March 29 10

Even though it’s my 31st Passover on this earth, I am still both fascinated and baffled by this holiday of ours. I have said this before, so it should come as no surprise…I love the traditions of my religion. I love what my children learn about holidays. Before each one, my children come home with bags full of projects and songs and a full understanding of what the holiday is all about. I mean, Isabella is only four, but she can tell you exactly what happens at a Passover seder and she can sing you at least 18 songs and can explain why we eat matzo…I mean, she learned it all on her matzo factory trip. She even got a hat and her own homemade matzo (that she forced me to taste. barf) to prove it. Emily came home with a handmade clay bowl and pitcher that she made Ghost-style all by herself and she’s thrilled to be able to use it when we wash our hands at the seder table. Josh made a tray with each of the ten plagues on it for the part of the seder where we discuss the frogs and the lice and the vermin and the blood and all that jazz.

This is the lovely part of the holiday. The part that makes me proud of our Jewish heritage. I mean, and you know, the mandatory 4 cups of wine is a nice bonus too.

But then there is this kind of, well, ridiculous part. The part that takes away from the loveliness of the holiday that is supposed to celebrate the Jews getting freed from the slavery of Pharaoh. There’s this part about the rules. The nitty gritty bizarreness that I still don’t understand. The almost-month of preparation that goes into an 8-day holiday. The day before the holiday where you can’t eat any more non-kosher for passover food, but yet you still aren’t allowed to eat Passover food, so essentially you race to eat your last bread at 10am, but then you can’t really eat Passover food until the seder…like 9pm. That’s a fun one, let me tell you. The cooking – in different pots and pans than usual. The changing over of your kitchen – the pouring of boiling water over your granite countertops, or actually COVERING your non-granite countertops. The food restrictions.

I mean, I GET the reason for why we eat no leavening. I get that the Jews left Egypt in such haste that they didn’t have time to let their bread rise, so ended up eating unleavened matzo type deals on their way out of Egypt. So now, many many many years later, we are still eating the hastily made bread. See? WE ARE BIG ON THE SYMBOLISM. And I even get this rule that you aren’t allowed to eat the five grains that you normally make bread out of…wheat, oat, barley, spelt and rye. Fine, I get it. But then somewhere along the line, some rabbis decided that HEY! maybe you can make bread of corn, rice, peanuts, and legumes, so HUZZAH! those are no longer allowed either…and you know what than means, good people, don’t you…NO DIET COKE because wouldn’t you know that almost everything you eat in this world is made with CORN.

This is something many rabbis will tell you is ridiculous and makes little to no sense.

(I like those rabbis)

________________________________________________

Imagine this little scenario….

GOD: Moses and Co…please don’t eat any leavened bread.

MOSES: So, you are saying that we shouldn’t eat bread for 8 days?

GOD: YES! Don’t eat bread. Or any of the other 5 main grains.

MOSES: So, wait, God, you are saying that we shouldn’t eat anything else either, right? like corn or beans or rice, right?

GOD: Moses, are you not listening? I said BREAD. BREAD. BREAD.

MOSES: So, wait, you are saying we should buy all new pots and pans and boil our kitchens and make ourselves crazy buying insanely expensive fancy rabbi-certified stuff and we can’t use our dishwashers? Are you mad??

GOD: Moses, I said BREAD. wheat, barley, oats, rye, spelt. and PS, Mo, what the heck is a dishwasher?

MOSES: So, wait, you are saying that we can’t drink diet coke and can’t go to Starbucks, right?

GOD: What in MY NAME IS A STARBUCKS?

________________________________________________

OH! And you want to talk about quinoa. Two years ago THE RABBIS said that quinoa is kosher for passover. Last year THE RABBIS said it wasn’t. This year there are some that say it is and some that say it isn’t. WHAT? It’s like a rabbi contest, and the forget what this holiday is all about.

Guess what Rabbi Ali thinks about quinoa….

AND COFFEE OH MY GOD THE COFFEE.

Guess what’s in coffee? coffee beans. But still, you need to be told which coffee is good enough….because you know, back in Egypt, which kind of coffee the Jews were drinking as they ran hastily out of Egypt and away from slavery was super important. You see where I am going with this? It’s COFFEE.

So, I did some digging and found that other people think the rabbis need to stop competing for the biggest wiener and the biggest passover restriction and found on the OU website….which is considered to be good authority…

So, guess who is eating quinoa and drinking Starbucks this week?

OH YEAH. I am such a rebel.

-
  1. http://www.oukosher.org/index......ticle/5704

    [Reply]

    Comment by OU on March 29, 2010
  2. You are an awesome Super-Jew. Enjoy the holiday, babe!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Grumble Girl on March 29, 2010
  3. YES OU with the bum email address…what about this here??? when you search the site for starbucks…THIS comes up:
    http://oukosher.org/index.php/.....31735f4a2/

    and it says NO ouP is required on starbucks.

    I’m just saying.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on March 29, 2010
  4. Chill out, they are pointing out the instant coffee, because it’s not automatically kosher. Regular brew is.

    Happy Pesach. Try and make it more meaningful.

    [Reply]

    Comment by OU on March 29, 2010
  5. It seems complicated.

    I’m glad I’m Anglican – this weekend I have permission to eat copious amounts of chocolate :)

    Happy Passover!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah on March 29, 2010
  6. Ahh, religions and their rules. I really think that when it comes down to it, will you not go to heaven because you had some Starbucks Via? Or because I ate meat on Fridays during Lent?

    I think God cares more about whether we’re good people and not murderers!

    SEE YOU IN LIKE 24 HOURS!!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on March 29, 2010
  7. I take it from OU here that Judaism is a lot like Catholicism in the guilt department? LOL

    Enjoy the holiday, and rejoice in the fact that God has better things to do than smite people for drinking Coke and coffee ;)
    .-= loren´s last blog ..The most popular vegetable gardening drug dealers on the block =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by loren on March 29, 2010
  8. Hi Ali, happy passover! I am nowhere even close to as observant as I was when I lived @ home w/my parents but one thing I enjoyed the most about Passover was how positively delicious ‘real food’ was after those 8 days. I also have really fond memories of all of the matzo-inspired meals my mom made for us as kids (nothing fancy, just matzo in warm milk w/sugar in the mornings and matzo pizza for lunch) and I’m sure you’re creating the same memories for your little ones. Enjoy!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on March 29, 2010
  9. Ooh, you’re totally going to Jewish hell, which is kind of like Wisconsin.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on March 29, 2010
  10. If you’re going to hell for those infractions, I’ll be right there beside you. Catholic girl over here enjoys meat on Good Friday and on countless times has had Communion WITHOUT having gone to Confession. Ooooo, scary…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nenette on March 29, 2010
  11. i am right with you about passover: i love the traditions. i love the fact that all the jews in the world are doing the same things… i can, however, do without the food changes..

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rachel on March 29, 2010
  12. Actually, the best part is that half of the Jews, many of whom are WAY more observant than I am, are allowed to eat rice, beans and corn, while the other half are told that they’re in big big trouble if they do. Go figure that one out.
    Or why dog food has to be kosher for pesach. I swear I’m not eating my dog’s food.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Tali on March 29, 2010
  13. I was at my brother’s house a few weeks ago and had some Coke. It tasted different and asked what was different about it. It turns out it was Kosher Coke. He also had bought Kosher Diet Coke, both by mistake. This was in Milton, Ontario. I would guess they would have it in the states as well.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sharon on March 29, 2010
  14. Heh – as a Catholic, I totally get the need once in a while to stop and go “OK, wait a minute. I think we passed symbolism like 148 rules ago and.. uh… really?!?!”

    Of course, Catholics are also kinda the kings of loopholes, so there’s that.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss Britt on March 29, 2010
  15. Wow I just read your link for “Passover”, I never knew what is was, so thanks. Fair play to you for sticking to the rules. I wonder do some Jewish people get a little lapse like us Catholics with the whole not eating certain foods during Lent. Happy Passover to you and your family.

    [Reply]

    Comment by J from Ireland on March 29, 2010
  16. GOD SAYS WHAT IN MY NAME! OMG funniest line ever! I love Jewish school by the way.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on March 29, 2010
  17. Indeed it appears that Passover is gluten friendly! Just add that to my “wish I was Jewish” list.

    But for reals, I think Judaism rocks and holiday and tradition and togetherness.

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on March 29, 2010
  18. BUT…if you like non-diet, sugary Coke, it is the best time of the year to have it. If it’s kosher for Passover, it’s made with sugar and not corn syrup. It’s like a taste of childhood.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mac & Cheese on March 30, 2010
  19. OMG did OU just bitch you out?
    AH!

    You forgot to mention that Sephardics are allowed to eat rice, while ashkenazi’s arent. I dont go crazy on my passover cleaning like you do. I used to, but alas no more. I figure G-D will be ok if I didnt sweep that old cheerios under my boiler.
    Sephardics are allowed to eat corn as well. I never heard of this no corn thing? That is super weird.
    All I know is, we eat matza because we are saluting those who left egypt. Traditions. I get it. But having to make sure coffee is kosher for passover and what not- has totally lost its meaning.
    I also get pissed off when I see kosher for passover frozen pizza. Doesnt that defeat the purpose?
    I could write a whole essay on this. But I wont. Because I’m lazy. Lazy enough tot leave the cheerio under the boiler.
    .-= Gemini-Girl´s last blog ..Do they make Kosher for Passover Deep- Fried Oreos? =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Gemini-Girl on March 31, 2010
  20. I realize that this is not Metalia’s Ask-A-Jew blog, but could you tell me why you have to put boiling water on your countertops and not use your dishwasher?

    Happy Passover!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Corey on March 31, 2010
  21. I’m a newbie..visiting over from WorkingMomFence- Love your blog! I snickered in the office (I can’t give away what I’m not hard at work on that spreadsheet, but rather taking a break to grab on to my sanity)

    [Reply]

    Comment by angryworkingmom on March 31, 2010
  22. Your daughter could sing the 4 questions!? She went to a Matzoh FACTORY? You are ACTUALLY making me wish my kids were in Jewish school right now. That hasn’t happened in 4.5 years…..

    [Reply]

    Comment by Haley-O (Cheaty) on March 31, 2010
  23. COREY – I will attempt to answer you question!

    For Passover, you must do something to your home which is called “Kashering” which means making it kosher. In addition to removing all leavened goods and anything that is considered CHAMETZ (aka. not kosher for Passover), you must also NOT USE any utensils – pots, pans, silverware etc. that was used for food that was CHAMETZ. And all cooking surfaces need to be cleaned of all chametz as well…
    so, there are different things that can be done to different surfaces…depending on whether or not they are porous. So granite countertops can be kashered with boiling water, whereas formica countertops need to be COVERED completely.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on March 31, 2010
  24. So last year, I actually was in Jerusalem for Passover. Not for fun though, my kid was in the NICU. Sad.

    But a friend of ours tried to steal a box of non-kosher-for-passover chocolate that was being hidden by this big sheet in the grocery store.

    When the cashier rung it up, a huge red Jewish star started flashing on the screen. The cashier got so flustered that he had just TOUCHED chametz that he started screaming in Hebrew.

    You think I’m joking but I’m not.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. Especially the bit where God takes his own name in vain. Brilliant.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah M. on April 2, 2010
  25. Independent of my personal feelings, I feel it important to point out the following message from the OU website: Important Note about Passover Product Search – March 31
    Due to a technical error the requirement of an OU-P for numerous Passover products was inadvertently switched in our online Passover product search program, leading some to believe that various products do not require an OU-P (when in fact they do require). Included in this, but not limited to, are many various dairy products. These products all require an OU-P to be acceptable for Passover. The error has been fixed.
    More information »

    [Reply]

    Comment by Seth G on April 8, 2011
-

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

css.php