February 5 10

In exactly one day, I will be putting my firstborn on an airplane and I will not see her for 16 days. Not only that, I am sending her halfway across the world so she can be in Israel for her oldest cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. The problem is that I agreed to this when Emily was about 4-years-old and she convinced my inlaws to take her. She has been waiting for this for 5 years. And I have been in denial for about that long. I mean, it’s not like I’m a – GASP – helicopter mom. I’ve left her before. I believe in babysitters. I had a nanny for six years. Sure, I’ve hauled the kids with me all over the planet many, many times…but having kids didn’t stop me from going to New York for a few days, from going to blogher conferences, from going on a much-needed trip to St. Lucia with the very best of friends.

But this is different. I won’t be leaving her. I am not the one jet-setting. It’s her. She is leaving me. Going on a plane – without me. Going to another country – without me. Having the time of her life – without me. and the truth is, I know she’ll be more than fine. She’s in the capable hands of her father and his parents and all three of his sisters. And I know that she’ll be fine when I put her on a plane to NYC to spend a few days with my sister. And I know she’ll be fine when I put her on a bus to go off to sleepover camp.

clearly someone is ready. Also, possibly 16.

But me, I’m popping copious amounts of tums. And stressing like hell.

Because, like the girls over at Girl Talk Thursday, I’m afraid to do many things. Like…

Travel by boat. I don’t much care for boats. It’s not just the emetophobic anxiety I get about getting the barfs; that is a big part of it, though. I mean, honestly, how often are those huge cruise ships in the news for outbreaks of the norwalk virus? OFTEN, I tell you. TOO OFTEN. And don’t get me started on motion sickness…why would I willingly get on a vessel that I would need to wear a goddamn anti-vomit patch. I am also terrified of open water. Yessiree, I have seen Jaws and I can tell you that there’s not a chance in hell I will ever swim with sharks, or scuba dive, or even snorkel. It’s just  not for me. I’ll stick to the pool thankyouverymuch where I can see the floor.

Watching static on the TV. Oh, that friggin’ Samara kid from The Ring. Scarred me for life. I’m usually not all that scared by horror movies. Mostly, I laugh through them and talk incessantly about how ridiculous they are, especially when they throw people like Jessica Biel or Ryan Reynolds into them…oh, and remember when Paris Hilton was in a scary movie? Yeah…she was the scariest thing about that picture. There are a few exception, of course. The Shining. The Ring. IT. Psycho. The Birds (fucking birds, man. kids and birds and clowns).

Getting a tattoo. I’m not scared of the pain, or the permanence of it. I have already discussed this ad nauseum with my sister. We would get matching snowflakes on our ankles. I mean, we did grow up in Wisconsin. it’s perfect, right? No…what I am scared of is my mother. There are only so many times you can hear your mom’s voice in your head saying, “Jewish girls don’t get tattoos! You can’t get buried in a Jewish cemetery!” before THE GUILT sets in.

Going into the basement alone. Mostly because I think there are clowns down there. Totally rational, yes?

Driving my stick shift in the snow. I drive stick. YES I DO. I’m pretty great at it and I feel kind of a tremendous sense of satisfaction while I’m driving. A somewhat I’m-sexier-than-you-are feel, even though I’m driving a Honda Civic. But, in the snow? I am a big giant sweatball. I am scared to death. Seriously, I drive, like, 8 miles an hour with my hands at 10 and 2.

Showering when no one is home. Jesus, I have seen Psycho. I’m not taking that chance.

BAWK!

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  1. And for all of those things, I think you’re adorable.

    I’ll do all the scary stuff for you, tell you about the highlights, and then you can live vicariously. (No barfing in highlight stories!)

    Also? I am so JEALOUS of Em! I’ve never even been out of the country (except Mexico, which I don’t really count), and I’m 29 years old!

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    Comment by Darcey on February 5, 2010
  2. oooh- I hope she has a safe flight!

    And I hate showering when I’m at home alone- I’ve seen Psycho *way* too many times!

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    Comment by christie on February 5, 2010
  3. I’m scared for you. I’m much too clingy to my kids.

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    Comment by Maria on February 5, 2010
  4. I can’t wait to hear all about Emily’s trip! Will she be Twittering from there, because that would be awesome! :)

    I don’t like basements either. I’m a little better about it now, since when I lived with my brother, I lived in the basement, but I still need all the lights on when I’m down there.

    I drive a stick too. And I don’t mind stick in the snow. I mind stick on big hills. I used to shit my pants when I drove my stick shift car in SF. Still gives me nightmares…

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    Comment by Kristabella on February 5, 2010
  5. I think you should have her set up a blogging account so that she can write about all her fantastic adventures! Maybe it will make it seem like she’s not so far away?
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..No regrets, really? =-.

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    Comment by Katie on February 5, 2010
  6. I HATE showering when no one is home.

    I’d be super nervous to send my baby overseas too! But she seems like quite the capable one.:)

    Will send some prayers your way!

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    Comment by Kaleigha on February 5, 2010
  7. Holy crap, she really does look 16! Ali Martell, I fear for your next 10 years =)

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    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on February 5, 2010
  8. Aww! well, if she would have waited a few months, I would have kept an eye out for her (we’re moving to israel not atlanta in may/ june)!
    .-= Maya´s last blog ..We’re Going Where? =-.

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    Comment by Maya on February 5, 2010
  9. I am the exact opposite with snow driving. I love driving my stick shift in the snow. I feel like I have control. In my husbands car? I literally shake as I drive.

    I hope Emily has a blast.

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    Comment by Issa on February 5, 2010
  10. birds terrify me!

    how exciting for your daughter! can’t imagine how that must feel for you but it will go fast I’m sure

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    Comment by Maria on February 6, 2010
  11. I think it’s awesome that she’s going to get some great father/daughter time, but maybe they can fit you in one of their suitcases?

    Also – TV static? Freaky!

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    Comment by Avitable on February 6, 2010
  12. I would be beyond freaking as well. I didn’t realize for the fist five years of their lives that when I left them they were still able to go on and be productive (retarded I know).

    And when I am at work during the day if I really stop and think about them I realize how hard it is being away from them even when they drive me so crazy.

    What everyone always tells me is that they need this for them and their development and that does allow me to let go a little. But I don’t blame you for freaking.

    I hope it goes fast for you.

    Sadie at heyMamas
    .-= Sadie at heyMamas´s last blog ..Two week check in =-.

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    Comment by Sadie at heyMamas on February 6, 2010
  13. You were crossing your fingers when you promised…weren’t you?

    I can’t even THINK about them leaving me. That is totally different!

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    Comment by Texasholly on February 6, 2010
  14. I bet she’ll have a ball. I am sure you’ll be wanting to phone everyday!

    It’s hard to let go even just a little bit as they grow.

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    Comment by pixielation on February 7, 2010
  15. dude! if i see more than 5 birds together, i’ll cross the street. they’re evil together. i’m not the same after watching birds.

    [Reply]

    Comment by zeghsy on February 8, 2010
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