Emily (who is, by birth, turning 8 in 6 weeks, but, by attitude, is probably turningÂ an age closer to, um, about 14): Why does Indiana have to wear a cone??
Me: well, because he’s a dog. and he likes to lick his, um, man bits. and since that’s where he had surgery, the vet wants to make sure he doesn’t infect his wound.
Emily: what did they do to him?
Me: well, they, um, removed his testicles.
Emily: you mean his BALLS? *giggle, giggle*
Me: yes, hon, his balls *giggle, giggle*
Emily: all three of them?
Me: yes. wait, what? no! there are only 2!
Emily: but, in Austin Powers, when Dr. Evil says he needs to count his balls, he says, one, two, AND three.
Me: that’s a joke, Emma. also, that’s clearly a movie that you are too young for. (parent of the year!)
Emily: wait, but WHY does he need them removed?
Me: because, well, Bob Barker told us to.
Me: basically, we don’t want Indy to make any babies.
Emily: hmm. what? How would Indy make babies with his balls?
Me: (shit, fuck, shit, fuck) (more shit, fuck, shit) *EXHALES LOUDLY*
Emily: Mommy? Is it like in that movie Look Who’s Talking?
Me: What? What?
Emily: in that beginning scene! with all those things swimming? those come from the man, right? and then they go into the woman, right? and then one of those swimming things grows into a baby, right? and then the baby comes out of the woman’s VAGINA! and now i totally know how babies are born. and now i totally don’t need to ask you. but you know what REALLY grossed me out, mom? that long slimy thing that was attached to Mikey when he was born! EWWWW!
…and that is how a Kirstie Alley and John Travolta joint has become my all-time favorite movie. birds and bees talk? shelved for the time being.
One of my biggest pet peeves is having to find a place to put my purse when i go to restaurants.
oh, you SO know it’s one of yours too.
you don’t want to put it on the floor. (um, hello! i live in Toronto. floors, especially in the winter = GROSS)
you don’t want to hang it over the back of the chair. (um, hello! i can’t even tell you how many times my purse has been knocked to the ground)
i was at a bar recently and after the server knocked my hanging purse to the floor three times, she told me that there was actually HOOKS underneath the bar FOR PURSE HANGING! genius, i thought. i’m totally going to market this idea!
and then i realized that the folks at Luxe Link totally beat me to it. They have created a tool to keep your purse off the floor in restaurants, bars and coffee shops. it’s hip and modern and made with only recycleable materials. It’s also only about the size of a poker chip and is super easy to use.
and i happen to have one to give away. lalala. you totally want one, don’t you?
Have you heard of Daily Grommet?
Every day, The Daily Grommet tells you the story of one awesome new product each day, with video, content, live comments, blog and emails.They support independent and innovative companies with stylish, inventive and useful products….products like the Luxe Link.
if you leave me a comment on this post, you are automatically entered. (why wouldn’t you? i’m looking at you, my so-called best friends! and i’m looking at you, all you lurkers out there!) my brilliant assistant Emily will, once again, choose a random winner out of her hat.
ps. you can increase your chances of winning by subscribing to the Daily Grommet email – they are also giving away a Luxe Link purse hook to one email subscriber. Also, you CAN purchase them on the Daily Grommet site, but for 24 hours only! So, if you want to get one for a friend (they make GREAT gifts) pop on over there before noon tomorrow!
also, in case you were wondering…i’m all judgey mcjudgerson about last night’s SAG awards SAD clothing choices over at Juice.