February 23 09

some little fucker in a pimped-out honda civic hatchback came thisclose to hitting me this morning and so, basically, i forgot everything i was going to tell you. Now, the only thing i can think about is who the hell pimps out a honda civic? also, who drives hatchbacks? i mean, sure, i drive a bloody mini-van, so i am not really one to judge, but i mean, REALLY?


(there are no words, really. well, other than expletives)

also, you will have to excuse my somewhat cloudy brain. i haven’t yet had my coffee (and it’s roll up the rim time! wahoo! another year for me to NOT WIN A THING in Tim Horton’s contest. awesome.)

oh, and i have to sell my house, which is seriously so scary.*Hello, ali, welcome to being an adult where you have responsibilities and stuff*. We are getting ourselves a giant-ass dumpster to live on our drive-way for a week so we can dump, dump, dump all of our crap. i think it’s probablyhigh time I trash my University textbooks. it’s probably safe to say that i will NOT need to look back at my Intro to Psych book any time soon. the packrat in me just kept all of this stuff around, because you never know when you are going to need that giant apple tray that you received for your wedding almost 11 years ago that is STILL in the box from whence it came. you just NEVER know.

oh, and i have a random weird Ali thing to tell you. wait for it. this one is a doozy:


now before you get all “holy shit, ali’s totally some sort of Rain Man genius!” on me, i can assure you, i am not. the picture distracts me and it actually takes me longer to do the puzzle. i’m currently working on this Ukrainian Easter Egg 1,000 piecer (don’t ask. it was something i found in my basement while i was purging) and let me tell you how AWESOME this is to do without looking at the picture (and allow me to just tell you right up front…that was sarcasm, in case you were unsure)

97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. 97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. 97x. BAM! the future of rock and roll. i’ll stop my rainman impression now, since most of you probably either didn’t get the reference, or didn’t think it was funny…

oh, and my boyfriend won an Oscar last night…


say what you want about him…and i assure you, everyone at the party i threw at someone else’s house last night (more about that later! don’t judge…i like to make parties and i currently do not own a tv that has a screen bigger than 27 inches! gah! yes, there’s a story there too…i assure you!) had something to say about some dude named, um, Mickey Rourke who was, um, robbed or something, and something about Sean Penn in a rowboat, and something about him being a total jackass…but alas, he is TRULY a fantastic actor (and director! hello, Into the Wild) no matter how much of a loon he is in real life.

(no disrespect for Mickey Rourke, guys, he was AWESOME in the Wrestler. AWESOME. no matter how distracted i was by the fact that Marisa Tomei was half-haked throughout the entire film)

(no matter how much he looks like a piece of leather right now. he and Sophia Loren can fight it out for who gets to play Magda in the There’s Something About Mary sequel)


oh, and also, i will be doing a really awesome Oscar recap, i swear, wherein i discuss My Little Pony Parker’s boobs (the horse-face jokes will never get old for me, i swear. read: Ali = bitch), and how i thought Hugh Jackman was GREAT, and how i snorted my drink when he introduced the Craigslist dancers, and how much i enjoyed how they brought out 5 past winners to present the big acting awards, and how shitty i thought the hsm/mamma mia dance number was SHIT, and how OF COURSE, miss Metalia and i have unexplained love for Steve Martin and how skinny Seth Rogen is, and how much Heath Ledger resembled his father…

but, for now, it’s COFFEE TIME. and time to sit and brood over that fucking honda civic. boo! hiss!

and please go over and wish Miss Kristin over at Camels and Chocolate a happy birthday!

  1. I can so relate to this post…about the dumpster…and the never winning anything. Maybe what you need is a Rim Roller lol. I ordered these from Lee Valley tools as a joke for a bunch of friends at xmas and now they get to use them! Maybe that will make you win :))) Good luch with purging and selling the house…I don’t envy you for that…except I DO envy you a lot for the fact that you get to move to the US and have NO SNOW! AM. SO. SICK. of COLD!!!


    Comment by Kathy on February 23, 2009
  2. I am such a pack rat. I hate it. I hold onto things for years. I decided the other week to throw out one of the pairs of sweat pants I have. I have had it since 1995 and the elastic was no longer elastic. That was a big move for me.

    I cannot believe you are going to HOT-LANTA. We should totally hang if you come to new york.

    Mayas last blog post..On a cold winter’s morning


    Comment by Maya on February 23, 2009
  3. If you ever run into the same problem with a Civic again, just remember your mini-van far outweighs that little shit and you also have far more standard safety features. Steer into the little fuck.


    Comment by Captain Dumbass on February 23, 2009
  4. are you ok Ali? what a jack arse that guy was/ is. MAYBE THIS YEAR WILL BE YOUR YEAR TO WIN BIG AT TIMS


    Comment by LAVENDULA on February 23, 2009
  5. I totally got the Rainman reference.
    97X. BAM! The future of rock and roll…

    I love that movie.


    Comment by Sarah on February 23, 2009
  6. The 97x BAM! thing had me laughing out loud in my cube, so thanks for that. :)


    Comment by Abby on February 23, 2009
  7. I get pimped out Civics all the TIME down here in mid-Cali; they are also called “rice rockets” and the term applies to any car that it is just f’in ridiculous to pimp out, like a Toyota Camry.

    Or, you know, a YUGO.

    Anyway, my husband and I personally left a bit of our (read: MY) stuff when we moved last. Obviously since we were moving to a smaller place and couldn’t fit everything instead of moving to another state (like we had plans to until the damn economy went to shit for realz yo) or country.


    Comment by Maryann on February 23, 2009
  8. Brilliant Magda reference Ali. Brilliant.


    Comment by slynnro on February 23, 2009
  9. I am not a pack rat & so love to purge stuff (not food) so if you need help I’m close by…
    Sofia Loren – what was that horror?!?!?! She usually looks so great but WOW, I was scared!!!


    Comment by Maria on February 23, 2009
  10. Your other car IS a civic. Just saying.

    ~~my other car IS a civic. but it’s not pimped-out. and it’s certainly NOT a fucking hatchback! ~ Ali


    Comment by Giblet on February 23, 2009
  11. sorry about the accident and yeah that honda looks ridiculous but maybe that’s just cause i’m officially old now.

    it feels good to throw stuff out, don’t ya think? i do.

    re: the puzzle making – you are amazing.

    looking forward to the oscar recap – i hope you explain the ben stiller acting like pheonix guy to others that may not have seen the david letterman show – that was just weird.



    Comment by raino on February 23, 2009
  12. I couldn’t blog without coffee intake. Good work you.

    Kaleighas last blog post..Vol. 1: Fashion Friday…


    Comment by Kaleigha on February 23, 2009
  13. Who the heck pimps out a Honda Civic? Crazy Canadians!

    Good luck with the purge and pack.


    Comment by WickedStepMom on February 23, 2009
  14. Matthew’s Nana looks EXACTLY like Magda. I’m not even kidding.


    Comment by Angella on February 23, 2009
  15. so much info in such a tiny space….

    i too am a packrat. sadly, i have a bookcase (in my closet) full of all my college and grad school textbooks. like i’m going to do stats at in point of my life.

    gorillabunss last blog post..cocoa pebbles


    Comment by gorillabuns on February 23, 2009
  16. One of my uncles won two cars, a bbq and a bunch of other things from Tim Hortons AND THEN HE DIED.
    So luck can go both ways, right?

    Becks last blog post..Nap Time!


    Comment by Beck on February 23, 2009
  17. Awww, you’re so sweet–THANKS!

    Also, I dated a guy in high school who drove a Ford Focus HATCHBACK, and I was always SO embarrassed when he picked me up!


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on February 23, 2009
  18. I just won nothing on my first roll up the rim. I’m not worried – I win all the time!

    I feel for you on selling the house. We just did it last year and I wish you all the luck we had – we sold ours 4 days after it went on the market.
    If you need me to take any clothes off your hands if your minimizing. I’m pretty sure we’re the same size :-P

    And does this mean that I will never again see my Socks story..now that your leaving?
    Why are you leaving? We didn’t get many details.
    When are you leaving?
    And when are you coming back???? Do you promise?

    Christines last blog post..Another virus, another corner turned?


    Comment by Christine on February 23, 2009
  19. Our house is WAY to small for being a pack rat! I have to throw stuff away all the time.


    Comment by Nadine on February 23, 2009
  20. Be prepared to see a lot more pimped out rice-burners in Atlanta. Not so much in the general vicinity of your neighborhood, but around.

    And I totally agree with you that Hugh Jackman totally rocked – and the Mamma Mia/Chicago/Ode to the Musical number was my favorite moment of the night. Completely killer.


    Comment by Darcey on February 23, 2009
  21. If I give you my husband’s email, would you fire off a strongly worded note suggesting (nay – demanding!) it’s time to dispose of the botany textbooks in our garage of hell that he’s held onto for nearly 20 years. He’s never worked in his degree field (fisheries and wildlife? really, my husband love?), nor will he ever. It’s time to cut the chord.

    I hate Beyonce. As soon as her ass came out, I was all, “NO!” Other than that, I’m with you. I dug the five presenter format. I also dug SJP’s boobs, but that’s my cross to bear.


    Comment by foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) on February 23, 2009
  22. I love that you’re doing a puzzle. I love everything about doing puzzles except the knot I get in my neck while doing them.


    Comment by Rhi on February 23, 2009
  23. Ummmm…I drive a hatchback. A Honda Fit though, not a civic. Its designed to be a hatchback. I was mildly chagrined when I found out its classified as a small station wagon though.

    And if I knock the backseats down I have 42 cubic feet of space to haul crap. Therefore, I do not need to rent a dumpster – I can drive all my crap to the dump. :) And then go to Costco and pick up even. more. crap. :)

    So there :)


    Comment by Nicole on February 23, 2009
  24. Sorry about your van! That sucks! My sil is a GREAT real estate agent, if you need….

    Also, everyone has unexplained love for Steve Martin. EVERYONE. ;) Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but I can with great confidence speak for all those who love Ed Harris also…. Heh.


    Comment by Haley-O on February 23, 2009
  25. Girlfriend, this is you WITHOUT coffee?

    Wow. I’m impressed.


    Comment by Miss Britt on February 23, 2009
  26. Screw being an adult where you have responsibilities and stuff Raymond, that’s no fun. Dude, did you know ever second car in my ‘hood IS that car AND I negotiate intersections with them: seriously, it’s motherbumper’s stroller versus the pimped out rides. Oh and I dream of having a dumpster to tilt my place into… tho’ you never know when Psych 101 will come in handy – especially in these here parts.


    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on February 23, 2009
  27. R-r-r-r-r-roll up the rim to win! I think I won a donut… once…

    Katies last blog post..Frikken Fracken Frooglenuts.


    Comment by Katie on February 23, 2009
  28. I rented a dumpster once and relieved myself of 1.5 tons of trash and stuff I just didn’t need any more. And I get I could get one and fill that one up too.

    Joanies last blog post..Waxing Woes


    Comment by Joanie on February 23, 2009
  29. Please tell me you’re moving closer to me!? Oh PLEASE!!!

    I never look at the picture when doing a puzzle. I can’t, it’s soooo annoying!


    Comment by sam {temptingmama} on February 23, 2009
  30. HAHAAAHA MAGDA! I throw my keyboard at your feet in worshipful praise. That was effing BRILLIANT. And sadly true.


    Comment by metalia on February 24, 2009
  31. Umm, yeah, SJP’s boobs were a bit in your face, weren’t they?!

    La Petite Chics last blog post..On Ever After


    Comment by La Petite Chic on February 24, 2009
  32. I snorted over the Craigslist dancers. Awesome. I think you need your own backup dancers, Miz Ali.


    Comment by Moose on February 24, 2009
  33. I used to have a purple (yes, purple) Hyundai Accent hatchback. Because it was cheap.

    I thought this was the worst Oscars telecast. It was so long and boring. BRING BACK JON STEWART!

    I did like the past winners, but it just made the show way too long.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Why Is It Called Spam Anyway?


    Comment by Kristabella on February 24, 2009
  34. Good luck with the move!


    Comment by Stacy Quarty on February 24, 2009
  35. I’m sorry you almost got sideswiped by some little punk’s stupid pimped out honda civic, but, uh, Ali?

    I drive a hatchback.

    kgirls last blog post..No, this is not my post


    Comment by kgirl on February 24, 2009
  36. When Sarah Jessica Parker walked out on stage I was baffled. Where did those boobs come from? And why did Matthew Broderick let her out of the house with them jacked up like that?


    Comment by regan on February 24, 2009
  37. alimartell, love for Steve Martin need never be explained.


    Comment by heather... on February 25, 2009
  38. You crack me the eff up, seriously.

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Sassy Sidenote: All My Single Ladies


    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on February 26, 2009

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