May 11 10

Hey, remember when I got to interview my new boyfriend Sterling Knight? Well, if you didn’t already know, I also got to interview some more Disney stars, Good Luck Charlie’s Bridgit Mendler and Jason Dolley. And did you know that I’m actually McMomming it up in Chicago and LA this week?

Oh yes I am.

And did you know that it’s friggin’ freezing in Chicago and that my dresses are all hanging in my closet flipping me the damn bird. Brr.

So, last week my friend Kristin came to visit me. You may have heard of her, she’s kind of a big deal. Anyway, big deal or no deal, I am an airport picker upper. I like to pick people up at the airport. And I’m not one those fucking circlers, either. I’m a proper pay-for-parking, go inside and wait kind of girl. I would never make anyone take the MARTA or a cab, unless you are my husband and your flight gets in at midnightish and I’d have to schlep all three kids out…he can take public transport.

But, anyway, while I *AM* great at picking people up from the airport, I SUCK at putting gas in the car. I hate to do it, and because of this, I kind of never look at my gas gauge, and even when I do, I kind of assume it’s lying to me and I really have 50 miles more until I am actually empty. So, on my way to pick Kristin up from the airport, my van started yelling at me. And swearing. And told me that if I didn’t pull over and put some damn gas in the car I was going to be picking my friend up on foot.

So, off I pulled. In unfamiliar territory. Unfamiliar SCARY territory. I should have known it was not the best of neighborhoods when pay-at-the-pump was not even an option. I should have known when I walked into the station to prepay for my gas and there was a group of at least 10 homeless people scrounging for change to buy one lottery ticket. I should have known when this very scary man with no pants on…and with no teeth in his face asked me if he could pump my gas for me. I should have known when this very scary bald lady, who, incidentally, was also not wearing any pants or any teeth started screaming “HEY!” in my general direction. About 47 times.

I pulled out my cell phone and pretended to talk on it, even though I am kind of a loser and didn’t really have anyone to talk to (ps. anyone want to volunteer to be my go-to phone person when I am in a scary place?) so I had a complete conversation with myself even though there’s that whole thing about not using your cell phones while pumping gas because you might explode or something, but I was banking on that fact that it was just one of those bubba maisahs (Yiddish for old wives tale; one of my most beloved expressions) your mother tells you, like not being allowed to swim after eating and not crossing your eyes because they might stay that way.

Well, the good news is that I made it out alive, I didn’t get eaten by any pantless people and I didn’t explode from having a fake phone conversation.

And I will never let my tank get to less than 1/4 full.

I think the husband may have made this happen on purpose. He’s so magic.

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  1. You and my husband are the damn same. He is ALWAYS on the verge of running out of gas. Makes me INSANE!

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on May 11, 2010
  2. I will totally be your Go-To Phone Person For Sketchy Situations (GTPPFSS-ha!).

    Also: I LOVE hotels that provide comfy slippers. I had them in my hotel in Beijing and I wore them every night.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kerri Anne on May 11, 2010
  3. This is why I’m SO GLAD we don’t have to exit the car to get gas here.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rhi on May 11, 2010
  4. I think I’ve gotten off at that same exit to get gas for the same reason…my van was cussing at me. Even the exit itself looked scary! Damn Atlanta!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lori V. on May 11, 2010
  5. Haha, I am the exact opposite; I HAVE to fill up the gas every Monday on my way to work or else HORRIBLE THINGS may happen…what exactly, I don’t know, but that’s just how I roll. So nice that you are an airport picker-upper!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on May 12, 2010
  6. 1) Um, you could have called me since I wasn’t doing anything except waiting for you.

    2) Big deal. AHAHAHAHAHA!

    3) HEEEEEYYYYYYY!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on May 12, 2010
  7. Scary story aside, you look adorable in that photo.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angella on May 12, 2010
  8. I got yelled at by a gas station attendant for talking on my cellphone while pumping gas. Even though the exploding gas station thing is totally a myth. No really, I’m pretty sure that Mythbusters proved it was fake.

    [Reply]

    Comment by hillary on May 12, 2010
  9. I’ll be your huckleberry.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on May 14, 2010
  10. Oh, and you look like a more adorable Tina Fey all bundled up in that robe.

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    Comment by Avitable on May 14, 2010
  11. um, that is totally a myth! my husband still nags me about it all the time though. like i have time to interrupt my phone calls to pump gas. i googled it to prove to him its a wive’s tale. cause everything on google is true. right?

    [Reply]

    Comment by themrs on May 15, 2010
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