Reply]

    Comment by amanda on June 7, 2010
  11. I can’t believe I watched that entire Timmy video clip. I can’t believe I watched it a second time because my kids came inside and wanted to see it so I had to play it again. I can’t believe I watched it for a lot of reasons, but mostly, I can’t believe I was able to watch it after my eyes exploded from my head after Timmy’s dad pranced by twice in his sexy drawers. Lord, Timmy…

    [Reply]

    Comment by foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) on June 7, 2010
  12. just a little FYI…you can “kill” a tick by putting it on scotch tape…both sides…like it’s own little prison of sticky hell. Then you know it’s not getting out and it isn’t still alive and no flames involved.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Katt on June 7, 2010
  13. I have Lyme disease, and there is a lot of misinformation to turn this post into a total bummer. You can get Lyme even if the tick has been in less than 36 hours. Just know the symptoms.

    Because as sad as it is to say, I definitely have some Irene moments!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Brooke on June 7, 2010
  14. That pink outfit is AWESOME.

    I wonder if I can get it in my size.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss Britt on June 8, 2010
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