October 22 09

I feel like absolute crap after I yell at my kids.

I spent a good portion of my childhood being yelled at. It was my mother’s go-to place. Always. Well, except for that one time that my sister and I were playing in the kitchen while she was making pancakes and, well, somehow she burned her hand on the pan and ended up chasing me upstairs and hitting me with a spatula. I will never forget that day. That was the day that both she and I knew that we would and could NEVER hit our children. I don’t know which one of us felt shittier, but from the look on her face after she’d done it, the look that I will never be able to erase from my memory, I’m going to guess that she felt worse.

But, from years of being yelled at, I became, well, a yeller. I hate that this is how I am. It is actual WORK for me to find another way to deal with the kids when they are whining, screaming, yelling, ignoring, fighting. I try to breathe deeply and count to ten. I try to walk away. I try to rationalize with them. But, you know, more often than not, it is I against them. 1 against 3. Those numbers are clearly NOT in my favor. When I am with my children one-on-one, they are amazing. TRULY.

Emily is my best friend. She and I discuss clothes and her friends and girlstuff and download our favorite songs from Glee together.

vibe

Josh is my dude. We snuggle together and talk about baseball and our love/hate relationship with Brett Favre and his newest obsession…extreme weather.and, you know, eat cake with chopsticks together.

chop

and Isabella is just my little piece of awesome. We talk about her imaginary friend Eneed and what he’s been up to and today she told me that the person she saw riding the motorcyle had to be her favorite teacher, Fredelle, who as far as I know DOES NOT own a motorcycle.

bella

But throw them together and Emily fights with Josh. And Josh fights with Isabella. And Isabella fights with Josh. nonstop. A friend was just telling me that her daughters talk to each other in the car. WHAT? Want to know what my children do in the car? They talk OVER EACH OTHER. They all want my attention at the exact same time. so, Emily yells at Josh. And Josh yells at Isabella. And Isabella yells at Emily.

and then I yell at them.

Because we are in a car. And there’s nowhere for me to go. I can’t walk away from the situation. I can’t concentrate on keeping my hands at 10 and 2 and not, you know, killing us, when there’s so much NOISE.

And then I feel like crap.

And today was no different. except for the fact that I am actually sick so I already felt like crap. I am hopped up on a combination of Mucinex and Tylenol Cold & Sinus and I don’t even know if they are okay to take together but I didn’t really know what else to do. And the meds didn’t even help me. They really only caused me to overshare on Twitter…

aber

So, I yelled at my kids today. And I’m not proud of it. But, sigh, at least there were no spatulas involved, I guess.

and that’s really all I have to say about that. oh, wait, except for the fact that I really want to buy a pair of cowboy boots – because, you know, now that I’m SOUTHERN and all I really feel like I could totally pull them off. these ones, actually. and the 12-year-old girl in me can’t get off the damn site because, seriously, how can they have categories that are labeled “tall shaft” and “short shaft”?

Also, is anyone else creeped out by those Pioner, Oh Pioneer Levi’s commercials?

go forth

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  1. If you can pull off cowboy boots, I can pull off a big old belt buckle with the state of Texas on it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on October 22, 2009
  2. I try not to yell, but wow does it light a fire when I need it to. My kids are really well behaved too, just not with their sisters. I don’t understand it!

    As for the commercial? YES. Thank you for saying it.

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    Comment by Loren on October 22, 2009
  3. Don’t buy the boots… better to buy Michelle the pots. At least they’re practical. :)

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    Comment by Giblet on October 23, 2009
  4. You yell at your kids? THE SHAME.

    Whatever.

    I do it more than I should. Sigh.

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    Comment by Angella on October 23, 2009
  5. I naturally have a loud voice so it easily ends up into a yell, trying to be louder than the children, balances out with my Man, being so softspoken.

    I also would like to venture into cowboy boot country, because hey we have a rodeo here, my choice, black with turquoise, seen on urban weeds blogspot.

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    Comment by NaomiJesson on October 23, 2009
  6. I don’t hit either, owing to the last time my mother hit me with a wooden spoon (she did it so hard it broke the spoon into pieces).

    I try not to yell, and when it isn’t a sudden thing (like say leaping on to my back when I’m lying on the floor playing Little People, causing me immense back pain) I’m fairly successful. But it isn’t without effort, that’s for sure.

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on October 23, 2009
  7. Those are pretty awesome boots. I’ve been drooling over http://www.thefryecompany.com/.....07BLK.aspx from that page for a few months now myself. I guess I want to be Mary Poppins?

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    Comment by El on October 23, 2009
  8. Sigh. I am sadly a yeller too. I detest myself for it. I only have one and she’s only 3 so you’re doing better than me. Her defiance stage is driving me insane.

    I won’t ever, ever hit either. My mom was a yeller, but also a hitter. She once broke a wodden spoon on my ass. Broke.it. Her wake up call came when she realized my brother and I had hidden all her wooden spoons.
    .-= agentninety9´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday: October 22, 2009 =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by agentninety9 on October 23, 2009
  9. Those are the best cowboy boots I have ever seen, and you have to go with the tall shaft. It’d be a sin not to.

    My parents weren’t necessarily yellers, but they were guilt trippers and I really think I would have preferred just being yelled at.

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    Comment by Julienne on October 23, 2009
  10. I yell too. And feel like total crap about it later.

    Also, those boots are hawt hawt hawt, but that price is not not not!
    .-= Liz´s last blog ..Whisker Nazi =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Liz on October 23, 2009
  11. i’m a yeller but after all the yelling, they ignore me. i think they’ll survive. maybe.

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    Comment by gorillabuns on October 23, 2009
  12. i’ve always wanted cowboy boots, but was never brave enough to actually buy a pair . . . well, that and my mom refused to buy them for me when i was younger and now my hubby tells me i’d look ridiculous.
    also – eneed??? that’s hysterical. where did that name come from?

    [Reply]

    Comment by adina on October 23, 2009
  13. Sometimes yelling is the only way to really get a kids attention – reasoning and calm can only get you so far, and in the car? I really can’t blame you. “It’s easier to apologize than ask for permission….” in this case, I think sometimes it’s easier to be reasonable and explain why you yelled after the fact.

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    Comment by jen on October 23, 2009
  14. The sound of my kids fighting is like a slow death by torture. I just can’t handle it.

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    Comment by Jen Maier on October 23, 2009
  15. When my short and loud people are losing their heads in the back seat, I just turn up the music. Really really loud. And sing along. At the top of my lungs. Black Eyed Peas save the day!

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    Comment by Krista on October 23, 2009
  16. I’m sure your mother is thrilled with this post.

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    Comment by alex on October 23, 2009
  17. I so hear you! I actually cried the other night bcus I felt so bad. I generally talk loud so it doesn’t take much for it to sound like yelling – my husband can’t stand it! His mother never yelled but then again, if you could meet her sons you would think yelling isn’t so bad. I turned out just fine!

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    Comment by Maria on October 23, 2009
  18. I think any parent who says they don’t yell at their kids sometimes is lying.

    We’re human. You’re human. And you’re also a really good mum.

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    Comment by mamatulip on October 23, 2009
  19. My mom yelled. Not a ton, but enough to qualify her as a yeller. My sister is the same with her kid and it bothers me A LOT because she yells ALL. THE. TIME.

    I don’t think yelling is bad. I think that sometimes, since they are KIDS, they need to be yelled at, your voice needs to be raised, because it means business. You need to establish yourself as an authority figure.

    And I’ve seen you with your kids, plenty of times, and I wouldn’t call you a yeller at all. I think you’re an awesome mom to three of the most awesome kids I know!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on October 23, 2009
  20. I really hope I’m not a yeller but I hold out no hope on that. When I get fired up, I get loud, probably not a good thing.

    I LOVE Frye boots but they can be crazy expensive. I mean, I could go to Tar-gey 600 times and buy TONS of crap I don’t need for the price of one pair of Frye boots. But I totally get you on the cowboy boot thing, I covet me some.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Karen Chatters on October 23, 2009
  21. Since my little guy is less than 3 months old, I haven’t felt the need to yell at him. However, I’m sure I will one day. But yelling means that the kids have control. You are at your wits end and give up. You yell. They win. DON’T LET THEM WIN! That’s what they want.
    .-= Cassie´s last blog ..How to NOT lose weight. =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Cassie on October 23, 2009
  22. ALEX – not that I owe you any explanation, but I had this EXACT conversation with my mother on the phone last night…and she agreed. We come from a long line of yellers.

    I’m sure YOUR mother is thrilled that you are a douche.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ali on October 23, 2009
  23. ever watch the Duggars? I can honestly not understand how she stays that calm.. it’s amazing with all those kids. I think I yelled more when the kids were young, less now as I realize how it affects them .. and I hope that I will save their kids from getting yelled at too! Don’t feel crappy – we all do this, but to admit you do is brave and to know you do is half the battle to holding yourself back the next time!
    btw how is Indy? I thought of you the other day while my dog was peeing blood. He’s ok now, thankfully not a tumour like we thought but a UTI (in a male .. which is wierd…).

    [Reply]

    Comment by sarah on October 23, 2009
  24. Yes, but you stop yourself before reaching for the spatula and that is progress! That’s all we can ask for — doing better than OUR parents did. And it sounds like you’re well on your way!
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Chocolate Cake for Breakfast, Lucky Charms for Dinner =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jane on October 23, 2009
  25. I understand the wanting NOT to be the angry, violent parent (violence is no answer). But kids these days NEED to know to respect adults and elders. If kids don’t get that the world doesn’t revolve around them, well…wtf…we’re all doomed.

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    Comment by kimber on October 23, 2009
  26. I yelled at my kids and they grew up ok. Well. Except for Dani. She curses. A lot.

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    Comment by Joanie M on October 24, 2009
  27. I am so much more of a yeller than I ever thought I would be. It doesn’t help that my children are simply immune to it. Sigh.

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    Comment by Scary Mommy on October 25, 2009
  28. The New York Times just wrote about how modern parents won’t spank their kids so they just yell a lot. It made me feel really crummy because I yell more than I want to and I’m thinking: “Exactly what am I expected to do here?” I don’t hit my kids but sometimes the bargaining and sweet reasoning just don’t carry any weight with them. Yes I yell, and then I feel really bad about it. But what am I supposed to do — suspend them without pay? Fire them? Give them a negative review at salary renegotiation time? Give them a bad recommendation when they interview for a new family? So I yell. And then I frequently apologize for yelling and conduct a calm conversation when everyone has cooled off.

    [Reply]

    Comment by feefifoto on October 25, 2009
  29. My mum was a yeller and a hitter. I am a yeller. Will never, ever, ever hit. Ever. So I’m trying to be not so quick to yell, but alternatives are sometimes hard to get to.
    .-= kgirl´s last blog ..elt-may. own-day. =-.

    [Reply]

    Comment by kgirl on October 28, 2009
  30. I’m a yeller, and I hate it too. Hate it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss Britt on October 31, 2009
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