November 18 08

if you’ve ever read this site before, you know i’m no stranger to bizarre food issues. if it’s your first time here, hi, i’m Ali, and i have bizarre food issues, especially where fruit is concerned…

fruit does not belong in dessert. There are, of course, a few exceptions to this rule. lemon, like in lemon-poppy loaf from starbucks.

yum. key lime, like in key lime pie. yum. apple pie. not sure why this one is okay, it just is. maybe because it’s an american institution.

fruit does not ever belong in salad form. this includes congealed southern salads. no matter how many marshmallows you put on top of jello, this concoction should NEVER be made, and certainly should never be served. fruit salad is obviously NOT okay. there are fruits that i will eat. strawberries. blueberries. raspberries, bananas…but if they are mixed together…ohmygoodgod, ew. the touching. the mixing of the different juices. heebie. jeebies. also, on this note, random fruit bits shouldn’t show up in otherwise acceptable vegetable salads. strawberries? NO! mandarin oranges? NO! and the very worst??? MANGO. mango is the worst salad surprise. (also wrong? PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA) (also wrong? TRIFLE)

when i was in Chicago with McDonald’s, it became clear to everyone that i was going to have a problem with the Smoothie making activity. clearly i’m a one fruit at a time kind of girl…and these smoothies? these were not just yogurt and bananas. these were all-fruit cocktails.

and don’t even get me started on the drinks. i cannot drink fruit juice really of any kind. possibly orange juice, if i’m forced. but apple juice? YEESH. the smell alone sends me running for the hills. and then there’s the alcohol. i’m a beer kind of girl. vodka? good. scotch? really good. wine? also good. occasional bailey’s type coffee-esque something? okay. but fruit? NO. no cosmos for this girl.

drinks, to me, should NEVER be pink. ever.

and so i lived my life for 30 years thinking i was alone in the non-fruit touching universe. i was the wall-e of fruit issues.

AND THEN I MET ANDREA.

soulmates, i tell you. all those food issues listed above? she’s got ALL OF THEM TOO.

(and she, like me, loves olives but not pickles)

(and she, like me, has issues with fridge water)

(she’s my EV-A)

maybe there are others like us.

yes? maybe?

no? no?

or maybe we need to go see about some double padded rooms.

*please note….if any of these commandments are transgressed, we can still be friends. i will even be happy to sit with you while you eat your fruit salad, as long as you don’t expect me to eat any of it. heh.

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  1. 1. totally WITH you on the Sbx lemon poppyseed cake.

    2. NOT with you on the pizza thing. PINEAPPLE on za rocks! :)

    Hollys last blog post..why?

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    Comment by Holly on November 18, 2008
  2. Oh honey, perhaps you can get a cheaper rate if you share a room? lol

    I personally believe that ALL desserts should require fruit. I don’t feel as guilty about indulging if I can say, “Hey, look! Fruit!”

    Oh man, I am southern all the way, but the marshmallow/fruit thing has to be just the way my momma always makes it – marshmallows, sour cream, and DEL MONTE (that is very, very important) fruit cocktail. NO jello.

    Pineapple on pizza… If my husband didn’t like it, that would have been a deal breaker. I think I need pizza for dinner tonight…

    I am perfectly fine with my different fruits touching one another. Other foods, not so much, but fruit I can live with.

    And alcohol? I’m with you all the way on the vodka and scotch and wine, but ewwwww coffee-esque or beer, YUCK. Gimme a strawberry daiquiri, okay?!

    You did not address fruit chunks in yogurt and ice cream! Must know your stance on those items!

    ~~Fruit chunks do NOT belong in yogurt! or in ice cream! no!! ~Ali

    [Reply]

    Comment by Angela on November 18, 2008
  3. There are others. I am one! I agree on all counts, except that I do love cherries in desserts, but only like canned-cherry-pie-filling type cherries, like in turnovers or on cheesecake and such.

    That pink marshmallowy jello “salad” is just wrong and should not be considered edible. The use of the words “jello” and “salad” together should be a misdemeanor at the very least.

    And fruit salad…really? Once it’s all in the bowl together, everything takes on the taste of the most dominant fruit. What’s the flippin’ point??

    [Reply]

    Comment by AJ on November 18, 2008
  4. Heh heh. I understand & am with you as far as desserts go. Give me flourless chocolate, or give me . . .well, flourless chocolate. And nothing else.

    My personal kryptonite is the pepper. Any sort of peppers, but particularly bell peppers, can absolutely ruin a meal for me if the slightest bit is included in or near the dish. I married the only other person I’ve met with such a strong sensitivity towards them.

    By the way, how is it that you look cute in a McD’s uniform? I thought that went against the laws of nature or something.

    Legallyblondemels last blog post..Pretty Photos – Slim Aarons

    [Reply]

    Comment by Legallyblondemel on November 18, 2008
  5. I definitely have fruit problems. I don’t have a problem with them being mixed together or anything. Mine is more of a texture problem. That and I completely agree that fruit does NOT belong in desserts. Unless it’s strawberries in chocolate, but I think it’s the chocolate part that makes it OK for me.

    Erins last blog post..My Sister Cooked Dinner Tonight

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    Comment by Erin on November 18, 2008
  6. Fridge water I am fine with. I like cold, cold water. Here’s the water I hate – drinking fountain water. No. Hell no.

    Also a big hell no? Mandarin oranges. I can’t even say the word ‘mandarin oranges’ without cringing, which is a pain because I swear they’re on the school lunch menu every three days.

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..‘you know, i’m getting input here that i’m reading as relatively hostile’

    [Reply]

    Comment by differentkindofgirl on November 18, 2008
  7. I am in full agreement with you on every point that you made. Not that I am surprised…

    I might add that I hate lemon meringue pie.

    Angellas last blog post..Veggie Supreme

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    Comment by Angella on November 18, 2008
  8. I’ve never heard of issues with fridge water… But yeah, I can see it.

    Nics last blog post..Abbreviated attention span

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    Comment by Nic on November 18, 2008
  9. O, praise the lawd, testimony out there, sister!

    Pineapple does not belong on pizza! Say it with me, now! (Nor does mayo belong on an Italian hoagie!)

    Now I can proudly fly my freak flag when it comes to pizza.

    IrishGumbos last blog post..I Can Explain About The Tranny

    [Reply]

    Comment by IrishGumbo on November 18, 2008
  10. I’m the same way about fruit in my desert. Lemon poppyseed, key lime pie, apple pie, heck even pumpkin pie if we’re considering that a fruit, are A-OK. But things like pineapple upside down cake, blackberry cobbler? NO THANKS. And you know what I hate more than anything? When someone serves you either a bowl of berries or a cheese tray for DESSERT. I’m sorry, but what about that screams sinful?!?

    I do, however, like pink drinks. And pickles. And fridge water. That’s where we differ.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..I Can See Clearly Now

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on November 18, 2008
  11. hahaha! Ali you crack me up sometimes…

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on November 18, 2008
  12. I hate fruit in a salad in any form as well. Also WTF is with pineapple on a pizza? It so does not belong. Trifle grosses me out ever since I saw that episode of Friends where Rachel was making a Trifle and ended up putting hamburger and corn in it. Ever since then – I just can’t even try the stuff.

    Fridge water? Same issues here too.

    And I am all over the poppyseed cake – there is a big one in my fridge right now – made by a 80 year old aunt when she came over. mmmmmmm…..

    SleepyNitas last blog post..Things I Wish I Said.

    [Reply]

    Comment by SleepyNita on November 18, 2008
  13. Wow those are al the things I love in life. Clearly you can never come to my house for dinner.

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    Comment by LovingDanger on November 18, 2008
  14. I’m all good with the fruits, except when they get mixed like in a restaurant or something because then they always add melons and melons are EVIL. Pineapple on pizza is ok too.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Out Of Order

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    Comment by Captain Dumbass on November 18, 2008
  15. HI!

    I too have weird food issues. Similar but different to yours… cousins if you will. I am okay with mixing as long as we stay in food families. I can do fruit salad because it is all fruit. Fruit in desserts is okay because fruit is sweet and dessert is sweet, same family see?

    What is not okay EVER is sweet + not sweet. I too HATE when people put fruit on salad (veggie salads). I hate MORE when people put fruit or any kind of sweet thing (i.e. sugar, glaze) on meat—omg barftastic.

    I also cannot stand most cooked vegetables. Exception: potatoes, peppers & onions, corn. Other than that? Give me raw or give me nothing.

    [Reply]

    Comment by AlwaysCurious on November 18, 2008
  16. Girl, you got issues. They make for great blog fodder though. :o)

    Rheas last blog post..A 10-year-old girl interviews my boys.

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    Comment by Rhea on November 18, 2008
  17. I am totally with you on the “jello salads” (how does SALAD even make the name of that dish?) and “otherwise acceptable salads with fruit added” (those regular salads with manadarin oranges make me shudder). I think for me it is the mixing of fruit and vegetables that is all kinds of wrong. Except for pineapple pizza because that, I love. For no apparent logical reason. You are not weird at all though. I can totally see how most of these things could gross people out, even though I don’t quite have ALL of your “sensitivities”. :)

    Shannons last blog post..Not That It Happened To Me Monday: The Santa Edition

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    Comment by Shannon on November 18, 2008
  18. Pineapple and pepperoni pizza is the best, what’s wrong with you? I just don’t understand…

    Lottifishs last blog post..ROFL Award

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lottifish on November 18, 2008
  19. LOL – other people’s food issues crack me up. I have a friend whose foods can’t touch. I don’t think she’s ever eaten a stirfry in her life.

    My best friend can’t handle cooked fruits. Jams and pies are totally out for her. Me? I couldn’t survive without pie.

    My food issues circle around mushrooms, milk and fish. As in I don’t like them.

    [Reply]

    Comment by mamatulip on November 18, 2008
  20. Clearly we are soul sisters. FRUIT DOES NOT BELONG IN CAKE! HATE! Do not ruin a perfectly good piece of cake by putting some strawberry shit in the middle. The only acceptable layer to add? Pudding or MORE FROSTING.

    Also, totally with you on fruit in salad too! The only acceptable fruit in salad? Tomatoes. Mandarin oranges in a salad or a wrap will make me vomit.

    I can, though, drink fruity alcohol drinks. Only because they get me drunk.

    Kristabellas last blog post..You Know What? Case Of The Mondays Would Be A Good Title For This Post, But I’ve Already Used That

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristabella on November 18, 2008
  21. Hahaha – I don’t agree with most of these issues, but I agree with the fridge water – my parents always have a pitcher of water in the fridge and it makes me gag. I have a few food issues – the food on the plate cannot touch unless it’s supposed to (ie: stir fry, not putting your corn in your mashed potatoes) and I eat one thing at a time and save my favourite for the end. Also – fruit and chocolate do not mix! Chocolate covered strawberries are the devil!

    Juliennes last blog post..House or Bust

    [Reply]

    Comment by Julienne on November 18, 2008
  22. I luv trifle, pineapple on pizza, & fruit in my salad, but one place I will NEVER go is CONGEALED SALAD of any sorts, and of course – raisins do not belong ANYWHERE! In fact all dried fruit gives me the heebie jeevies

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maria on November 18, 2008
  23. Funny! I completely agree with you on the fridge water but don’t get the fruit phobia. Now squirrels…now there is something to get all heebie jeebie about.

    porters last blog post..

    [Reply]

    Comment by porter on November 18, 2008
  24. What about CHICKEN SALAD with grapes and apples? WHY do people DO THAT? It is MEAT and MAYO with FRUIT! Are they freakin’ insane?

    And I’m with you on the water.

    Karlys last blog post..The Time I Tried To Kill Myself. Really.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Karly on November 18, 2008
  25. OH GOD. Do people actually drink fridge water?????

    HORRORS!

    And I hate all fruit things except mixed drinks.

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on November 18, 2008
  26. I agree with #1 and #2, but you lost me with #3. Fruit and alcohol are a great combo! Strawberry daiquiris? Mmm…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lu on November 18, 2008
  27. Lets just say, you are not alone. I have the weirdest food issues in the world. At least according to my family. And the touching of certain things, it makes me stop eating altogether.

    Issas last blog post..TV shows? Am I the only disappointed person?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Issa on November 18, 2008
  28. Starbucks makes a yummy lemon poppy seed loaf!

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Chia kitty on a road trip

    [Reply]

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on November 18, 2008
  29. You know something odd, I absolutely am fascinated by people’s food hang-ups. I love that you have fruit issues. Love it. I think I fell in love when my husband explained his extreme distaste for yams or sweet potatoes. The only fruit rule I have is no one should ever, ever, eat a banana in public. Well, I guess I have that rule with any phallic shaped food. But seriously, just try not to laugh next time you see a co-worker going down on a banana. I dare you.

    steenky bees last blog post..Fattie: Week 5 (Good Goals / Bad Hair Judgement)

    [Reply]

    Comment by steenky bee on November 18, 2008
  30. I’m the same way. Fruit doesn’t belong in salad. I don’t like jello with chunks of fruit in it. I’m not a big fan of cooked fruit either, like apple pie, cherry pie, etc. I usually eat the crust. hehe

    [Reply]

    Comment by Ruby on November 18, 2008
  31. Omigosh, you ARE a NUTBAR! A FRUIT-and-nut bar!!!! ;) That’s why we WUV you!

    Haley-Os last blog post..Cheaty’s Dancing Cousin!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Haley-O on November 18, 2008
  32. Jello is never good. I like fruit in things but it has to be real fruit and it has to be correct. Like key lime pie. But I make the best pie outside of key west so I don’t eat it much.

    I like a good smoothie though so long as the flavors are correctly paired.

    I love Wall-E. Just had to throw that in there.

    Hockeymans last blog post..Brain Zaps and Bath

    [Reply]

    Comment by Hockeyman on November 18, 2008
  33. Oh Ali – you’re a girl after my own heart! I too abhor any fruit mixed with savoury foods. Fruit on pizza – gag worthy. Apple sauce on pork? Are you kidding me?! Cranberry sauce on turkey? Now why would you go and ruin a perfectly good dinner?

    And in salads…don’t get me started. Why would I want to eat lettuce and fruit in the same bite?! Especially with salad dressing on it?! Yeuch.

    And this congealed salad you speak of…all I can say is, thank goodness no one in my neck of the woods considers this edible!

    Lucys last blog post..

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lucy on November 19, 2008
  34. I think my problem is that I don’t like fruit really. Berries are okay, but I don’t like apples or oranges or grapefruit or grapes. Blech.

    I do make exceptions for trifle though. Cake, custard and whipped cream just can’t be bad!

    Chantals last blog post..Random What’s For Dinner Post, Edition 3; Cold Weather Casseroles

    [Reply]

    Comment by Chantal on November 19, 2008
  35. I totally accidentally stumbled across your blog. I was trying to add one with a similar name to my reader and got you instead. I’m So Glad!! I love your fruit issues and that you love scotch! yummm…my fave. :) I have veggie issues. They are not allowed to touch eachother on the plate, except in a salad, where they are joined by the mandarin oranges. :)

    The Stiletto Moms last blog post..Notorious DAD

    [Reply]

    Comment by The Stiletto Mom on November 19, 2008
  36. [...] read about The Fruit Commandments and shout a huge “Me Too!” (And also, “HOLLA!”) (I also confess to my [...]

    Pingback by Dutch Blitz » Me Too on November 20, 2008
  37. I love poppy seed anything. Must because poppy seeds are the legal-est way for me to give my inner-druggie a fix.

    I hate fruit juice, but it’s a stomach issue. i won’t give details.

    Pink drinks? That does seem wrong, but I can appreciate a good cosmo… but I pass on coconutty-flavored drinks. Too reminiscent of summery, beachy lotions. Not a huge fan of drinking lotion.

    jennyonthespots last blog post..Free advice to parents of preschoolers.

    [Reply]

    Comment by jennyonthespot on November 22, 2008
  38. I can agree that fruit doesn’t belong in dessert with the exception of apple pie and strawberries on cheesecake.

    But I like most of your other fruit no-no’s. Sorry. :)

    Courtneys last blog post..I Can’t Sleep, So This Is What You Get

    [Reply]

    Comment by Courtney on November 22, 2008
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