January 26 09

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Emily (who is, by birth, turning 8 in 6 weeks, but, by attitude, is probably turning an age closer to, um, about 14): Why does Indiana have to wear a cone??

Me: well, because he’s a dog. and he likes to lick his, um, man bits. and since that’s where he had surgery, the vet wants to make sure he doesn’t infect his wound.

Emily: what did they do to him?

Me: well, they, um, removed his testicles.

Emily: you mean his BALLS? *giggle, giggle*

Me: yes, hon, his balls *giggle, giggle*

Emily: all three of them?

Me: yes. wait, what? no! there are only 2!

Emily: but, in Austin Powers, when Dr. Evil says he needs to count his balls, he says, one, two, AND three.

Me: that’s a joke, Emma. also, that’s clearly a movie that you are too young for. (parent of the year!)

Emily: wait, but WHY does he need them removed?

Me: because, well, Bob Barker told us to.

Emily: huh?

Me: basically, we don’t want Indy to make any babies.

Emily: hmm. what? How would Indy make babies with his balls?

Me: (shit, fuck, shit, fuck) (more shit, fuck, shit) *EXHALES LOUDLY*

Emily: Mommy? Is it like in that movie Look Who’s Talking?

Me: What? What?

Emily: in that beginning scene! with all those things swimming? those come from the man, right? and then they go into the woman, right? and then one of those swimming things grows into a baby, right? and then the baby comes out of the woman’s VAGINA! and now i totally know how babies are born. and now i totally don’t need to ask you. but you know what REALLY grossed me out, mom? that long slimy thing that was attached to Mikey when he was born! EWWWW!

…and that is how a Kirstie Alley and John Travolta joint has become my all-time favorite movie. birds and bees talk? shelved for the time being.

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One of my biggest pet peeves is having to find a place to put my purse when i go to restaurants.

oh, you SO know it’s one of yours too.

you don’t want to put it on the floor. (um, hello! i live in Toronto. floors, especially in the winter = GROSS)

you don’t want to hang it over the back of the chair. (um, hello! i can’t even tell you how many times my purse has been knocked to the ground)

i was at a bar recently and after the server knocked my hanging purse to the floor three times, she told me that there was actually HOOKS underneath the bar FOR PURSE HANGING! genius, i thought. i’m totally going to market this idea!

and then i realized that the folks at Luxe Link totally beat me to it. They have created a tool to keep your purse off the floor in restaurants, bars and coffee shops. it’s hip and modern and made with only recycleable materials. It’s also only about the size of a poker chip and is super easy to use.

luxe-link

and i happen to have one to give away. lalala. you totally want one, don’t you?

Have you heard of Daily Grommet?

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Every day, The Daily Grommet tells you the story of one awesome new product each day, with video, content, live comments, blog and emails.They support independent and innovative companies with stylish, inventive and useful products….products like the Luxe Link.

if you leave me a comment on this post, you are automatically entered. (why wouldn’t you? i’m looking at you, my so-called best friends! and i’m looking at you, all you lurkers out there!) my brilliant assistant Emily will, once again, choose a random winner out of her hat.

ps. you can increase your chances of winning by subscribing to the Daily Grommet email – they are also giving away a Luxe Link purse hook to one email subscriber. Also, you CAN purchase them on the Daily Grommet site, but for 24 hours only! So, if you want to get one for a friend (they make GREAT gifts) pop on over there before noon tomorrow!

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also, in case you were wondering…i’m all judgey mcjudgerson about last night’s SAG awards SAD clothing choices over at Juice.

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  1. That’s awesome! That movie was actually on TV the other day, but I don’t remember what channel. I’m embarrassed to even think about how many times I’ve seen that movie, but I still kind of love it.

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    Comment by Erin on January 26, 2009
  2. I am WEEPING from laughing so hard. Remind me to use Emily’s brilliant Look Who’s Talking reference one day, should I ever need to make That Speech.

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    Comment by metalia on January 26, 2009
  3. What’s my netflix password again? Think I’ll need to rent that one to do my dirty work for me – I love it!

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    Comment by pgoodness on January 26, 2009
  4. Wow, I love that movie so much. I learned the birds & bees at an early age and that just made it all make sense for me… scary how much I learned from that movie!

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    Comment by Darcey on January 26, 2009
  5. And you wonder why we think your kids are fake.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Further Proof I’m Three Years Old

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    Comment by Kristabella on January 26, 2009
  6. the price is wrong, b!tch!
    haha

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    Comment by Giblet on January 26, 2009
  7. Hahaha oh my goodness!

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    Comment by Ashley on January 26, 2009
  8. Note to self: buy that movie.

    lorens last blog post..We’s havin’ us a witch burnin’

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    Comment by loren on January 26, 2009
  9. Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind when the time comes.

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    Comment by Captain Dumbass on January 26, 2009
  10. Um, I hate carrying purses for this very reason – I love this idea!

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    Comment by Katy on January 26, 2009
  11. I wish I’d recorded that movie when we came across it on TV the other night. But did I? No. Because my husband had to record another John Travolta movie – Two Of A Kind. Sigh…

    Can I tell you how much I’d invented something as awesome as those Luxe Links?! Especially after having my purse knocked and hit and in the way at a restaurant last week? Genius.

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..…and then a totally crappy day became sort of awesome

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    Comment by differentkindofgirl on January 26, 2009
  12. If I won I may actually start using a purse.. and that would make all my girlfriends oh so happy..

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    Comment by Laura on January 26, 2009
  13. And see that right there is why I have MAD respect for you, and why I am Soooo not ready to be a parent.

    I would’ve totally locked up in one of those “deer in the headlights” looks at that.

    great story!

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    Comment by Erica on January 26, 2009
  14. I can’t enter the contest (Obviously), but this?

    “How would Indy make babies with his balls?”

    Made my day :)

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    Comment by Angella on January 26, 2009
  15. My babysitter showed me “Look who’s talking” when I was five and it quickly became my favourite! However, I kept telling everyone about the scene where the “tadpoles” were swimming. Flashforward 8 or so years and I was mortified!

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    Comment by Cait on January 26, 2009
  16. Oh, thank GOD for Kirsty Alley! LOL. I can’t wait for my daughters to reach the age when they begin asking me about “balls” and “getting animals fixed.” EXciting stuff indeed :-)

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    Comment by ParentingPink on January 26, 2009
  17. hahaha! OMG Em is hilarious…i was going to tell you not to put my name in draw but hey i could attach that hooky to my dining room table and never have to look for my darn purse again!

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on January 26, 2009
  18. I love the purse hanging contraption. What an awesome idea.

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    Comment by Elsa on January 26, 2009
  19. I HATED having the Birds & Bees talk with my parents back in the day, but now we can talk about anything! Also, I am buying that purse thing. my purse spent all weekend taking leaps onto the floor.

    Kaleighas last blog post..Change can happen…

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    Comment by Kaleigha on January 26, 2009
  20. That is too funny…I will have to show that movie to my kids now…would LOVE to avoid the talk as long as possible! And also funny that I’ve now seen TWO posts about that purse thingy…would be great for a germaphobe like me :))) hint…I want one LOL

    Kathys last blog post..A moment to remember

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    Comment by Kathy on January 26, 2009
  21. Hmmm…allosing tv to teach the girl about the birds and bees totally beats my hope she askes Daddy when I am out of town strategy. I might have to netflix that.

    Also, I have a luxe link and I love it!

    Stacies last blog post..A new me – Week 4

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    Comment by Stacie on January 26, 2009
  22. I think a lot of parents are going to keep that movie in mind when the time comes. I know I will! Haha.

    And the purse hook? How awesome is that?!

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    Comment by Whitney on January 26, 2009
  23. that is AWESOME. and also absolutely HILARIOUS.

    kristins last blog post..i saw a lot of things last night.

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    Comment by kristin on January 26, 2009
  24. Funny!!
    We had that conversation about balls making babies when Sean had his V 2yrs ago…

    LOVE love LOVE that Luxe Link!
    Pick me! Pick me! Pick me Emily!!!!

    Christines last blog post..Fuck

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    Comment by Christine on January 26, 2009
  25. I was really hoping you would be blogging today about the Kirstie Alley movie on Lifetime where she plays a mentally challenged woman who is in love with a mentally challenged man who is also black. Seriously, best movie ever.

    ps. Is mentally challenged the PC term?

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    Comment by regan on January 26, 2009
  26. The purse hook is a great invention! Why do we always think of these things RIGHT after someone else does?

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    Comment by Ruth Willis on January 26, 2009
  27. Crisis averted! Who said too much screen time was bad for kids?

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    Comment by Mac & Cheese on January 26, 2009
  28. What a genius idea. Purse hanger where have you been all my life? Wayt to go to Kristie Ally for saving the day.

    Kalles last blog post..Under the Weather

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    Comment by Kalle on January 26, 2009
  29. Yay! Ali and a giveaway!
    You sure got off easy on that conversation, too funny.

    Kristens last blog post..Sleeping Arrangements

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    Comment by Kristen on January 26, 2009
  30. Your gal is HILARIOUS (and quite clever, I should add)!
    I need one of those purse hooks…pronto!

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    Comment by NEWMOM on January 26, 2009
  31. I’m a server at TGI Fridays. I can’t tell you how many times a woman will leave her purse it on the edge of the table! I tell her that her purse could be snatched up and gone before she even knows it’s missing. Booths are good because you can put it on the seat beside you.
    I do like the idea of the hook though!

    Joanies last blog post..I Hate Weather

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    Comment by Joanie on January 26, 2009
  32. I saw one of those hooks on Steven and Chris(hate to admit I was actually watching that show, but anyhoo…)and what a BRILLIANT idea! And I think we had the same conversation over the weekend with our 8 year-old, and my husband totally ditched me to answer the questions BY MYSELF!! He was standing in the kitchen, and as soon as he heard the words “swimmy things” he bolted. Typical.

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    Comment by Amberlea on January 26, 2009
  33. omgosh! i was out the other night and a gal sitting next to me, whipped one of those out (all sparkly, i was super jealous) and we proceeded to talk about it for 20 min, and again when each bartender had to ask about it. i SO want one. *sigh*

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    Comment by zeghsy on January 26, 2009
  34. I’ll never forget seeing that movie with my mom in the theatre. I immediately asked what those swimming things were and she shushed me and told me to wait until we were at home. I couldn’t even concentrate on the movie because I was so busy thinking about all the SPERM.

    And yea, purse clips! Awesome!

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    Comment by Karly on January 26, 2009
  35. Within the first week of middle school, I had to explain dildo, condom amd orgasm to my 11 year old daughter…That was nothing but a good time!

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    Comment by LibraryGirl on January 26, 2009
  36. Hysterical – I can’t wait to see what comments Josh would have – they would be a lot more brutal, I am sure.
    And LOVE LOVE LOVE the purse hanging contraption – me want one!

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    Comment by Pnina on January 26, 2009
  37. I always hoped there would come a day when you (super cool of a coolness) would be one step behind me for a change and today’s my day! I’ve had one of those purse hangy things for ages… where have YOU been? Neener neener neener!

    jasmines last blog post..family ties

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    Comment by jasmine on January 26, 2009
  38. Wow! That purse hook is just what I’ve always wanted!

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    Comment by Mark on January 26, 2009
  39. ACK! I’ve waited all day to read the second half of this post. Must.switch.to.Firefox.

    I have seen purse hooks like that in the stores for a couple of years now but they have been cheap and cheesy and totally NOT as hip as those. Awesomeness. Great find Ali!

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    Comment by AJ on January 26, 2009
  40. Whenever that movie comes on I always wait until the gross wiggly thing part is over before I let the kids watch. Just trying to avoid “that” conversation I guess. But now, I’m starting to 2nd guess that decision.

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    Comment by Text Imps on January 26, 2009
  41. I am so going to show my kids look who’s talking when the time comes! Great story!

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    Comment by Arica Saltzman on January 26, 2009
  42. Emily is sooo funny! The luxe link is brilliant!!!

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    Comment by Dina on January 26, 2009
  43. I am so winning this thing. Recyclable materials? Love love love.

    And, You? Saved by Kirstie Alley! I love it!

    I also loved the SAGs so, off to Juice!

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    Comment by Haley-O on January 26, 2009
  44. Why didn’t I think of that?

    kiridas last blog post..Another Mother-Son Lip Dub

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    Comment by kirida on January 26, 2009
  45. But, would it work with a european man bag?

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on January 26, 2009
  46. I am totally going out to buy a copy of that movie. He’s only three but if I start playing it soon I might never have to have the talk. Oh wait, he is in a question phase.so i wait till that’s over then play it on a constant loop…

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    Comment by Becca on January 26, 2009
  47. Loved the story and I share the same ewwwww-y-ness about floors and purses…so sign me up!

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    Comment by texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana on January 26, 2009
  48. Can’t pass up the opportunity to enter one of your contests!! I love Mr. Buckethead. He’s sooo cute.
    Perhaps when the time comes, Emily can come over and teach my girls about “how babies are made”…when the time is right.

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    Comment by Lan on January 26, 2009
  49. Lalala! I love Emily stories! And free stuff!

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    Comment by Jessica on January 26, 2009
  50. Only a pro can weave a dog’s balls, the birds and the bees and a purse holding device into one post. I stand amazed. I also stand purse in hand, without a proper way to hang it from a table. Sign me up!

    jenboglass (steenkybs last blog post..Fattie Update: Involves Cats, Lack of Judgement and Donkey Parts

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    Comment by jenboglass (steenkyb on January 26, 2009
  51. Only a pro can weave a dog’s balls, the birds and the bees and a purse holding device into one post. I stand amazed. I also stand purse in hand, without a proper way to hang it from a table. Sign me up!

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    Comment by jenboglass (steenkyb on January 26, 2009
  52. I’m always leaving my purse locked in the glove box for this reason… credit card in the back pocket! This little device would be much more handy. Thanks, Ali!

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    Comment by Chasinash on January 26, 2009
  53. Heh. Balls. Plumbing. It’s all the same.

    I’m totally renting that movie now. Especially when I know the man-child is going to be over.

    Snicker.

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    Comment by Redneck Mommy on January 26, 2009
  54. See, I am totally all over this contest. This is way better that itunes!

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    Comment by Dr. J on January 26, 2009
  55. I love this idea! Very neat..hope I win.

    porters last blog post..My 30 Minutes of Hell

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    Comment by porter on January 26, 2009
  56. OMG Ali, omg… I think I just peed my pants.

    that is all.

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    Comment by OHmommy on January 27, 2009
  57. SO funny!! yay for Look Who’s Talking!

    Also…OMG!!! Totally want the purse hooks!!!!!!

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    Comment by Aimee on January 27, 2009
  58. What a great idea! I once had a lesson taught to me about purse stealing, by a kind man in New York City.

    Jenn

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    Comment by Jenn on January 27, 2009
  59. Oh! I totally hate trying to find somewhere to put my purse. What a cool idea.
    Love the Indy story – at least she figured it out herself – LO!

    monstergirlees last blog post..Or What!?!?!

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    Comment by monstergirlee on January 27, 2009
  60. I so get the ebbie jeebies when I have to put my purse on the floor! I would LOVE one of those hooks, that is totally awesome, what a great invention!

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    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on January 27, 2009
  61. Gonna have to remember to rent that movie when the time comes. I want that purse hook. It is AWESOME-NESS

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    Comment by kd@abitsquirrelly on January 27, 2009
  62. I totally get the no purse on the floor thing .. ewwwwww

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    Comment by Sarah on January 27, 2009
  63. *hitting head against wall*
    I need to come up with these “ideas” and make some $$$!

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    Comment by Holly on January 27, 2009
  64. So I don’t usually just comment to get my name in a random draw for some random thing. But…. I *hate* not having anywhere to put my purse! I don’t know how many meals I have eaten with my purse on my lap, all bulky and awkward-like. Really makes for a great meal. not. I could definitley use one of those thingy’s. :)

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    Comment by jay on January 27, 2009
  65. i am officially entering the free swag giveaway. yay me.

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    Comment by steve on January 27, 2009
  66. I’m the nut-job who puts my giganto bag behind me IN my chair so I’m sitting on the front 1/5 of the seat. If my ass was a millimeter bigger, I’d be on the floor… with the rest of the Winnipeg snow slush… ick…
    Me want hook.

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    Comment by Nenette on January 27, 2009
  67. That movie thing was pretty funny. Also, I hate taking purses places because of not having anywhere to put them. i usually don’t comment to win something, but this is something that I would really like.

    Zandors last blog post..Crush, Crush, Crush.

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    Comment by Zandor on January 27, 2009
  68. Heehee, you said BALLS.

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    Comment by Laurie on January 27, 2009
  69. Um, it’s frightening to me how much Emily knows. She’s SEVEN for the love of God!

    Also, despite my loathing of Kirstie Alley, I do kind of love that movie.

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    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on January 27, 2009
  70. Who doesn’t love Look Who’s Talking? I swear I saw those visions the whole time I was pregnant–haha!

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    Comment by aMom2E on January 27, 2009
  71. Well I’m guessing that Emily’s already heard somehow how the swimming things actually get into a vagina, just hasn’t added the balls piece to the picture yet. But if nobody’s told her yet, I’m sure you could come up with some elaborate explanation involving a syringe.

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    Comment by Elizabeth on January 27, 2009
  72. I so want some of those purse hanging thingies!

    That movie, btw, a friend and I used to um … partake in some herbal refreshments and then watch it. The scene where they sperm are doing their thing freaked me out!

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    Comment by Chantal on January 27, 2009
  73. I am totally a so-called best friend. And I like free stuff. And I like your assistant. It’s win-win, alimartell!

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    Comment by heather... on January 27, 2009
  74. I am a germaphobe and NEED one! ;)

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    Comment by Suzanne on January 27, 2009
  75. You’re site kills me – you’re waay to cool! I should be hanging out with you more often ;-) Sonya.

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    Comment by Sonya on January 27, 2009
  76. Hurrah, presents! I have seen these before and think they’re ingenious!

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    Comment by Anna on January 27, 2009
  77. Thank God I read you tonight. We are on an 80′s movie kick around here and that was on my list. I am totally not ready for the talk and I don’t think either of my kids have a clue. This would only start many conversations I do not want to have yet!

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    Comment by The Stiletto Mom on January 28, 2009
  78. I used to have one of those purse hanger thingies about 20 years ago. Maybe with bloggy word of mouth, they’ll become the latest thing! My mom never told me about the birds and the bees (she threw a book at me).

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    Comment by Margaret (Nanny Goats) on January 28, 2009
  79. I need that! I have a huge new purse, and I hate putting it on the floor.

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    Comment by Lisa G. on January 28, 2009
  80. Hah! I have been giving those ‘cafe hooks’ to friends over the past few months here in Oz – and lo and behold, my BFF in Toronto sent ME one for Christmas (same sort as in your blog post)…love ‘em and works a treat.

    Heidis last blog post..

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    Comment by Heidi on January 28, 2009
  81. Thats a great idea.
    I have a friend who visited from Aruba and she said that putting your purse on the floor is a bad omen, that it means you don’t respect your money and it will vanish…

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    Comment by Chantal on January 28, 2009
  82. Genius!

    That goes for the movie lesson idea as well as those adorable purse clips! Thanks for the chance!

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    Comment by Jen on January 28, 2009
  83. We don’t get out much but a purse clip for when we do? Awesome!

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    Comment by St on January 28, 2009
  84. Did you add on to this post? Because when I read it the first time, there was no mention of a contest. So I’m commenting again because I WANT TO WIN.

    Kristabellas last blog post..House Hunting = EPIC STRESS

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    Comment by Kristabella on January 28, 2009
  85. I can tell you how the birds and bees talk is going to go at our house.
    “oh? ask your dad!”
    I remember the first time I saw my oldest with a baby boner…I hid in my room until it was safe to come out/I had to pee. I suck at that part of parenting.

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    Comment by jodi on January 28, 2009
  86. ha, at Emily’s age I was totally baffled by that scene in the movie.

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Four Eyes

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    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on January 28, 2009
  87. I’m and Ali addict! I don’t know how I missed this.

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    Comment by Heather on January 28, 2009
  88. I try not to think of all the gross germs that the bottom of my purse has picked up from being set on the floor…

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    Comment by karen on January 28, 2009
  89. I didn’t know about the Daily Grommet, so thanks for the tip!

    No Mother Earths last blog post..I am a SHAM…uh, SAHM.

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    Comment by No Mother Earth on January 28, 2009
  90. How much weight does one of those Links hold? What a great idea.
    I also love that there’s a bar out there that actually had that thought in mind, but I wonder how many purses get left behind at the end of the night.

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    Comment by sherendipity on January 29, 2009
  91. I’m entering your contest but I think I’m late. so really I’m just here to ogle Bob Barker (you do realize that is my maiden name right? shhh )

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    Comment by Carissa on January 29, 2009
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