some little fucker in a pimped-out honda civic hatchback came thisclose to hitting me this morning and so, basically, i forgot everything i was going to tell you. Now, the only thing i can think about is who the hell pimps out a honda civic? also, who drives hatchbacks? i mean, sure, i drive a bloody mini-van, so i am not really one to judge, but i mean, REALLY?
(there are no words, really. well, other than expletives)
also, you will have to excuse my somewhat cloudy brain. i haven’t yet had my coffee (and it’s roll up the rim time! wahoo! another year for me to NOT WIN A THING in Tim Horton’s contest. awesome.)
oh, and i have to sell my house, which is seriously so scary.*Hello, ali, welcome to being an adult where you have responsibilities and stuff*. We are getting ourselves a giant-ass dumpster to live on our drive-way for a week so we can dump, dump, dump all of our crap. i think it’s probablyhigh time I trash my University textbooks. it’s probably safe to say that i will NOT need to look back at my Intro to Psych book any time soon. the packrat in me just kept all of this stuff around, because you never know when you are going to need that giant apple tray that you received for your wedding almost 11 years ago that is STILL in the box from whence it came. you just NEVER know.
oh, and i have a random weird Ali thing to tell you. wait for it. this one is a doozy:
I DO PUZZLES WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE PICTURE.
now before you get all “holy shit, ali’s totally some sort of Rain Man genius!” on me, i can assure you, i am not. the picture distracts me and it actually takes me longer to do the puzzle. i’m currently working on this Ukrainian Easter Egg 1,000 piecer (don’t ask. it was something i found in my basement while i was purging) and let me tell you how AWESOME this is to do without looking at the picture (and allow me to just tell you right up front…that was sarcasm, in case you were unsure)
97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. 97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. 97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. i’ll stop my rainman impression now, since most of you probably either didn’t get the reference, or didn’t think it was funny…
oh, and my boyfriend won an Oscar last night…
say what you want about him…and i assure you, everyone at the party i threw at someone else’s house last night (more about that later! don’t judge…i like to make parties and i currently do not own a tv that has a screen bigger than 27 inches! gah! yes, there’s a story there too…i assure you!) had something to say about some dude named, um, Mickey Rourke who was, um, robbed or something, and something about Sean Penn in a rowboat, and something about him being a total jackass…but alas, he is TRULY a fantastic actor (and director! hello, Into the Wild) no matter how much of a loon he is in real life.
(no disrespect for Mickey Rourke, guys, he was AWESOME in the Wrestler. AWESOME. no matter how distracted i was by the fact that Marisa Tomei was half-haked throughout the entire film)
(no matter how much he looks like a piece of leather right now. he and Sophia Loren can fight it out for who gets to play Magda in the There’s Something About Mary sequel)
oh, and also, i will be doing a really awesome Oscar recap, i swear, wherein i discuss My Little Pony Parker’s boobs (the horse-face jokes will never get old for me, i swear. read: Ali = bitch), and how i thought Hugh Jackman was GREAT, and how i snorted my drink when he introduced the Craigslist dancers, and how much i enjoyed how they brought out 5 past winners to present the big acting awards, and how shitty i thought the hsm/mamma mia dance number was SHIT, and how OF COURSE, miss Metalia and i have unexplained love for Steve Martin and how skinny Seth Rogen is, and how much Heath Ledger resembled his father…
but, for now, it’s COFFEE TIME. and time to sit and brood over that fucking honda civic. boo! hiss!
and please go over and wish Miss Kristin over at Camels and Chocolate a happy birthday!