February 1 10

With Ali screwing the pooch again I’ve taken up her blog duties for the day.   What some guy is doin’ on a ladies blog this early on a Monday I don’t know but here I am.

I am watching Oprah on PVR as I write this.  I tried Sex and The City but I’d already seen the episode, A Woman’s Right to Shoes.  Why am I watching Oprah after trying to watch Sex and The City?  Because my incredibly hot wife-to-be is away and I miss her.  She left last Monday, our four kids in tow, for a 2 ½ week sojourn to island time. We were in a rough patch before she left.  It wasn’t terrible at all, it never is between us, but we weren’t navigating seamlessly the way we normally do and we needed to shift gears.  I give thanks often for what our relationship is – communicative, sexy, fun, – but I give thanks and praise for its functionality.   We decided together that we needed a little solo recalibration.

So I’m on my own and when I post on Facebook and via Twitter that my family is gone I begin getting messages that read:

  • Shitshow tonight!  You in?
  • Have you hurt yourself yet?
  • Call me, we’ll dine.  And wine.  Or maybe we’ll just wine and wine.

…and my own personal favourite:

  • Are you being good?

What the hell does that even mean?   This one, for sure, had more to do with the asker than the askee.

That said though I am curious about what people think a male solo-recalibration (insert joke here) looks like.   Why is it assumed that the boys go hard when the cat’s away?   We are older now, y’know.   I live with four excellent kids, one old dog, a little – but excellent – prick of a cat and my love and the last thing I want to do when they split en masse is give ‘er.  I’d rather bunker in and work every minute I can.  Then, when I’m sick of working I’ll make excellent meals and/or do a fun, happy thing. That’s all this guy needs, a little health and happiness walkin’ hand in hand.

And a little help from my friends.

Friday was Highday cause it rhymes with Friday and it was a high day; an island of guy time in the middle of it all.  I want to thank my Tennis Husbands – Ed, Dan and Mark – for the chillax.

Yes I have Husbands.  That’s what my wife-to-be refers to them as.  I have a Hockey Husband and four Tennis Husbands and a Coffee Husband and about a dozen Cycling Husbands.   These guys are all real contributors and participants in and to my life but none of them are talk-every-day-friends.  We don’t have dinner, all of us, with wives and girlfriends and we don’t think of one another when we want to see a flick.  There is no qualitative assessment to be made here,  these guys aren’t less friends than the ones I do go see movies with.  It’s just that Husband time is a little different and it’s key for helping me back to center.  From a daily letter I write my love taking her through my day.

Lover –

Tennis first.  I woke early , suited up and drove the rounds to pick up the boys in the family truckster.  Last night I thought about my Tennis Husbands and I old, our day-a-week ritual of wake-and-bake tennis still going strong.  Today, when we took to the courts, there was a foursome of septuagenarian men playing a slow, fun game beside us.  I’m not sure if they were lit or not but I can guarantee they’re all a bunch of Husbands.

Anyhow…after the pickups we drove to the courts, making fun of Dan the whole way because my chosen route made him nervous.  When we got to the bubble Ed, in the minus 20-degree crispness, sparks up a cannon and we puff daddy before entering the ‘club’.  This place is so right on it’s wrong.  Picture a posh tennis club?  It’s not that.  The Pro Shop/Office is a double-wide, one side all window looking out over the courts.  There is an old jovial guy behind the desk – it’s likely he came with the trailer – wearing a ball cap with some department written on it.  Dan has on a longshoreman’s cap and there is a gaping hole in his right shoe and I’m wearing my hipster toque, my ‘ping-pong’ shoes and a tight-white v-neck t shirt.   I looked like a modern day Kenickie.  Anyhow….Dan’s registering to play in the club’s Davis Cup tournament becomes an interactive experience for the 7 or so people inside with us.  Counter man wants to know what country Dan wants to play for and we start riding Dan about being from The Country of Handsome and could he play for them?  I fell into stand-up mode, Ed fell into tears, the lady beside Mark – who is so cooked all he can do is stare – tried not to laugh.  Dan sports a big, goofy smile like he’s wearing the moon under his nose and the old man is so happy he should have been playing the tuba.

And I took a second amidst all this mayhem and reflected on how charmed my life is at times.  It’s difficult and you and I both work hard and the stuff we are trying is risky but with that comes great opportunity.  And, for my bit, I have a wife-to-be and four kids who adore me, all of whom I love and adore more in return.  How lucky am I that each of them lives a big life and invites me in to engage in it?   I love my work.  I get baked on Friday mornings with four guys I love spending time with and we play mean games of tennis.

Blessings.  Our relationship has taught me their value and I have grown adept at checking out whenever I can to give thanks.  Just a quick little 3 breaths with not a thought in my head but ‘Thanks.’  Not sure to whom or what it is addressed but I do it anyhow because you taught me how lucky we are to have what we do.

Tennis was fantastic but the Benetti Brothers (Mark and I) fell 6-1 in the first and were up 5-4 in the second when time was called.   We’ve put 6-month-long matches into effect.  We’ll keep a running total of sets and whichever team is down at the end of the 6 months treats the other to a dinner at a restaurant that, as Dan put it, you would propose at.  I said that it couldn’t be an ironic proposal place though – like the sandwich counter at the corner of Bathurst and Dupont.  We all agreed though everyone likes said sandwich counter, the Vesta Lunch.  We should go there sometime.  I think you’d like it.  Maybe we should get married there?

On the way home we stopped at Haliana’s, a polish cafe on Annette.  We sang songs while the lady made us veal sandwiches and pierogies.  We were there not just for the great food but also because Haliana’s daughter is a beautiful Polish lady and Dan is single.  She ignored us and were all fine with that.  We ate our sannies outside in the sun listening to Dan extolling the virtues of LuLuLemon pants.  It was his opinion that Polish girl’s ass looked different this week that than it did the week before.

This of course reminded me of you.  I miss your ass.  Your beautiful, beautiful ass.

So yeah, there it is.  We men are probably a little bit like what you think we are like when you’re gonzo.  We do talk about the Polish lady’s posterior and we wake and bake every once in a while to let the force be with us but we also have deep conversations and gain insight from one another’s experiences.  We process this when we go to sleep early at night and we’re ready to put a fresh day into Drive when we wake refreshed 9 or 10 hours later.  We guest-write blogs and we watch Oprah and we miss you.  We don’t just sign up indiscriminately for all manner of pre-conceived carnage.

I miss my wife-to-be and my kids but I’m going to turn back into the work so I don’t feel bad taking a break later on to watch Oprah.  And I’m looking forward to Highday, just 4 short sleeps away.

She’ll be home soon and I’ll be so recalibrated she won’t know what to do.  I can’t wait.

Christopher Bolton gets to do what some people only dream about. He writes and people read, he produces and people watch, he acts and people notice. He is also my friend. And my friend is currently making a giant leap from the Canadian TV scene (if you haven’t seen Rent-a-Goalie, you should probably put the mouse down and make that happen) to bigger, badder, and braver pastures. I can’t wait to see where this new journey takes him, and I hope you’ll come along for the ride too. Expect him to be back in this space soon, too. He’s got lots to say.

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  1. Oh man… you got CAKE to guest post? Shit, I don’t know who’s going to top that.

    (Also: he’s totally right about the Lulu pants…)

    Comment by SciFi Dad on February 1, 2010
  2. I would have sworn that when the guys all hang out you go Fu-coffee.

    Comment by Giblet on February 1, 2010
  3. I am so glad that someone else calls them their “husbands.” I say that to my husband all the time and he thinks I’m crazy!!

    Comment by heather... on February 1, 2010
  4. we go fu-coffee too.

    Comment by Christopher on February 1, 2010
  5. Confession?

    I watch Oprah every chance I can get.

    Comment by mamatulip on February 1, 2010
  6. How very sweet, missing her beautiful, beautiful ass.

    Maybe I need to go on a trip for my husband to miss mine.
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..to do or not to do, that is the question =-.

    Comment by gorillabuns on February 1, 2010
  7. Yes, gotta love a man who misses a beautiful ass. And Lulu makes’em mo’bettah still. Happy post-recalibration recreatin’.

    Comment by amanda on February 1, 2010
  8. And now I have proof that Canadians actually use the word toque, and not ironically.

    Oh Canada, indeed.

    Also, how do I get a visa to this Country of Handsome?

    Comment by Kristabella on February 1, 2010
  9. I’m thinking there might have been a hockey goal or two scored somewhere in the mix, too. Or at least a fine glove-save admired.

    Comment by tina on February 1, 2010
  10. Lane is my Goalie Husband.

    Comment by Christopher on February 1, 2010
  11. You are a big man. Not many will admit to having a Goalie Husband.

    Comment by tina on February 1, 2010
  12. i was reading this thinking “i need to send this to chris” but then i see that you wrote it. so i’m not sending it to you.

    And Kristabella, i’m wearing a toque right now. Indoors.

    Comment by Goalie Husband on February 1, 2010
  13. Goalie Husband – but are you wearing anything BESIDES the toque?

    Comment by Kristabella on February 1, 2010
  14. Pretty laaaaaddddyyyyy!

    Comment by Christopher on February 1, 2010
  15. It is cold here, Kristabella. I also have a scarf on.

    Comment by Goalie Husband on February 1, 2010
  16. recalibration? That sounds like an excellent idea! I must try it with my husband. But he gets to have the kids…

    Comment by pixielation on February 5, 2010
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