December 23 08

the second best thing about having a mirena iud is that i don’t get my period. ever. (before you go and get all in my face telling me that i’m providing too much information, just be thankful i’m not talking about orgasmic childbirth. aha. although, i’m not one to judge…) the very best thing, though, is that i wake up one morning of each month a complete and total hormonal snappy weepy bitch (well, more bitchy than normal) this would be what the layperson would call “PMS”…but, alas, with great mirena comes a very great problem…who the fuck knows where you are in your cycle…so it’s like a little gift when it shows up, unannounced. it’s like a game the husband and i play.

yesterday we hit the jackpot.

when the husband called me at work to tell me that Air Tran has decided to push our flight back from the afternoon until 7:20pm (douches!) on Christmas Eve, forcing us to miss my Stepmom’s annual awesome Christmas Eve party complete with a couple of these guys…

carol

I CRIED.

like, real, actual tears. at my desk. at work.

(and my poor husband now has his blackberry attached to his ear 24-7 trying to get us on an earlier flight. damn, pms. GO AWAY!)

and when i got in the car and heard Josh Groban’s “What Child is This?” (my very favorite Christmas song. EVER in the history of christmas songs. although i highly recommend the old school songs AND the Sufjan Stevens Christmas album. but…i have a special place in my heart for that Josh Groban…even since he took Ally McBeal to his prom. or something. didn’t he? did i just make that up?) on the Buffalo Christmas station, i cried again.

and when i got home, i stuffed some 3/4 of a tube of cookie dough into my mouth. mmm…and gained back all five pounds i lost when i had the plague last week. awesome.

i didn’t smile again, actually, until later in the evening…when i finished the book i was reading..

archer

(which was sent to me by my lovely friends at Random House Canada. i REALLY enjoyed this book. i have a soft spot for books about sisters…and this one hit a little close to home. i mean, minus the whole sister sleeping with the other sister’s husband thing…but one sister lives in NYC and is fashionable and lives in a building with a doorman and no kids and one lives in Canada with her husband and kids and yoga pants. ha. and if you read it, you will understand why this story below is funny. and ironic, and not in the Alannis Morissette sucky-but-totally-not-ironic sort of way)

…and the husband and i were watching Restaurant Makeover and an eHarmony commercial came on and they were singing their praises about making the PERFECT matches and we got to wondering what kind of match they would make for me. would it be anything like my husband at all?

eharmony

so, my husband and i may or may not have signed me up for eHarmony last night.

and we may or may not have quit 47% of the way through the questioning process because there are only so many questions i can answer about myself on a 1-7 scale, one being not at all and 7 being “oh yes! take me! i’m hot! i’m sexy! i’m nice! i’m giving! i’m caring! i’m liberal!”

it’s a good thing one of the questions wasn’t “I am impatient” because i would have had to click 7 for that one…or “i’m wasting your time because i am married to someone who might not be my perfect match according to your site, but he’s kind of awesome and does things like take the kids out for breakfast on sunday morning without telling me to let me sleep in and then brings me home a donut and a coffee. just because. and i have friends who are single and are looking to find someone who will do things like that just for them and so i’m going to stop answering these questions and do something more productive with my time. like catch up on season 2 of Californication and pack my family up for my trip” because i would have clicked 7 for that as well.

so long, eHarmony. and thanks for all the fish. or at least the laugh. i kinda needed it, in my fra-gee-lay state yesterday.

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  1. I tried that eharmony thing. I think it took a week to answer their gazillion questions! Annoying.

    Your husband sounds very sweet :)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Holly on December 23, 2008
  2. Of COURSE we are both married to amazing men who are good Daddy’s. I’m not surprised :)

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    Comment by Angella on December 23, 2008
  3. We just started S2 of Californication last night… Callum Keith Rennie was awesome.

    Have a safe flight, whenever it may come. Merry (or is it Happy) Chrismukah.

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on December 23, 2008
  4. I’ve got The PMS right now, too, which explains why there weren’t many cookies made out of the dough the boys and I made yesterday! The PMS roared in with the crying and a big, shiny chin zit. North Star? Pfft, Wise Men. Just look to me to guide you.

    I hope you get that earlier flight. I also want to thank you for doing something I’ve wanted to do for so long – the eHarmony thing! I’ve wanted to do it just for grins, and also to see if there are really men as gorgeous as the one or two they’ve trotted out for the ‘success’ commercials.

    All with my husband’s approval, of course! :)

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..would you like a gift receipt?

    [Reply]

    Comment by differentkindofgirl on December 23, 2008
  5. I’ve been getting very weepy myself over the past few days; there really is no reason to, I suppose, since I am healthy, I missed snow storms in Denver that would have STRANDED me there (like big time stranded), and I’m employed and married.

    Of course, I have been nursing my husband back to health for like, five days now.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on December 23, 2008
  6. Oh, and FYI, both my father-in-law and brother-in-law met their wives on eHarmony; I kind of wonder who they would find for my mother-in-law though….

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mari on December 23, 2008
  7. so much crap that us women have to put up with. it’s just wrong. anyhow, hope your flight goes out at some point and that you enjoy your time away.

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    Comment by raino on December 23, 2008
  8. How can you push a flight like a WHOLE DAY back? I’ve never seen that. AirTran SUCKS!

    I hope you get out today some time!

    Maybe you should sign up on eHarmony and find ME a man like Gabe! And then I would have to move Toronto. See? A WIN-WIN! :)

    Kristabellas last blog post..Eve of The Eve Bullets

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    Comment by Kristabella on December 23, 2008
  9. i have wondered if my husband and i would be matched up on e-harmony.sure hope you can catch an earlier flight.happy chrismukah!

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on December 23, 2008
  10. John Groban is totally my boyfriend. That hair! I just want to pull it.

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    Comment by hillary on December 23, 2008
  11. I hated that movie, but EVERY SINGLE TIME I see ‘fragile’ on a box or something, that quote pops into my head.

    I don’t have PMS, but this time of year always makes me prone to… sentiment. Like that damn THo’s commercial with the father and son in the hockey arena. Damn them.

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    Comment by Captain Dumbass on December 23, 2008
  12. The mirena does indeed rick, but I agree on the unexpected PMS (plus, every few months I get a migraine that day).

    Oh, and actually, I have to admit, the zucchini latkes were good. They also had carrot and cinnamon ones and corn ones (those rocked) and the traditional potato and onion. And I ate too much

    [Reply]

    Comment by Becca on December 23, 2008
  13. Glad you liked the book! I really liked it too.

    I’m so sorry about your flight!

    metro mamas last blog post..And I’ve Survived Another Crawl

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    Comment by metro mama on December 23, 2008
  14. I think I have to take out Californication. I didn’t know there was a second season. Thank God I read your blog! And, NO WONDER you liked that book! (except for the sister sleeping with the husband, etc.). Did you, like, WRITE it??? ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Haley-O on December 23, 2008
  15. Ooh, that might have to be the next book I borrow from you! Have you read The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters? AMAZING. And made me want to write an epistolary novel, as well! (One day.)

    Also, I get frah-gee-lay the day before my period every month, and it never occurs to me what the cause of my state is at the time…like last week, on the night of the great Santacon, I was all convinced SVV was going to break up with me (no. idea. why.) and whining to Moose at the bar, then bam, overnight, my visitor came to town–it didn’t even occur to me it was that time of the month!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on December 23, 2008
  16. I am so like clockwork, I know when it’s coming. Which makes me shiver in anticipation and yell at everyone just to prep them for what a cow I will soon be.

    Not pretty.

    I’ve often wondered what eHarmony would find for me, but seriously, my husband is on the couch in jogging pants and covered in kleenex and I seriously just thought “Wow. He is sorta hot.”

    So screw eHarmony. I wanna get it on with a sick person – that’s the perfect match right there.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Chantal on December 23, 2008
  17. I met my husband on e-harmony in 2005. It IS such a long questionnaire but we are a great match! I wonder if we’d be matched to each other now, three years later…

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    Comment by LG on December 23, 2008
  18. I hate PMS but my hubby says it is his signal that it is coming. He can call if from a mile away, or so he says, I am usually not talking to him at that time of the month. Usually cause he has just told me that he can tell my period is coming cause I am grouchy. Yup. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Enjoy your trip!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Chantal on December 23, 2008
  19. The questionnaire on eHarmony takes 4 years. But, the first person I met was my beloved boy, so it was totally worth it.

    BUT – guess what? I was also matched with his twin brother. Which totally creeps me out.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rhi on December 23, 2008
  20. I ALSO love Sufjan’s Christmas album! And I must admit, I was never into Josh Groban until he made a cameo in the “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video. (Please tell me you know what I’m talking about? Otherwise, this just sounds bad.)

    [Reply]

    Comment by metalia on December 23, 2008
  21. My friends and I use to put fake eHarmony profiles up so that we could see which people in our small town were using it. I wish that this wasn’t true, but it is. Due to karma,I think, RGM regularly places eHarmony ads on my site.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy on December 23, 2008
  22. What Child Is This is MY favorite Christmas song ever too!! I’ve never heard anyone else say that.

    And I had the Mirena IUD for a while…until one day I got severe cramps and it.came.out. That was SO not cool. My body rejected it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rhea on December 24, 2008
  23. I love my Mirena IUD too.
    And I may have to check out that book. I had a big to-do with my sister yesterday. Me feeling rejected, then loved etc. etc. etc.
    I do love my sister tho.

    monstergirlees last blog post..A Worse Packrat Than My Dad?

    [Reply]

    Comment by monstergirlee on December 24, 2008
  24. Happy holidays! All the best for 2009!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on December 24, 2008
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