May 20 09

these may appear to be your average run-of-the-mill steel-toed booties.

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and you may remember them from such trips as McAli takes Edmonton. but, sigh, you would be wrong to think that they are just any old protective footgear. oh no, these puppies were exactly 87 sizes too big for my wee feet and therefore had to be stuffed with buttloads of paper towels to attempt to make them stay on my feet.

which, of course, they didn’t.

so, I hobbled through the fruit and veggie plant like Quasimodo.

quasi

awesome.

which somehow is a perfect segue into the things that are annoying me right now…

like when people leave their shopping carts in the middle of a parking spot. come on, people, how hard is it to take your cart back to the little cart corral. really?

and speaking of corrals…restaurants that have names like “Golden Corral”? um, WHAT? do you know what a corral is? aha! I will tell you if you do not:

-noun – an enclosure or pen for horses, cattle, etc.

who was the genius behind this? oh, Ted, I know! let’s call it the golden corral! maybe instead of tables we can make all the customers eat from troughs! and while we are on the topic of poorly named restaurants, can we talk about the poorly named DRESS BARN? because, I’m assuming that while you may have need a definition for corral, you most certainly do not need one for BARN. and I probably also don’t need to tell you that I bet it’s the same genius behind this one. oh, Ted, I know! let’s call it the Dress Barn! Both women AND livestock can come from far and near for some new duds!

dress-barn

and another thing that annoys me? when I cannot – for the life of me – figure out how to get an automatic faucet to go on. Seriously. I wave my hands sometimes for about ten minutes. I move up and down across the sensor; then right and left. before long I am dancing a little jig and I still have soaped up hands.

and another thing? People who cannot figure out how to use the self-checkout at the grocery store. (now, I realize that the people who can’t do self-checkout are sitting at home saying…”I am so annoyed by the people who can’t figure out how to turn on automatic faucets in public bathrooms”)

and people who say “irregardless”

and speed bumps

and people who chew really loudly

and when trashy shows like The Bachelorette start and I totally miss it.

and people who take things way too personally.

and super low low low jeans. I really don’t need to see YOUR ENTIRE THONG. thanks.

and most cats. and people who think that I want to hear about their cats.

and when I can’t tell if it’s Bono or Robin Williams.

and people who wear Ed Hardy.

and now that I’ve gotten that off of my chest, I’m off to go and hang out in London* with some lovely, lovely ladies.

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*London, Ontario NOT London, England

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  1. Oh, but my cats? They’re totally cute. They’re the best cats in the world! And they are so cute! And they do really funny things. In fact, just this morning I laughed and laughed because one of them was running and the other was chasing and it was so great but not as funny as that other time…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sadie on May 20, 2009
  2. I completely agree about the dress barn. Whoever thought that was a clever name should never work again. I can’t imagine actually going into the store and so I have no idea what kind of clothes they sell but I imagine lots of polyester and really cheap and poorly made clothes.

    Also, ditto to the automatic faucets AND the automatic hand dryers or automatic paper towel dispensers. I have convinced myself there is something wrong with me because they never work for me. Even when the person right before me had no trouble at all.

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    Comment by Shannon on May 20, 2009
  3. “and most cats. and people who think that I want to hear about their cats.”

    THIS IS TOTALLY ABOUT ME ISN’T IT?

    I’m so with you on irregardless. I saw it in a blog post by a “famous” blogger yesterday.

    The automated faucets in airports never work for me. And then I yell “AM I AN INVISIBLE? Yes! You! Woman staring at me? AM I INVISIBLE? Clearly not! SO WHY ISN’T THIS FAUCET WORKING?”

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on May 20, 2009
  4. You will know Bono by the way he declares his love for me!

    fadkogs last blog post..i wish i was in tijuana

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    Comment by fadkog on May 20, 2009
  5. i’m still laughing about dress barn – when you explained the clothes are for plus sized women and the whole barn is where cattle are kept thing. so not right.

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    Comment by Karen Sugarpants on May 20, 2009
  6. I agree with nearly everything here. (Ed Hardy WTF?)

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    Comment by amy2boys on May 20, 2009
  7. OMG, I was watching HGTV and this DOCTOR was talking about how he wanted those tradespeople to come in and finish their ‘reno “irregardless” of the circumstance’! Gah! How many years of education have you had and still you say “irregardless”?!!!
    Frick.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nenette on May 20, 2009
  8. I always wondered who the asshole was that named the Dress Barn Dress Barn. It’s just…an awful name.

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    Comment by mamatulip on May 20, 2009
  9. my Mom is from London Ontario and she is a lovely lady.
    my husband is also from London (though he is not a lovely lady.)
    and that’s all I’ve got because I’m really fucking tired and can’t go home for another 2 hours.

    [Reply]

    Comment by hillary on May 20, 2009
  10. I have a hard time conjuring up sympathy for people with small feet.

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on May 20, 2009
  11. Oh, FUN! You look CUTE! :)
    We were just talking about “irregardless” the other day – brutal!
    So, what do you think of “Pottery Barn.”… Not the same thing…, I know.

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    Comment by Haley-O on May 20, 2009
  12. HA HA HA the shoes kill me! And! I HATE irregardless. Mike says that sometimes and it drive me friggin’ BATTY! LOL

    [Reply]

    Comment by sam {temptingmama} on May 20, 2009
  13. I have a friend that says irregardless at least once a day. I drives me insane! Any ideas on how I should handle it? I just know once I bring it up to her she won’t listen to a thing I say and then will just say “irregardless blah blah.”

    [Reply]

    Comment by Dawn on May 20, 2009
  14. I hate irregardless. It is not a word. I also hate when people talk about all their pet peeves consecutively. I can’t keep track when you keep saying PET PEEVE over and over again.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kaleigha on May 20, 2009
  15. I friggen love golden corral. we went once every time I visited my dad in Florida. It was novel – you know there’s nothing like that here. And the banana pudding! After I visited my dad’s grave in the fall, Chris drove two hours so that I could have lunch at Golden Corral. I cried over my bourbon chicken.

    [Reply]

    Comment by kgirl on May 20, 2009
  16. I totally had to wear those booties one day at work and they were also 87 sizes too big for my feet so i used duct tape to keep them on. The people who noticed thought it was hilarious but they did stay on the whole time!

    Duct tape solves problems. hahaha.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shannon on May 20, 2009
  17. I am a fan of super low low jeans. But only on people who should be wearing them.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Avitable on May 20, 2009
  18. You have no idea how many times I have had that conversation about Dress Barn. I often tell my friends: “Repeat after me: I will never buy clothes that come from a place with ‘Barn’ in the name. Unless I am a cow.”

    Hilarious.

    [Reply]

    Comment by ClassyFabSarah on May 20, 2009
  19. Self checkout can be epic fail sometimes, but in general I really like it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on May 20, 2009
  20. OOH! “Irregardless!” I love you.

    How about misunderestimate? Or NUCULAR? When they come out of the mouth of the president? *cringe*

    lorens last blog post..Negative, I am a turd nugget.

    [Reply]

    Comment by loren on May 21, 2009
  21. I missed the first episode of The Bachelor too! Damn long weekends interfering with my TV schedule!

    Juliennes last blog post..Bros before hos.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Julienne on May 21, 2009
  22. Hooooo I like you so much … LOL, you are hillarious :)

    I agreed with everything you’ve said, but I must disagree about the cats! You haven’t met my 2 kitty girls!

    Carla

    Carla K.s last blog post..At Carlikup’s Home Today …

    [Reply]

    Comment by Carla K. on May 21, 2009
  23. I see that Loren (above) and I are in agreement about NUCULAR OHMYGOD. There is only ONE U, George Bush!! And when people say Valentime’s Day it makes me cry a little. Also when people do not know the difference between its and it’s. Ah, thanks. I feel better now.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jen on May 21, 2009
  24. Aaaagh! I hate the word “irregardless”.

    And with the others above, I hate when people say “nucular”. My husband said it one night so I made him look it up on Google. It said “Did you mean nuclear?”. I totally won that one.

    Megs last blog post..Spur Dogimus Maximus

    [Reply]

    Comment by Meg on May 21, 2009
  25. I once debated with a 19 year-old (and some other co-workers) about whether irregardless was actually a word. Friggin’ Webster’s totally let me down by listing it. No matter how much I pointed to the “non-standard” label, the women who claimed it was a proper word declared themselves the winners.

    The kicker, though, was that the 19 year-old claimed she used “irregardless” to mean the opposite of “regardless”! So if she said she was going to the game irregardless of the weather, she would check out the weather report and then decide. It’s a wonder my head did not explode on the spot.

    And I really hate loud chewing, especially when it involves gum.

    Sarahs last blog post..Things I am done with

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah on May 21, 2009
  26. “irregardless” You really hit a sore spot with that one. Just want to Punch anyone who uses it.
    My BIL chews loudly – its the grossest thing ever. I refuse to sit anywhere near him at family functions. Ugh.

    monstergirlees last blog post..Pink Flowering Dogwood – Day 1

    [Reply]

    Comment by monstergirlee on May 21, 2009
  27. Speaking of barns, I got married in a teeny-tiny town in northern BC. At the time, there were only 2 hair places to use for the wedding. The better one, the one that I went to, was called the…wait for it…Sasquatch Beauty Barn. That’s right, you heard me, I had my hair done for my WEDDING at the Sasquatch Beauty Barn.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Carmen on May 22, 2009
  28. “irregardless” makes me stabby.

    Have fun, friend!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angella on May 22, 2009
  29. Happy Birthday!

    [Reply]

    Comment by jill on May 22, 2009
  30. Well, irregardless…
    Happy Birthday!!
    (via Avitable)
    Ha! :P

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sybil Law on May 22, 2009
  31. The worst thing about the people that have no idea how to use the self-checkout is that they always roll up with 789 items. So not only do they have no fucking clue how to ring something up, they have 789 items to practice with. Also, people that chew loudly suck. Oh! Oh! AND, the only thing worse than people who take things too personally is people who create drama out of a totally normal situation. You know, they get a speeding ticket and all of a sudden, they are all DRAMZ! DRAMZ! yeah..

    PS. Happy Birthday!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amanda on May 22, 2009
  32. HAHAHAHA!oh wait were you talking about me? people who can’t work the automatic checkouts? oh was i taking that too personally.?irregardless i still loves you….hahaha

    [Reply]

    Comment by LAVENDULA on May 22, 2009
  33. Have you ever eaten at a Golden Corral? It really IS like eating out of a trough.

    Irregardless…

    ;-)

    Misss last blog post..If Ordinary equals Awesome

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss on May 22, 2009
  34. Or when people say “for all intensive purposes” GAH! Are they SERIOUS?
    You are so right on the “Dress Barn” too. It is deplorably named.

    HollyLynnes last blog post..Makings and Quakings

    [Reply]

    Comment by HollyLynne on May 22, 2009
  35. YES! to Golden Corral (EWH) and Dress Barn. So unnecessary, both of them.

    Oh, and people who say ridiculous things in elevators to strangers. HATE elevator small talk with the fire of a thousand suns.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kerri Anne on May 22, 2009
  36. broom….brooommmhh :) Joke he he he

    [Reply]

    Comment by my special gifts on May 22, 2009
  37. i think its called dress barn because if you shop there you are as fat as a cow….. just an idea.

    [Reply]

    Comment by rayli on May 24, 2009
  38. I used to have the same problem with the automatic faucets and then some nice old lady took pity on me and explained that the key to making them work is to put your hands under and stay really still. Before I felt like an idiot for not understanding how they worked, now I feel like an idiot for needing a 70 year old explain technology to me.

    [Reply]

    Comment by regan on May 26, 2009
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