There is no confession booth in Judaism. There are no acts of contrition, no penance, no “it has been ____ since my last confession” (do Catholics even do this? I mean, you know, the big screen tells me they do, but, then again, the big screen tells people about Jews and hole-y sheets…) I guess this is why I have a blog. and I have a lovely lady who asked for confessions…
Forgive me, internets, for I have sinned. It has been 10 days since my last confession
It all started back in 2008, when a story came out about Mary Kate Olsen and a Starbucks barista who admitted to taking liberties with the Olsen twin’s lattes. He came out and said that he, on-a-regular-basis, switched up the non-fat milk that Mary Kate had requested for whole, full-fat milk. At first I was all, “holy crap, that’s a dick move!” but then, after some careful thought, I had changed up my tune to “holy crap, that’s a dick move…but changing up someone’s drink? BRILLIANT!”
and then I started changing drinks.
Yes, it’s true.
Any time someone asks me to get them a coffee, I change their order. I give them lattes when they ask for cappuccinos. I give them cappuccinos when they ask for americanos. I give them milds when they ask for bolds. I give them extra shots of vanilla, or hazelnut or caramel. Sometimes I make complicated drinks more complicated. Sometimes I make them less complicated.
It’s not to fatten people up, mind you. I NEVER play around with the milk – because that’s just MEAN. And I never give people decaf when they ask for regular or regular when they ask for decaf because I am not Stalin. or Darth Vader.
It is simply for the shits and giggles. and to see if anyone would notice.
and, in over a year, not one person has ever noticed. Or, if they have, they have never called me out on it. Or blamed an incompetent barista.
so, please forgive me. and maybe think twice before asking me to get you a coffee. But…you know, you ARE getting a little surprise with every drink..
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