February 2 09

I hate making small talk.

actually, i take it back. I hate when people make small talk with me.

“How is   [insert company name here]?”is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

really? i mean, really? are you REALLY asking me this question? i mean, come on, i don’t ask labor and delivery nurses how North York General Hospital is doing. wait… are you asking me how my entire company is doing like, say, financially? are you asking me how my entire company is doing, like, say, emotionally?

or are you asking specifics of MY JOB…what i do day in and day out? do you honestly care…or are you just trying to be nice? are you just looking for something to say?

because you have come to the right place! i can give you something to say! how about something you (and I) *might* actually care about……..

“Ali, did anything embarrassing happen to you this week?” (answer is always yes)

“Ali, are you going to get an iphone or a blackberry? and when in the sam hell are you going to get it?” (answer right now…iphone) (when i’m getting it? ask my husband…)

“Ali, what’s the last movie you saw?” (answer: Doubt. with my besties, saturday night. I forced them to go, which i am loathe to do, but i *think* they both liked it. fingers crossed)

“Ali, why are you obsessed with jeans? Do you have a favorite pair?” (answer: i get obsessed with things. right now it’s jeans. see previously: yoga pants. or hoodies. or puma. or see ali, circa 1996: Doc Martens. or see Ali, circa 1986: Cabbage Patch Kids) (answer: probably my True Religion Billys)

billy

“Ali, what is your favorite cheese?” because people care about cheese, dammit. and not about your company. well, fine, she doesn’t care about cheese. (answer: i think, Guiness cheddar)

“Ali, tell me 25 random things about yourself) (answer: of course)

“Ali, what’s the funniest story you’ve heard this week?” (answer: THIS…courtesy of Dave, whose neighbor’s snowmen were vandalized AND he has video proof. but wait! the story gets better! one of the vandals lost his key in the snow and came back the next day to ask if the neighbor had seen it. bwahahaha.)

“Ali, who do you want to win the Superbowl? (answer: Steelers)

“Ali, are you planning to eat like a man tonight? (answer: YOU BET MY FAT PANTS I AM!! what you are looking at is beer #2, finished, and 13 wings, finished, before the game even started) (also? a hockey commercial…because good god, we watched IN CANADA, the land of the shitty Superbowl commercials)

fat-pants

“Ali, what are you going to do with your Superbowl winnings?” (i won $40 in the grid pool thing. does that shit have a name? or is it just called…grid pool? well, either way, i won $40. HOLLA!) (answer: buy my husband a superbowl hat. because he won our bet. i, STUPIDLY, gave him the spread on the game and even though i was right and said that the Steelers were going to win (huzzah!) the 6.5 point spread meant that i have to buy him an Arizona hat. ah, poo)

NEXT YEAR? he’s so not getting the spread.

that’s what she said

which brings me to my last question…

“Ali, what are you doing after the game?” (answer: watching The Office, of course) (ps. when Angela threw the cat up and it came crashing down…i LOST MY SHIT. holy crap, that episode was hilarious)

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  1. The first five mins of The Office were AWESOME. It sort of slid down hill from there, but how could you top that first five minutes?!?

    Comment by Colleen - Mommy Alwa on February 2, 2009
  2. I watched The Office for the VERY first time last night because all the cool kids on Twitter were talking about it.

    After I peed my pants I ordered all the back seasons on Netflix.

    So stinking funny. And those jeans? So stinking awesome. Now, I think I need a new pair.

    Comment by OHmommy on February 2, 2009
  3. I’ve not yet seen The Office yet, but I did catch the cat toss in the commercial and I lost my shit, too.

    So here’s my question – Ali, is it ok if I have a crush on you? Would you go with me?

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..things i learned while watching the super bowl, which, truth be told, i didn’t care about. at all.*

    Comment by differentkindofgirl on February 2, 2009
  4. THE CAT. You know I lost it, too. That was too funny. And of course the meditation part. And Stanley laughing. And, OMG DWIGHHHHT, and OMG ANDYYYY! I love Andy. HATED the movie bit. Could have done without it.

    Oh, how’s Scholastic, by the way? ;) heh – that’s almost as bad as “so, how’s married life,” for, like, the first year after you get married….

    Comment by Haley-O on February 2, 2009
  5. Dude – how was Doubt? I really really want to see it.

    Comment by mamatulip on February 2, 2009
  6. SO wait… why did the guy have video evidence in the first place? Does he have surveillance on his snowmen?

    Comment by SciFi Dad on February 2, 2009
  7. When the cat fell through the ceiling I nearly peed my pants. I’m glad Matthew recorded it so I can watch it again tonight.

    Comment by Angella on February 2, 2009
  8. hmmm…wings…they were sooo yummy!

    Comment by Tova on February 2, 2009
  9. LOVE those jeans!:) I like being obsessed with things, it DOES create conversation! And I despise small talk as well.

    Kaleighas last blog post..A trip down memory TV…

    Comment by Kaleigha on February 2, 2009
  10. I combat stupid small talk with stupid answers.

    So, I bet you’re pretty excited about finishing school eh?
    > um, yes.
    How’s work?
    > busy.

    You get what you ask for, in my opinion. :)

    Comment by Lyndsey on February 2, 2009
  11. My least favorite is: “So what’s it like to be a freelancer? You’re essentially unemployed, right? How do you pay your bills?”

    How was Doubt? Should I go see it???

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on February 2, 2009
  12. Guiness cheese. That sounds like heaven. And the cat falling through the ceiling was the best.

    Comment by regan on February 2, 2009
  13. I more or less pissed my pants 3 times during The Office last night. When Dwight carved off the CPR dolls face and put it over his with a screen shot of his huge knife through the doll??? SO PRICELESS!

    Comment by Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy on February 2, 2009
  14. I’m still feeling my chicken wings from last night. How about you?

    And if that’s you fatless back end in those jeans – don’t talk to me.

    Comment by Kimberly on February 2, 2009
  15. I am obsessed with finding the right pair of jeans oh Ali-san, please help me.

    Your PSA’s make my day.

    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on February 2, 2009
  16. I like small talk, at least with people I know and like. I have verbal diarrhea, though, sometimes and just can’t stop sharing.

    I fell off the couch laughing when Dwight cut out the face of the dummy and put it on as a mask.

    The movie thing was stupid.

    Kristabellas last blog post..I Swear This Won’t Become A House Blog

    Comment by Kristabella on February 2, 2009
  17. Huh? Sorry, I was still thinking about the bum dimples in that pic. Oh god, that wasn’t your bum, was it? Er…*awkward*

    Why do they even bother blocking those commercials now when we can see them on Youtube 5 minutes later?

    Comment by Captain Dumbass on February 2, 2009
  18. This was hilarious. But more importantly, HOW DID I MISS THE OFFICE AFTER THE SUPERBOWL???

    Clearly, I blame the children.

    Comment by Rebecca (Bearca) on February 2, 2009
  19. You can’t raise a question and then never answer it. I am desperate to know how Scholastic is doing now!

    How is Scholastic?

    How. Is. Scholastic?

    Howisscholastic?

    How iss chola stic?

    Ho wissch olas tic?

    Howisshco lastic?

    Howi ssh cola stic?

    I don’t know how many more ways I need to ask you before you tell me the answer.

    Backpacking Dads last blog post..A Decade Ago in Short Conversations

    Comment by Backpacking Dad on February 2, 2009
  20. The CAT TOSS OMFG. And Guinness Cheddar? How, in my obsessive cheeseloving ways, have I never heard of this before? I need more information.

    Comment by metalia on February 3, 2009
  21. AH! I missed it! I’ll have to catch it somewhere else.

    so why would those mean boys knock down those sweet snow sculptures?

    monstergirlees last blog post..View of St. Paul MN out the Window

    Comment by monstergirlee on February 3, 2009
  22. We just call that game Squares. Actually, I call it, “NEVER PLAYING AGAIN” because I never win any damn money.

    Comment by Rhi on February 3, 2009
  23. I am also a small talk hater. Like serious hate.

    I love those jeans, too. They’re super cute.

    Comment by Courtney on February 3, 2009
  24. Mmmm, Guiness cheddar! I was just introduced to this delight by my boyfriend and I swear I could eat a whole block of it in one sitting. I haven’t… but I COULD!

    Also, GO STEELERS! (Also a fan of them via my boyfriend)

    And the cat crashing through the ceiling was my favorite part of The Office as well.

    Comment by Anna on February 3, 2009
  25. I hate small talk too but have to do it when I do schmoozy things for work. Ugh. The weather it what I hate most.

    By the way, I help keep Scholastic in business. I a ton of books from pretty much every flier. From the school AND the daycare. It’s a sickness, really, but a good one.

    P.S. where is my Curious George phonics set?
    just kidding

    Comment by cdn lawyerista on February 5, 2009
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