February 9 09

Jack and Ilana start their kitchen renovations today.

(sigh. *LE ENVY*)

This has been a months-long exercise in “keep your fucking pie-hole shut, ali!” oh, hello, are you new here? well, here’s something you may not know. I can haz opinions. lots of them. ( i even have opinions about how i’d REALLY like to put the whole “i can haz” thing to rest…along with LOL, epic fail, and oh hai) anyway, as we spent all summer out on their deck leafing through brochures and kitchen magazines discussing wood colors and paint colors and kitchen tables and backsplashes and tile colors and cabinet handles and countertops, i tried as best as was humanly possible to NOT be too opinion-y. i tried (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to not speak up.

because did you know that there are people out there who don’t like everything i like? can you imagine? i know, right? sometimes i couldn’t hold it in and i was all “pleasefortheloveofstyledon’tgettheredandblackchairs!!!” i couldn’t help myself. there’s only so much you can hold in without exploding. (my ever-flatulant children have taught me that little chestnut)

BUT, something we did all agree on:

this: will not be missed


i have always wondered about this here scale. it’s almost like those people who put pictures of skinny and beautiful people on their fridges as inspiration and a tool to convince them NOT to go for that second dessert (heh. i said tool) do you think this was supposed to be some sort of anti-over-indulgence tactic? THE SCALE IS TAUNTING ME as i put the cookies in the oven to bake?

another thing we agree on:

doing some self-demolition is always fun. as is climbing in pantries.




something else we agree on:

buying ice cream cakes for the husband’s birthday (please wish him a collective happy 34th! it’s today) that say “Our condolences Frank” on them are FUNNY. especially when your husband’s name is Gabriel.


  1. Just where does one acquire a scales of justice tile? WTF?


    Comment by slynnro on February 9, 2009
  2. Sweetie, my kitchen is currently outfitted in a poorly chosen apple motif, complete with baskets lining the top of my cabinets. You can bring your opinions to this room any time.

    Happy birthday to the husband. Any time is a fine time for ice cream cake.


    Comment by foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) on February 9, 2009
  3. So… did you get a discount on the cake since it was leftover from a funeral?

    lorens last blog post..Everything but the kids


    Comment by loren on February 9, 2009
  4. Happy Birthday Gabe!

    I’m pretty sure if I lived in a place where I wanted to renovate, I’d get tired and lazy about halfway through and just live with holes in the wall.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Dear Insurance Company


    Comment by Kristabella on February 9, 2009
  5. That tile is funny, but the cake is even funnier.

    Happy Birthday Gabe!


    Comment by Angella on February 9, 2009
  6. Destroying the kitchen was so much fun! I think I need to change careers…demolition here I come! :)

    Happy Bday Gabe!


    Comment by Tova on February 9, 2009
  7. LOL love the cake!


    Comment by Chantal on February 9, 2009
  8. Happy Birthday FRANK! Which would imply I don’t read your blog very carefully. ;)

    The tile? Ugly as hell. Good for you on the self-destruction. And isn’t THAT some crazy wording? Self-construction-destruction? Whatever you call it, it looks like you had a hell of a lot of fun!


    Comment by Keri on February 9, 2009
  9. happy birthday frank er gabriel hahaha….


    Comment by LAVENDULA on February 9, 2009
  10. OMG, the scale. THE SCALE!

    I was looking at someone’s Facebook photos the other day and there was one in someone’s kitchen…and right behind the stove was this tiled still life. Sweardagod. There was like, a half-cut loaf of bread, some grapes, a checkered tablecloth…it was like an Italian spread, tiled there behind the stove in all it’s glory.

    I don’t even remember what the picture was, I just remember the fucking tiles.

    That cake is HILARIOUS.


    Comment by mamatulip on February 9, 2009
  11. Oops!




    Comment by mamatulip on February 9, 2009
  12. I love me some demolition. Not to mention cake & ice cream.

    Happy Birthday Gabriel!


    Comment by Christina on February 9, 2009
  13. If I let my wife start breaking things in the kitchen I’d have to stop her with a tranquilizer gun.


    Comment by Captain Dumbass on February 9, 2009
  14. Happy Birthday, GABE! (or, Frank, or whatever!) Ha! That cake is classic. The scales of justice — also classic. There is no good reason that I can think of why that’s there. It’s RIDICULOUS!! (And I hope they don’t go for the red and black chairs!)


    Comment by Haley-O on February 9, 2009
  15. Happy Birthday, Frank–er–Gabriel. And you’re right. Those “scales of justice” kitchen tiles wouldn’t be missed by me either. What the hell?

    apathy lounges last blog post..Greetings From A Miss Congeniality Class Drop-Out


    Comment by apathy lounge on February 9, 2009
  16. As a Libra, I would very much like that tile for my, uh, not-yet-existent Wall o’ Astrology. OH, IT COULD BE REAL.


    Comment by metalia on February 10, 2009
  17. Happy Birthday to Gabriel! And condolences to Frank who is now sadly also missing an ice cream cake.

    I have friends reno’ing their bathroom. Can you believe they won’t be doing my idea of a sauna/jacuzzi/wet-bath?! Something about “budget”… pfft… what a lame excuse.


    Comment by Nenette on February 10, 2009
  18. That is the best frickin’ cake EVER. Happy Birthday. Or, I’m sorry. Whichever works best.

    And, um, it’s always been my philosophy that everyone who doesn’t love what I love, is clearly mistaken. ;)

    Undomestic Divas last blog post..Ice, ice baby


    Comment by Undomestic Diva on February 10, 2009
  19. Awesome cake. My friend once actually convinced a kid at Dominion to write, Happy Birthday Fucker on a cake.

    I dream of kitchen renos. Hopefully they will come to fruition in the summer.

    kgirls last blog post..Spelling Bee


    Comment by kgirl on February 10, 2009
  20. Oh my God. Best birthday cake ever!


    Comment by Miss Britt on February 10, 2009
  21. Is it weird that I’m totally dying to know what the red and black chairs looked like?


    Comment by Courtney on February 11, 2009
  22. Now you tell us you have opinions? Where have you been for the past ten months. Forget redandblack, how about rainbow chairs embedded with the scales of justice? We loved this post. We laughed…we cried.


    Comment by Lan on February 11, 2009
  23. that is the best cake ever.


    Comment by regan on February 12, 2009

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