November 24 08

sometimes we get these crazy ideas and i’m all, “awesome! a weekend with the kids in Niagara Falls sounds like a PERFECT idea! they can see the falls for the first time and we can go out to dinner and take them swimming and take them to see Madagascar 2 and we can have some GREAT family bonding time and i can squeeze in a visit with Tulip because she only lives 20 minute away!!” and then we get into the car and then I remember why we don’t like to travel with our children, oh, um, EVER.

exhibit a: the fighting.

there is NOTHING my children don’t fight over. over what carseat they sit in. over who gets to sit near me. over who gets what first. over what we watch/play/do anything. over who got the bigger cookie. over who gets more attention from me. ohmigod, they can’t even agree on a bloody boxed macaroni and cheese option. (emily chooses the obvious worse-tasting one, simply out of principle. little shit.)

exhibit b: the pit-stops.

my two younger children do not understand the concept of holding it in. they have to pee. all the damn time. wherever we are. gas stations. restaurants. grocery stores. movie theaters. they don’t care. wherever it is “I NEEDA PEE! NOW! RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!” so everything gets dropped and we accompany said child to the bathroom. i have seen bathroom stalls that no human being should never have to. it’s the stuff of nightmares, i tell you. and even though we cover the seat more than thrice, Isabella still manages to stick her chubby hands on the sides of the seat, for leverage, i’m guessing. and even the industrial-sized purell bottle can’t alleviate the sheer grossness that is the truckstop, side-of-the-highway bathroom.


exhibit c: they are kids.

so they do kid things.

like scream out “wow, Mommy, that lady is so fat!” for everyone in a two-block radius to hear.

like spill and shatter a glass of wine in a swanky restaurant all over several people.

like CRY because we won’t let them swim in the falls.

like CRY because we force them to wait an entire 15 minutes for our car to pull up from the valet. the nerve. although, that 15 minutes was a great time to cue a little bit of exhibit a and a little bit of exhibit b.

exhibit d: the sleeping.

there is no sleep. on vacation. ever. my kids are good sleepers. at home. in their own beds. that’s it. as soon as we mix it up even the slightest bit, they go all looney tunes on me. (no, not this one. heh.) cue exhibit a again.


so, i managed to see 87 bathroom between Toronto and Niagara. i managed to put superduper apologeticAli to good use when Isabella broke the wine glass. i managed to actually get my ass into a bathing suit to swim with the kids in the hotel (i HATE indoor swimming. almost more than anything. if i’m going to put on a bathing suit, i better be able to at the very least get a TAN) i managed to make it through Madagascar 2 (let’s just say…i totally feel her pain…) and i managed to get ZERO sleep. and i didn’t get to see Tulip…

so, it was kind of a trip from hell. for me.

but seeing my kids faces when they saw the falls? totally priceless. and made the trip from hell totally worth it. THEY HAD THE BEST TIME.

(i realize that we are not looking at the falls in this shot. but this was the ONLY picture i was able to get all three kids in. because got knows what happens when i try to get them to pretend they like each other…)

but please please please pinch me when i start getting these crazy ideas again…

  1. Have you tried beatings? I hear that helps. :-P

    Miss Britts last blog post..What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?


    Comment by Miss Britt on November 24, 2008
  2. Wow, it doesn’t sound so much like a trip that you went on so much as SURVIVED. I understand about the kids/bladder issues. My own Wee Lass seems intent on investigating every toilet room within a 100 yard radius of herself.

    Let’s just hope you never encounter a toilet like the one in Trainspotting. Eww. You’ll never look at Ewan MacGregor the same way again…


    Comment by IrishGumbo on November 24, 2008
  3. From the time she was little, we traveled to see my parents, so my daughter has developed into the world’s best traveling kid. She actually has better bladder control than my wife, and can go over four hours in a car without stopping to pee.


    Comment by SciFi Dad on November 24, 2008
  4. Next time, leave the kids at home. ;)


    Comment by mamatulip on November 24, 2008
  5. You were so close to me! Well, if I hadn’t been out of town this weekend…but otherwise, you were just minutes away!

    JuJuBees last blog post..I Need to Stay Away From the Pediatrician’s Office


    Comment by JuJuBee on November 24, 2008
  6. when we drive out of town or province we make sure and stop every couple of hours so little ones can piddle and takes forever to get anywhere but at least they don’t fight in car which drives me crazy.


    Comment by LAVENDULA on November 24, 2008
  7. This is exactly why our trip to Ottawa this August was the WORST idea I ever had! Family road trips…maybe when they’re +10, or maybe never…that mom clip was hilarious & yes, I have been singing that line for exactly 1 week now


    Comment by Maria on November 24, 2008
  8. God, that sounds like Hell! And to think, I thought of them as pure angels until now =)

    My dad is nearly the same with the pitstops, as he’s a smoker and our fam doesn’t allow smoking in the car. Also, one time when I needed a “GOTTA PEE NOW!” pitstop when I was just 8, we did so on the side of the highway and he RAN OVER MY FOOT with the station wagon when I was climbing back in.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Neurotic


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on November 24, 2008
  9. I tell my kids the reason we don’t go on vacations is because we are hella broke, but the reasons you outlined above are the real reasons!

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..that whole mama bear instinct? yeah. totally true.


    Comment by differentkindofgirl on November 24, 2008
  10. this sounds exactly like our vacation in august. clearly, going on vacation is a sign for my children to whine and fight at least twice as much as they do at home.


    Comment by Shosh on November 24, 2008
  11. Road trip bathrooms … SO nasty. We prefer to pee under underpasses. So not kidding.


    Comment by mommypie on November 24, 2008
  12. Indoor pools are so Midwest/cold weather places. Was it a Holidome?

    At least the kids weren’t trying to go over the falls in a barrel.

    Kristabellas last blog post..Employment Is Tiring


    Comment by Kristabella on November 24, 2008
  13. I feel your pain…I’ve so been there. This is why we do nothing. Ever.


    Comment by Amberlea on November 24, 2008
  14. Thanks for reminding me that we’re spending Xmas with my family this year which will require a 4 to 5 hour car ride.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Getting Dressed


    Comment by Captain Dumbass on November 24, 2008
  15. i have no suggestions or advice but i did laugh a whole hell of a lot. i have been there and regret it but then …. you see that they did enjoy the time. i don’t know how or why my mom and dad would even THINK about doing this kinda thing with 6 kids but they did! good for you.


    Comment by raino on November 24, 2008
  16. Totally hear you…we had the exact same experience this past weekend on a road trip to Ottawa…no sleep check. Hotel pool. check. Pitstops and arguing..yup. Got it.

    KathyMs last blog post..Time speeds up


    Comment by KathyM on November 24, 2008
  17. aww! sounds like great family fun! hard during it but totally worthwhile :)


    Comment by Tova on November 24, 2008
  18. Looney Tunes is a perfect description IMO. ;)

    The falls were a pain in the ass for me to get to as well but HOLY COW, they were amazing.

    Loralees last blog post..*@%$&*@


    Comment by Loralee on November 24, 2008
  19. CUTE pic! I love it! And, I LOVED Madagascar 2. But, then again, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve gotten out to see a movie. AND Josh changed RAscal and took him outside when he started kvetching. So, I actually got to relax. I ACTUALLY got to relax. So, I LOVED Madagascar 2….

    Totally related to this WHOLE post, by the way…. Traveling with kids…. EESH!

    Haley-Os last blog post..Three Orders of Business


    Comment by Haley-O on November 24, 2008
  20. You didn’t let them swim in the falls? You ARE a mean mommy.

    Rhis last blog post..THE ORIGINAL Friday Bullets


    Comment by Rhi on November 24, 2008
  21. Oh lordy I can relate. And for some reason I always forget and always plan another trip. And then say, “Never again.” but seem to forget each time!


    Comment by Lori on November 24, 2008
  22. New Lesson: never travel with kids and I’m bookmarking this post to remind me why.

    katie ~ motherbumpers last blog post..two years ago today


    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on November 24, 2008
  23. I hear that Gravol can help on trips, thought I am too scared to drug my children.

    You know, aside from tylenol and such :)

    Angellas last blog post..I don’t mind you saying My name, but not after you stub your toe


    Comment by Angella on November 24, 2008
  24. your kids sound like the hubs and me on a road trip.

    heather…s last blog post..All Aboard


    Comment by heather... on November 24, 2008
  25. Thanks, your post reminded me of trips I took as a kid with my sister. When the kids are old enough to not be entertained by a Pixar marathon, the trips are over. At least until old enough to drive me!

    Hockeymans last blog post..Adventures in Parenting


    Comment by Hockeyman on November 24, 2008
  26. Ah, yes, there are times in my life, especially while on vacation that I look around for the film crew that must be following me because our trips seem to live up to every bad sitcom or Vacation sequel ever.

    steenky bees last blog post..Fattie: Week 6 Money Can’t Buy Skinny, But Sometimes It Can Buy The Truth


    Comment by steenky bee on November 24, 2008
  27. Well, I’m the loon that drove from Toronto to Florida with a 3 year old and an 11-month old, and I dare say we may even do it again. But I can see why 3 kids are a whole ‘nother ball game.

    kgirls last blog post..At the Foot of His Grave, I Sat Down and Cried


    Comment by kgirl on November 24, 2008
  28. I’ve never seen The Falls. Very cool. But I was exhausted and overwhelmed just reading your trip there…

    Rheas last blog post..Pink Light Sabers are used to fight Shame.


    Comment by Rhea on November 24, 2008
  29. But you survived! You should just learn photoshop. It’s much easier than getting three kids in the same shot.

    Jims last blog post..Safe Harbor


    Comment by Jim on November 24, 2008
  30. I don’t take my kids in public. I want to, I want them to go do fun things. It just always such a Freddy Kruger nightmare that I can’t make myself. But God bless you for biting the bullet.

    shondas last blog post..I’m An Asshole


    Comment by shonda on November 25, 2008
  31. Indoor swimming is such a pile of ass. It’s so muggy and freakishly warm, not the good kind of warm like when you are out in the sun. Also, indoor swimming makes it really hard to ignore the strangers that you are indoor swimming with. Somehow outdoor swimming makes them less significant.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..Unexpected Excitement


    Comment by Shamelessly Sassy on November 25, 2008
  32. Hope you don’t mind…I’m doing a little linky on my blog to this…because well…you said it all so much better than I could have!

    KathyMs last blog post..Time speeds up


    Comment by KathyM on November 25, 2008
  33. Yikes! I guess I shouldn’t be so anxious to get The Babito potty-trained, huh?

    All the pain is worth it just to see the look of wonder, isn’t it? I know the feeling.

    Daddy Dans last blog post..Roller Coaster


    Comment by Daddy Dan on November 25, 2008
  34. the whole time I was reading this I was thinking it was totally worth it and there you all are smiling at the end. totally worth it.
    an hour more driving and it would be dicey.


    Comment by lisa b on November 25, 2008
  35. Totally laughing my ass off at this post! I can’t imagine trips with more than one child (obviously because that is all we have is one…. ohhh the thought of more kids makes me want to well.. that’s a comment for a whole nother time) none the less you are hysterical. Hope your toe gets better soon!!

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!


    Comment by Krissi on November 25, 2008
  36. [...] Demands Apology From McDonalds By way of THIS POST (small language warning) I found THIS hilarious video.   I almost peed myself when the toy went [...]

    Pingback by Mommy City » Blog Archive » Mom Demands Apology From McDonalds on November 26, 2008
  37. Heh, that’s funny. Surely it couldn’t have been that bad? :)

    Courtneys last blog post..I Can’t Sleep, So This Is What You Get


    Comment by Courtney on November 29, 2008

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