March 10 10

So, here’s the thing. Girls with my genetic makeup were not built for running. No. Short Jewish girls of Eastern European descent were not meant to run anywhere other than towards a bakery or a good shoe sale. It’s true. I do not belong on a treadmill or on the side of the road donning short shorts. Have you seen the length of my midget pulkes? Dudes, my little legs are getting me nowhere fast. And regardless of where I am going, I should never been seen in shorts of any kind. Shudder.

Because of this, I have stopped running. Because, I mean, seriously. No amount of running is ever going to give me Halle Berry arms or a Jessica Biel belly. An asthma attack and sore calves maybe, but that’s about it. So, that’s it. Done. Also, I’m pretty sure I might have quit running because it was plum becoming too trendy. Everyone is running these days. 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, marathons. Hell, even my kids are running at school. You aren’t somebody unless you are getting off the couch and getting a good running mix for your ipod and buying water bottle belts, OMG. (Obviously I was high when I bought that thing) It was like that time in 2007 and I was all, “You all, you need to listen to Fans by Kings of Leon,” and you were all “stop throwing your crappy music at me Ali” and then all of a sudden the whole world was all hopped up on Sex on Fire and they were like, “Ali, you need to listen to this great new band called Kings of Leon” and then I stopped listening to them because they were too popular. Running is kind of like that for me.

Only not really. Mostly I’m just jealous of runners who have actual legs and can walk into a store and buy jeans without having to spend an extra $20 to take them to a tailor who can lop off 6 inches and do a wicked original hem.

Well, either way, I’m starting a new trend.


(or, if we substitute an “a” for an “I”, Shauna Glenn is totally on board for the bAking trend.)

You heard it here first.

2010 is the year of the bike.

So, just as soon as I put down my fork and stop shoveling this, um, red velvet cheesecake into my gob, I’m going to run walk right out and get me a shiny and fancy new bike. Yes! I need a bike! Remember when I totally shredded my ankle and couldn’t continue my run and hopped on the stationary bike and had a gay old time and burned a crapload of calories and actually felt good after biking 15 miles and not how I felt after, like, 3 mile runs which was mostlydead?

I mean, they DO make bikes for midgets, right?

And maybe I’ll start a fashion trend while we are at it because I have this fancy fuel belt that needs to be put to good use.

If you want to see more of me – and, I mean, obviously, you do – you can read my latest entertainment news over at Juice, my latest outfit over at The Urban Closet, my latest advice over at So You Want It, and my latest blathering over at Aiming Low.

  1. I do interval running on the treadmill. Love it.
    You’re right about it becoming trendy. Everywhere I go there are running clubs, running groups, runners everywhere…
    I think you’re at the beginning of a new trend. They are a couple of long distance bikes groups starting up in this area. So enjoy it while it’s yours!


    Comment by Christine on March 10, 2010
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  3. i dont bike ride. not into that trend at all, but my sister used to do it before she started running…. it can make a comeback.


    Comment by rayli on March 10, 2010
  4. I think Biking is way better than running. But I’ll be happy if nobody else starts doing it and my trails stay clear :D


    Comment by MBonn on March 10, 2010
  5. Honey, I’ll go biking with you! I have a bike that I spent a ton of money on fixing last summer (new tubes & tires, new brakes, new handlebar tape), and haven’t taken it out but twice… okay, I might be afraid of clipping into the pedals, but I’ll get over it.

    Also, if that fancy water belt needs a home, I know of someone doing a half marathon in two weeks who’s fuel belt got lost in the house move!


    Comment by Darcey on March 10, 2010
  6. Hmmm, maybe I should take up biking. I’m definitely not a runner either (HATE IT!) and I really need to start getting some exercise. And! It’s getting warmer here, FINALLY!


    Comment by Kristabella on March 10, 2010
  7. I plan to start biking again after tax season (So, May). We could keep each other accountable…


    Comment by Angella on March 10, 2010
  8. I heard Starbucks in TO has finally brought red velvet cupcakes here. Finally!!! Why is that treat nowhere to be found in Canada?!


    Comment by Maria on March 10, 2010
  9. I had my first red velvet cupcake at Starbucks in Vancouver. I guess they brought them in for the Olympics. You can be credited for getting me to try Ali. My butt thanks you. I have big plans for biking to work, as soon as the snow melts :)


    Comment by Heather on March 10, 2010
  10. So with you on running. And wanting a bike. Move to ATL, both of us, and become neighbors? Can Emily come too?


    Comment by slynnro on March 10, 2010
  11. You’re going to bike in Canada? Like, outside? Isn’t it cold up there?


    Comment by muskrat on March 10, 2010
  12. I’m sticking to running because it’s cheap and convenient (minus convenient when you live in NYC and you have to dodge all the slow walkers). But I did cut down on running once my legs bulked up too much and I was on my way to looking like an Olympian Speed Skater. Yikes.


    Comment by Tali on March 11, 2010
  13. Just don’t get into a bike accident because then EVERYONE will judge you for not wearing underpants.


    Comment by Avitable on March 15, 2010
  14. Dude, that water belt is totally the tits. I can definitely see you wearing that while you’re biking. ;)


    Comment by sam {temptingmama} on March 17, 2010

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