March 11 09

guess who fell flat on her ass in a public bathroom at the Canon Theater last night?

just guess.

oh yeah. I am classy, yo!

We have an all-the-way-up-in-the-nosebleeds theater subscription that forces us – with our friends mike and sarah – to get out of the damn house and DO SOMETHING six times a year. We’ve seen some good shows (The Sound of Music) and we’ve seen some shit (cough. Medea. cough). Last night was The Color Purple. This is exactly what i knew about the color purple. Oprah was it. and it was directed by Steven Spielberg. um, yes, embarrassingly, that’s it. i can’t believe i’m telling you that i don’t think i’ve ever seen it (off to find me a torrent…)AND i haven’t read the book either. gah.

anyhoo. the Toronto production? FANTASTIC. i highly recommend. even if there was a slightly bizarre witnessing scene in the opening number in which i mistakenly thought that the actors were having some sort of communal seizure, and the husband had to explain to me that they were just feeling god. or something. it was his was his own fault, really. he’s the one who stopped at the Sweet Factory and hopped me all up on candy before the show. i, of course, made it through 14 minutes of the intermission before i had to pee (of course…i mean, where do you think my children get it from?) and so i raced out to do my business and raced back while they were closing the doors and didn’t want to miss any purpley goodness (i mean, did i mention that LaToya London was in it? yes, the american idol one) and so i was scurrying.

and then i fell. i am PRAYING (hell, i would even witness) that what i slipped on was WATER and not, um, you know, urine. because, um, hello panic attack.

i am a walking disaster.

do you need more proof of this?

well, yesterday was the Jewish holiday of Purim, which, in simplest explanations is basically, to quote my favorite Mean Girl Cady,  the one night a year when Jewish girls can dress like total sluts and no other girls can say anything about it. oh, and there’s lots of candy. and then more candy. and lots of men get shit-faced drunk, which, i don’t know, hi? i’m 30…shit-faced drunk is NO LONGER COOL.

not surprisingly, i HATE this holiday. i used to be super good at it. i was able to get all my shit together. the kids had GOOD costumes, even if they wore these in 2006 AND 2007…i’m totally GREEN, kids! reusing!


nowadays, i’m lucky if the kids make it out of the house in more than just a button down and underwear (although if i throw in some white tube socks, Josh can totally be Joel Goodsen next year)

well, this year i couldn’t find Isabella’s Abby Cadabby wand. so, she went as Remy from Ratatouille. yes, i realize this movie was made popular in 2007, a full TWO years ago…but WHAT THE FUCK EVER, she was the cutest rat ever in the history of rats. and i couldn’t convince Miss Emily to wear her Sharpay costume because that Sharpay dress is SOOOO High School Musical 1. so, i allowed her to borrow my earrings and wear one of my dresses and take the reigns to plan her own costume…


and oh. my.god. she’s Lauren Conrad.

i know.

i don’t even know why she likes her so much. i mean, she’s a quasi-fashion designer and a quasi-author and a total Hills quitter…but apparently, without me knowing, Emily has been STREAMING the show on the computer.

off to set some parental controls, STAT!

but, lo! behold! the Martell Family Purim costumes, circa 2009


fine…one out of three ain’t bad.

just don’t be surprised if you see Josh reusing his Optimus Prime costume for purim 2010.

don’t judge.

  1. “oh. my.god. she’s Lauren Conrad.”

    oh. my. god.

    You in trouble girl! Actually, I can think of worse people Emily could want to dress up as. Like, maybe Heidi Montag would be worse….


    Comment by Haley-O on March 11, 2009
  2. Awesome costumes! I have read about Purim on a few blogs but honestly, I have no idea what is going on other than costumes and booze. I hope you guys had a good time!


    Comment by WickedStepMom on March 11, 2009
  3. Totally “EW!” about the bathroom!!

    And the costumes are awesome!

    Christines last blog post..Confirmed: I need a life.


    Comment by Christine on March 11, 2009
  4. we should start a costume swap of some sorts. my fifi would sooooo like that 2007 rat costume and perhaps isabella would like elmo, a chicken, or a fairy costume.

    they look adorable. as always!


    Comment by OHmommy on March 11, 2009
  5. I think Emily looks really cute! Then again, I couldn’t pick Lauren Conrad out of a lineup. Eek about the bathroom…totally not laughing at you!

    Diannas last blog post..30 Day Shred Update


    Comment by Dianna on March 11, 2009
  6. If I knew who Lauren Conrad was I’d totally be like Yeah she is! ok so off to google her and figure it all out.
    Glad you had a good Color Purple – you know more about than Me, I didn’t remember the director.
    and here’s Hoping it was not pee…. oh my word!

    monstergirlees last blog post..Flash vs. No Flash (inspired by Dr Cason)


    Comment by monstergirlee on March 11, 2009
  7. 1) Don’t feel bad about not knowing about The Color Purple; I was a theatre major and I’m only vaguely aware that it’s a show.
    2)While I despise Lauren Conrad with every fiber of my being, at least she didn’t dress like Sharpay. (Or any of the other twats from that HSM franchise.) A more obnoxious character did never exist.


    Comment by MonsteRawr on March 11, 2009
  8. Well they’re all freakin’ cute!

    Colleen – Mommy Alwas last blog post..The ‘stach is kinda like Hulk Hogan’s, only COOLER.


    Comment by Colleen - Mommy Alwa on March 11, 2009
  9. Um, I didn’t say this before, but yeah, you’re totally screwed!

    Also, forget letting me borrow Ms. Emily for going to the JoBros movie. I need her for the eye make up tips! That girl has good technique, adn me? I just forgot I put make up tonday and totally smeared up my eye because I went up and rubbed them to emphasis how damn tired I am.

    I’m what they call ‘hot.’


    fadkogs last blog post..the shortest post i’ve ever given you. in bed!


    Comment by fadkog on March 11, 2009
  10. totally picturing Josh in his optimus prime costume next year and the sleeves
    and legs being waaay to short ha, love it

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..The Final Final


    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on March 11, 2009
  11. Wow… so Josh actually grew enough that you couldn’t allow yourself to force him into the Vader costume for another year?


    Comment by SciFi Dad on March 11, 2009
  12. Josh’s Optimus Prime costume is WAY cooler than Graham’s. I better not show him this.

    Angellas last blog post..Mad At Dad?


    Comment by Angella on March 11, 2009
  13. The Colour Purple was FABULOUS! I absolutely loved it. The soulful singing made my heart swell. And shame, shame, double shame for not ever seeing the wonderful movie.

    Btw, Emily looks very cute. My friend’s daughter was a half slutty half creepy Hannah Montana look alike. Yikes!


    Comment by Jen Maier on March 11, 2009
  14. Josh’s costume is awesome and Bella looks ridiculously cute. Emily . . . I feel like, give her a few inches and that’s going to be her in real life in a few years. Scary!


    Comment by adina on March 11, 2009
  15. Oh, Emily. I want you to come live with me. You can dress like Lauren Conrad all day at my house.


    Comment by slynnro on March 11, 2009
  16. Hey! No fair! I only got into Purim over the past two years and never got to enjoy the slutty, drunken years. Damn!


    Comment by Mac and Cheese on March 11, 2009
  17. oh, Emily… gorgeous.
    there’s the glimpse into your future, Ali! You’ll be all “go git me mah shot gun, pappy!” before you know it.
    yeah, my son’s going to want a Optimus Prime costume, if I show this to him, just to wear around the house, of course.

    And my sympathies on the possible urine. ew.


    Comment by Nenette on March 11, 2009
  18. Girl, you are funny, funny, funny. Educational too! none of my Jewish friends mentioned costumes and candy. I want in on that. Heh! Sorry about the urine. I had a similar nasty experience involving toilet paper that I bloggged about this week. Gak! i think I’m off public restroom for a long time. Unfortunately my female plumbing bits are not sticking to my resolution. Grrr!


    Comment by Scout's Honor on March 11, 2009
  19. I loved LaToya London on AI. She was a Bay Area girl!

    Also, all I could think of in that photo of Emily putting on make-up was “it’s THE SHIRT!”

    Kristabellas last blog post..Still Tired. And Confused. Now, with Whine!


    Comment by Kristabella on March 12, 2009
  20. Lauren Conrad – oh no!! You are seriously going to have your hands full in a few years ;) hehehe

    I’m sure Emily could end up with her own reality TV show one day!! lol


    Comment by Bronnie on March 12, 2009
  21. Subscribe


    Comment by Gamer on March 28, 2009

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