June 16 09

Emily, 2nd grader, actress/singer, the Jonas brothers biggest fan, lip gloss expert: Mom, what’s a BJ?

Me, choking on my dinner: a WHAT? where did you hear that???

Emily: this boy at school.

Me: oh. em. gee. what did he say?

Emily: he asked if me and Adam did BJ. or something.

Isabella, nursery schooler, awesome color-in-the-lines’er, Enchanted fan, yo gabba gabba enthusiast: Do you mean DJ Lance Rock?

Emily: No, Isabella, you are so dumb. He said BJ!

Me: Who is this boy? Where did he come from? What is his name? Is he in your class? Does he listen to the edge? Does he need his mouth washed out with lifebuoy soap?

Josh, 1st grader, DS addict, hockey player, chicken wing fan: HAHAHAHAHA *giggle* HAHAHAHAHA *giggle*

Me: What’s so funny?

Josh: Emily, you are so stupid. He didn’t say BJ. He said BG. and everyone knows *that* means boyfriend/girlfriend. HAHAHA. Emily has a boyfriend! Emily has a boyfriend! Emily has a boyfriend! Emily has a boyfriend!

Me: Enough!! oh, look! a bird! let’s have pie!

and as I stuff my face with pie and cookies and cake and ice cream, I will stare at this picture, circa August 2005…

1kidss5

…and know that my babies are GONE. why didn’t I stuff them in little boxes when I had the chance? I am so not ready for my children to know what actual BJs are; hell, I’m not even ready for them to know what BGs are….

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  1. Sweet cheese on a stick! Well I think you handled that swimmingly. Pie and cake for everyone!

    Comment by Jen on June 16, 2009
  2. Please don’t tell your children about the BeeGees. Let 70s disco die.

    Comment by Mighty Hunter on June 16, 2009
  3. MY heart stopped reading that. Dang.

    Comment by thetutugirl on June 16, 2009
  4. LOL at Mighter Hunter…

    A few months ago, my delightful 7 year old, not a Jonas Brothers fan, lover of all things wrestling, look for him on the silver screen one day, came home from school and said, “Mom, some of the boys on the bus call girls a word that starts with C…” and I interrupted and told him I was pretty sure what he was hearing was them calling them cute. Then I wanted to weep.

    (if Emily wants to dish over the new Jonas Brothers CD later, you know where to find me!)

    fadkogs last blog post..he’ll always be my beast of burden

    Comment by fadkog on June 16, 2009
  5. *I’m* still not ready to know what BJ is. Sadly, that ship has sailed.

    Comment by harmzie on June 16, 2009
  6. Pie makes it all better.

    Mayas last blog post..In which I bare my soul, and credit cards.

    Comment by Maya on June 16, 2009
  7. Well, you have to love Josh for changing the subject at least so you don’t have to have that conversation. Yet.

    That picture is so sweet.

    Comment by Kristabella on June 16, 2009
  8. Hey there. I, too, wish I could stuff my children in little boxes tied with pretty silk ribbons that slide apart easily just so I can peek inside whenever I need to. I imagine the conversation about sex. I imagine keeping condoms handy in the bathroom so my boys know they got to cover that shit up if they’re ballsy enough to have sex. Because mama isn’t planning on being a grandmama at 40.

    I loved the descriptions of your beautiful children, too.

    Comment by Sarah on June 16, 2009
  9. thank god for josh. he saved you this time. I was in the car with my almost 11 year old and the song ended so they took a call and the woman said she didn’t wanna leave her house till she got her birthday sex. And the radio person responded, I already got my morning sex… and that’s when I looked at my daughter and prayed to god she did not hear that.

    Comment by rayli on June 16, 2009
  10. Are children really growing up too soon? Or do we all just have dirty minds?

    What if there’s a really messy kid named Sanchez in the class?

    Comment by Libby on June 16, 2009
  11. Word.

    Let’s freeze time, ‘mmkay?

    Comment by Angella on June 16, 2009
  12. Hee hee hee hee hee … Ali, you are SO funny :0)

    Should of seen my reaction when my 9 year old daughter gave me the interpretation of the word “sex” the other day …
    I swore I thought I was being punished for pulling her out from her private orthodox school for girls … yeeks .. still thinking about it ..

    carlas last blog post..Live In The Moment

    Comment by carla on June 16, 2009
  13. That is way to funny. Just love the conversation between the kids. They need to stay little!

    Deborah Puccis last blog post..THE BIG BED

    Comment by Deborah Pucci on June 16, 2009
  14. Don’t let them watch Scooby-Doo either. “Scooby snacks”

    Uh huh.

    Comment by Heather, Queen of Shake Shake on June 16, 2009
  15. When my son was about 6 years old, he asked me a sex question. I can’t remember what it is now, but I do remember that I told him the WHOLE, COMPLETE story of the birds and the bees, even using the correct words for EVERYTHING(which was very hard to do if you knew me.) After my whole dissertation, I asked my son if he had any questions and he said, “Yeah, why are some houses made of brick?” Oookay, guess I gave him TMI! LOL! Should have just stuck to the simple answer!

    Looks like you missed the bullet on this one. But don’t worry, there WILL be a next time. I can guarantee it!

    Comment by pat on June 16, 2009
  16. My baby girl came home from 6th grade and asked what an orgasm, dildo and condom are…WOW! that was a good time~just like plucking my eyebrow hairs out one by one

    Comment by LibraryGirl on June 16, 2009
  17. Just wait until they ask what a DP is.

    Comment by Avitable on June 16, 2009
  18. *blink blink*

    *thud*

    Preschoolers know BG? Even I didn’t know BG!

    Comment by Heather, Queen of Shake Shake on June 16, 2009
  19. Oh dear Lord. I didn’t know what that was until I was like 15.

    Comment by Kaleigha on June 16, 2009
  20. Whoa, I will no longer complain about my daughter’s pointless, long-winded knock-knock jokes as long as she doesn’t ask what a BJ is for a long, long time…

    Comment by Nenette on June 16, 2009
  21. Josh looks so presh there.

    Comment by slynnro on June 16, 2009
  22. Oy, that picture is PRESH!
    And, I KNOW. Monkey wants to have a pajama party with COOPER! Her first crush. It’s CRAZY!

    (this post was hysterical, btw)

    Comment by Haley-O on June 17, 2009
  23. a cold chill ran down my spine as I thought about the day my kids ask me about the BeeGees

    Comment by SciFi Dad on June 17, 2009
  24. BJ??? On no.

    But the reference to the Edge made me laugh.

    On a good note, your kids are willing to talk to you about that stuff. Let’s hope that continues into the future…as hard as those conversations could be.

    Comment by mapsgirl on June 17, 2009
  25. But the real question is, are you ready for them to know who the BeeGee’s are!?!

    Comment by WickedStepMom on June 17, 2009
  26. How long did it take you to pick your jaw up off the floor?!?! I have 3 girls… one already a pain – 2 more on the way – where’s that damned time machine…

    Comment by ian on June 17, 2009
  27. Oh, my GOD. I AM NOT READY FOR SHIT LIKE THIS, ALI. Fortunately, you’ll have weathered the storm by the time I come to you, freaking out. :)

    Comment by metalia on June 17, 2009
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