There are things I know and just, well, forget. Like the nuts thing. I KNOW that I should only eat exactly 9 cashews or else I suffer the stomach pain of death for the rest of the day. But, hot damn, I really like cashews so while I’m eating them I simply forget my no-more-than-nine rule and suffer the consequences later. It’s the same for diet coke. I know in my heart of hearts that I have a one DC limit or else we enter into a loopy, jittery insomnia-filled territory that no one needs to witness.
But last night I drove to the airport to pick up Miss Kristin, who is back in town for another fun-filled weekend with me and munchkins. And I needed to make sure I was awake. So, I drank three diet cokes with my dinner. and then another one on the way to the airport…just for good measure. and then I forced Kristin to watch copious amounts of the food network and ponder things like the proper definition of a pig in a blanket – I say it’s mini hotdogs wrapped in pastry and she (and Denny’s) are of the opinion that it’s sausage wrapped in pancakes, which really only makes me think of that “shmoke and a pancake” line from Austin Powers (holla!) even though the two are completely unrelated. We also pondered if Duff was Duff Goldman’s real name (it’s not)(it’s Jeff) and then I let her go to bed. but, sigh, I tried to go to bed but ended up watching 30Rock and The Office and several episodes of The Vampire Diaries which you really can’t blame me for because there is just so much pretty. It’s BOONE! and some dude who I don’t know but I wish he would continue to stay shirtless.
And while I should have been sleeping I pondered more important things like why in the hell does Williams Sonoma charge so much for its food??!? The WS catalog is food porn to me (the same way the the Anthropologie catalog is clothing porn to me)(and don’t get me started on history textbooks. Someday I will tell you about what history does for me. It’s a little embarrassing. and probably a good thing I didn’t become a history professor. Because it probably wouldn’t be very professional. heh) oh yes. I mean, did you know that you can order three months of croissants? And cakes and biscuits and appetizers and candy and morning buns and pancakes mixes and meat and cheese. But, oh my god, seriously…NINE cupcakes for $60? for $60 they should be mammoth-sized. They should fit on my car the way that hunk of meat went on Fred Flintstone’s. They should not look like this.
Clearly, I am in the wrong business. Because I could make these for what? $1.39?I probably need to start baking for a living.
um, and how much do you think this 5x5x5 cake would cost to make? $2.49?
The WS wants you to pay NINETY FUCKING DOLLARS for this cake. no. I am not kidding. That’s it. I see a bakery in my future. I can kick fondant’s ass.
Don’t buy the croissants either…they will set you back $99. For serious.
And I pondered where I can get the car coat that Serena was wearing on this week’s Gossip Girl.
And guess what…after some careful research it seems that I can have said coat. For only $995 dollars. Goodie. I also pondered why they didn’t choose a hotter actor to play Tripp Vanderbilt.
And, well, I pondered this….
Now I need to go and make myself a cup of coffee and try to remember that more than 2 cups of coffee = diet coke effect. Only, there’s a good chance I will forget this rule because I will be too busy setting up my bakery…and watching too much TV.