As soon as I say the words, “hey, why don’t we watch…” I just know it’s going to end badly. And it’s not that I have bad taste in movies. On the contrary, I think possessing a certain, je ne se quois, mix of tastes that range from the stupid silly to the film-festivalesque, off-beat artsy; from the period documentary to the suspense thriller makes me well-rounded. But, taste in movies, as in books and restaurants and tv shows, are so personal. And I? Always seem to suggest the wrong thing to the wrong people. When I suggested we watch Anchorman, I assumed everyone would like it. And, sadly, I was the only one in the room ready to watch it again when the credits came up. When I forced my sister to watch Moulin Rouge, she got bored halfway through and left the room. When I dragged my friends to see Brokeback Mountain, they left unimpressed and uncomfortable. I recommended Across the Universe to my sister-in-law and she HATED it. I suggested Slumdog Millionaire to my brother and he didn’t even go and see it with us…and opted, instead, to see something else. My friends did not see the beauty in The Darjeeling Limited. And don’t even get me started on when we watched American Beauty with my parents. Don’t even. (I have three words for you: Shower. Masturbation. Scene.)(To which my mother’s reaction was, “OH!”)
So, well, I have given up, for the most part. When someone wants to see a movie, I’m all, “hey! what are you in the mood to see?” and then the onus is on THEM and no longer on ME. I don’t have the spend the entire time looking over my shoulder wondering if they hate it, wondering if they are silently cursing me all “I cannot believe Ali forced me to sit through this crap. Again.” No, now I get to do it to them. “I cannot believe my friends forced me to sit through Sex and the City. There’s no way in hell I will see the second one. No way. I’d rather lick a New York City cab, or drink the water from my Grandma’s nursing home pool.”
(Although, in the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you this. Every movie I have seen in the theater this year has either required 3D glasses or had singing chipmunks in it or a babysitting Jackie Chan. #ThreeKidsWhoChooseYourMoviesFTW!)
But I really wanted to see An Education. And not just because I needed to see Peter Sarsgaard redeem himself from that horrific display in Orphan (that…for the record, I would NEVER suggest that anyone see with me), but because it was a movie right up my alley. 60s England? check. Film Festival? check. Emma Thompson? check.
So, you know where this is going, right?
Guess who sat through the entire film all, “I’m so glad I saw this movie. Also, I kind of want to make out with Carey Mulligan right now, even though I have seen pictures of her canoodling with Shia LaBeouf and that’s just gross…But, WOW. She is flawless in this role. She’s very Audrey Tautou in Amelie. Yes, I definitely want to make out with her.”
And guess who sat through the film all, “Oh my god, I can’t believe you made me watch this movie. This is creepy and uncomfortable and I can’t believe you like this. Can we turn it off? And seriously? Carey Mulligan? Isn’t she prepubescent? And this dude reminds me way too much of Ewan Mcgregor and hey, don’t you think it’s weird that they didn’t get an actual British actor to play this dude and got an American dude who keeps losing his accent? I think I’d rather watch Gossip Girl.”
So, yeah, I really am done making people watch things with me now.
Well, I will be, right after we watch Gossip Girl.