November 10 08

good morning! have a latte on me was what the note sitting on top of the Starbucks card sitting on top of my van’s driver’s seat read. sometimes it’s just the little things.

so, while i enjoy my grande nonfat latte on the husband, i thought i could talk to you about The moms.

The Vibe moms. also known as The Carpool moms, depending on the day of the week. interchangeable. they have brown hair. all of them. it’s either curly or stick-straight-from-the-salon straight. they each carry a version of a coach bag, in various colors and sizes. they are each wearing an identical lululemon pants and zip up hoodie combo. their nails are always perfectly done, and pretty much always the same shade – this month they are wearing a really, really, really dark red, almost black. they each have a toddler in tow, and always have the right amount of snacks and sippy cups in their designer diaper bags. they answer their blackberries every 45 seconds, and it’s always a call from another friend, to make plans for lunch. or coffee. or playdates. They’ve known each of for-like-ever, it’s obvious. They talk about their cruises and their SUVs (or their Siennas, which seems to be the minivan of choice)

on thursdays at Vibe, the girls’ dance school, i deposit the girls at their respective doors and take my seat on one of the chairs. in the Vibe mom hot zone. They always look at me, in my skirt and heels and obvious work attire. in my non-coach bag and non-lululemon anything. hoo boy do they look at me. up and down. down and up. they never talk to me. ever. even though some of us have kids in the same class at school, or girls in the same hip hop class.

the truth is, i’m usually happy to do my own thing. to play sudoku on my ipod touch (because there’s no bloody wi-fi in the Vibe studio so i couldn’t possibly do something productive. grr) to run next door to the dollar store to spend $5 on 5 things i absolutely do not need…but huzzah! it’s $5! how can i say no?! to whip out a possible grade 6 read-aloud i’m reviewing for work. to run down to Tim Hortons (which, ps, my daughter Isabella calls ‘Timportant’ – how AWESOME is that??!?!) to grab a coffee.

but a smile would be nice. a hi. a wave. a “so, does your daughter dance to timbaland in the mirror all the livelong day too?” i’d even take a classic head nod of acknowledgment…but all i’ve ever gotten, from any of them, is the stare. the i’m silently judging you stare.

is there a secret code? how do you crack into the mommy club? if i tell them that i’m silently judging them too, do you think that will let me in? i mean, i could tell them that Coach purses went out of style two years ago. or that an all lululemon outfit is just wrong, wrong, wrong. see? i can totally be one of them! (the truth, though? i don’t really want to be one of them).

but for now, i’ll just drink my latte and watch my daughter dance her little heart out and know that The Moms are totally jealous of my awesome legs. and ass. and hair. and you just know they are dying to find out where i got my Jessica Simpson shoes (because, yes! even though Jessica Simpson is a total douche most of the time, she makes surprisingly AWESOME shoes. Even Whoorl thinks so). and they are probably dying to have a place to wear ‘em. at least that’s what i’ll keep telling myself.

  1. #1: my daughter used to call it Timportant too… now she calls it by its proper name. Sigh.

    #2: simplest way is to have someone else with you. My neighbour is one of those moms, and generally she’s all about avoiding us at ballet class. But when a friend of ours remembers to bring their daughter (they often forget – why bother paying for classes you’re going to skip?) then my neighbour is all interested in being buddy buddy with me, and NOT my friend (i.e. she wants me all to herself).

    From what I can gather, the theory is solo=”loser”, companion=”something right about them so I should get to know them”.

    Then again, what do I know?


    Comment by SciFi Dad on November 10, 2008
  2. LOL .. my husband and I were JUST talking about this yesterday at my son’s hockey practice. There are moms there, that are EXACTLY as you describe (right down to the outfit and nails lol) .. funny, it’s only the mom’s though .. the dads are happy to chat, chat chat with me, but the moms, they just don’t interact outside there clicky-icky group .. funny .. really strange. And odd when the kids live near each other, go to the same school or have the same summer sports.


    Comment by Sarah on November 10, 2008
  3. I’m finally at a point in my life where I realize I will never be one of those moms or fit in with them, and I really don’t want to.

    I’m pretty damn awesome with my ponytail, target bag, and LipSmackers lip gloss. :)


    Comment by AndreAnna on November 10, 2008
  4. Fuck them.
    Can I say fuck here?

    What is lululemon? I’m so out of it.

    Marias last blog post..For Your Information:


    Comment by Maria on November 10, 2008
  5. Do you want to crack them? I don’t think you do. I know EXACTLY what you mean. You should see the stares I get when I pull out my knitting. My gawd. You’d think I had pulled out crack.

    Teris last blog post..Travels with Lil’ Jo


    Comment by Teri on November 10, 2008
  6. I so feel you! Same sitch at my sons old school and it wasn’t b/c I am a working mom and they aren’t. It’s b/c they live in a zip code where the median income is $80K and my zip codes is $30K. They drive the brand new benz SUV and I drive a beat up Sienna. To be honest, I just ignored them. It hurt, though, at kids bday parties b/c I felt like the last kid picked for dodge ball.

    F those dbs!


    Comment by Sarah on November 10, 2008
  7. While I dont have any advice about the moms, I totally agree that even though I can’t stand Jessica Simpson…I love her shoes

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..Dreams Really Do Come True!


    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on November 10, 2008
  8. Yeah, you don’t belong with these bitches. Be glad.


    Comment by slynnro on November 10, 2008
  9. They are TOTALLY jealous of your Jessica Simpson shoes, hot stuff.


    Comment by whoorl on November 10, 2008
  10. I can’t stand those women. You describe them much better than I could.

    threeundertwos last blog post..Books: Better when passed around


    Comment by threeundertwo on November 10, 2008
  11. well as the mum who always doesn’t fit in i hear you.too bad for them because you are awesome Ali!


    Comment by LAVENDULA on November 10, 2008
  12. You know those times you’ve been to my blog and your comment has been “I love you. That is all.” Yeah, well, honey, ditto. Seriously.

    Some days when I’m hauling kids and sitting at basketball practices/games, I feel like I’m the girl who got invited to a Greek party and was super excited, until I got to the party and found out the theme was “Dogs and Hogs”.

    However, we’re so awesome! :)

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..’til now, i always got by on my own. except nope, not really.


    Comment by differentkindofgirl on November 10, 2008
  13. sometimes I wonder if I live in the same world as they do…acknowledgment would be nice, but I don’t want to join them either.

    pgoodnesss last blog post..The post in which I complain and whine OR how doing yoga turns into a migraine at 7:30am


    Comment by pgoodness on November 10, 2008
  14. As the Mom who is likely to start up a conversation with anyone; that being said some of ‘those’ mom’s are doorknobs….. I have a few in my aerobics class.

    I would show up dressed like them one day (but a little more over the top) and answer your iPhone every 10 seconds – then maybe they will see how freaking ridiculous they look.

    SleepyNitas last blog post..My Amazing Buzzing Vagina – Week 36.75 – 37


    Comment by SleepyNita on November 10, 2008
  15. How about a Coach knock-off? Would that still be in style? If not, I need to go buy a new Target purse. Damn.

    Momo Falis last blog post..Calling Willard Scott


    Comment by Momo Fali on November 10, 2008
  16. hahaha, and i thought these people only existed in chick lit!

    camels & chocolates last blog post..Glamour Shots


    Comment by camels & chocolate on November 10, 2008
  17. I am with Maria – wth is a lulumon outfit?
    Anyhow, I told you last week that you are awesome and it still stands. Don’t worry about those biotches. They obviously don’t know greatness when they see it (or perhaps they do and are just jealous!)


    Comment by Renée aka Mekhismom on November 10, 2008
  18. Our oldest had a flock of them at his pre-school. Whatevs. Our youngest is in pre-school now and when we sit in the nearby Starbucks waiting for him we get to watch them do their morning exercise. I swear we see a parade of $100,000 + in strollers roll by. And every one of them in black lulu’s although most offset with a different top. At least they have that.

    Timportant. I love that!

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..My Womb Twitched


    Comment by Captain Dumbass on November 10, 2008
  19. We have a clique in little d’s preschool…high school is never over, it seems. Luckily my head’s off in the clouds most of the time, but every now & then, it stings to be snubbed.


    Comment by cristan on November 10, 2008
  20. I so do not get those moms – especially when I like to talk to anyone who sits beside me. Show me the shoes please – luv he shoes too!


    Comment by Maria on November 10, 2008
  21. Those bitches only WISH they could be as awesome and as beautiful as you.

    Misss last blog post..Beautiful Disaster


    Comment by Miss on November 10, 2008
  22. I have the same “issues” with the Football Moms. Seems like they go to EVERY practice and EVERY game with their husbands and children.

    I? Don’t go to practices (it’s practice! And Hubby is there anyway b/c he’s a coach). And the games? I drive separately b/c why would I want to be there AN HOUR EARLY?
    So they think I’m snobby.

    TrenchesofMommyhoods last blog post..3 Year Old Baby and His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day


    Comment by TrenchesofMommyhood on November 10, 2008
  23. It’s quite possible that those Vibe moms feel they must be exclusionists due to their own feelings of insecurity. Yes, staying home with my kids was rewarding, etc, etc, but my career and self esteem took a bullet on behalf of the kids. Perhaps they’re jealous or they just don’t feel as though you’d understand what their day is like. I’m sorry for that. It’s their loss.

    apathy lounges last blog post..Mispronunciations: Part Deux


    Comment by apathy lounge on November 10, 2008
  24. What??? You mean just having a child doesn’t provide automatic entrance to the Mommy Club? And here I’ve been feeling seriously excluded for years, yet content with the knowledge that I would someday gain admission to the Club upon reproducing – although the ones in my neck of the woods are all blonde and carry outdated Gucci bags . . .


    Comment by Legallyblondemel on November 10, 2008
  25. I think it’s jealousy. Seriously, if someone can’t be bothered to SMILE at someone else, then they must be pretty miserable underneath the Coach and lululemon.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..26 weeks


    Comment by She Likes Purple on November 10, 2008
  26. I had to google lululemon. Obviously I cannot be one of those moms.

    Kylas last blog post..Obama: Tastes Like Victory


    Comment by Kyla on November 10, 2008
  27. Timportant is AWESOME.

    Sorry you have to deal with The Moms.

    I’m in a small town and we all converge at the school and chat amicably…

    Maybe you need to move to Summerland ;)

    Angellas last blog post..Sunday Is A Day Of Rest


    Comment by Angella on November 10, 2008
  28. They’re just jealous because you rock.


    Comment by Nancy on November 10, 2008
  29. Um, I had to google it too. I’m definatley not one of those moms, and I don’t think I would want to be one of those moms either!


    Comment by Ruby on November 10, 2008
  30. Haha yes I dealt with those moms last year. And funny that first poster is right about when you have someone with you, they all of a sudden become “friendly”.


    Comment by Ashley on November 10, 2008
  31. Oh, I KNOW!!! Imagine how I’d fit in. With my cat-hair-filled OLD lulus and NOT-polished nails and NOT-leather purse! I’D talk to you! But, would YOU talk to me! ;) haha! I know we’d be so obnoxious there, and they’d all hate us! ;) Maybe next year….

    Haley-Os last blog post..Cheaty Gets a Life Coach


    Comment by Haley-O on November 10, 2008
  32. I would probably be one of the moms not talking to you – but it would be because I’m really shy and intimidated easily. Maybe not all of them are snoooty brats? Look for the one with the bitten off fingernails (I’d be that one) and try talk to her, maybe?

    Elizabeths last blog post..Having a Ball


    Comment by Elizabeth on November 10, 2008
  33. With the exception of hair color, I would completely not fit in with these moms. I had to google “lululemon” to find out what kind of clothes you were even talking about.

    annas last blog post..Cabbage


    Comment by anna on November 10, 2008
  34. Wow, do I totally GET this.

    i would talk to you ALL THE TIME.

    mrs.chickens last blog post..Six-Word Memoir


    Comment by mrs.chicken on November 10, 2008
  35. I haven’t broken into any Mom’s clubs, myself, but I would say the best way to go about it would be to approach them as though you KNOW they want to talk to you, they’ve just been too shy to do so. And yeah, Coach bags, especially if they are easily identified as such, are not the bag of the moment, so just remember that when you talk to them!

    PS I would probably not approach you, but I’d hope that you would approach me–maybe they’re the same?

    annas last blog post..70 Ways to Boost Traffic to Your Blog; Plus 3 More Ways to Increase Your Blog’s Traffic


    Comment by anna on November 10, 2008
  36. First of all….”Timportant”??? I totally heart your daughter right now.

    Second….I vote you buy them all a little Sheep figurine next time you’re in the dollar store and leave it in The Mom Hot Zone for them all.

    Alternatively…experiment with showing up in Lulus one day to see what happens.

    MadWomanMegs last blog post..Mixed Emotions


    Comment by MadWomanMeg on November 10, 2008
  37. You know I can so relate to this.
    For me, it’s the gymnastics moms. Same thing – so annoying. The funny thing is that one brought her mother once, and now they are all bringing their moms, and they are clearly coiffed before they are shown off. It’s so weird.
    But, today … one of the little girls kissed my son in the class.
    They didn’t quite know how to respond. He then proceeded to get all the girls to pretend they were cats.
    I was soooo shunned!

    LDs last blog post..I’m a (Guitar) Hero


    Comment by LD on November 10, 2008
  38. OMG, I TOTALLY know those moms. Like LD above, I have them at my 4-yr-old daughter’s gymnastics class. I think of them as the Track Mommies. She of the matching track suit, perfect pony and shiny mani/pedi. Blech.


    Comment by mommypie on November 10, 2008
  39. You don’t want to crack into that group. They probably don’t even know what a blog is…

    Jims last blog post..Church, it does a blog good.


    Comment by Jim on November 10, 2008
  40. I am totally experiencing the same thing. Totally getting the cold shoulder from the moms in our new neighbourhood in the states. I don’t know how to break in and not really sure I want to. But I need to make friends somewhere so what do I do???

    Also, my daughter called Timmy’s “Timportance” until she was at least 4 and a half. I loved it. :)

    Shannons last blog post..We’re off to see New Hampshire!


    Comment by Shannon on November 10, 2008
  41. Chest thump in recognition, except I’m the schleppy mom who gets the cold shoulder only because I don’t dress in the “gear” to go to the playground. Gawd I get this post (b/c honestly, the rest of the time I have no idea what you are talking about). Beeyotches, all of them.


    Comment by katie ~ motherbumper on November 10, 2008
  42. Wow. This really hit close to home…even the part about Timportant. “Mommy, is your coffee important?” my son used to ask me. “YES,” I’d reply. Hence, Timportant.

    Back to the Moms. I find it weird that every mom was like, so BFF with every other mom in the school yard even when the kids were only in kindergarten. How is that possible?


    Comment by Ainse on November 10, 2008
  43. ha! I can totally relate…half the moms in my daughter’s preschool in Woodbridge are like that…ok maybe all the moms in Woodbridge are like that ;)
    Me, I show up wearing my sweats, hair up in a ponytail and no one gives me the time of day…one teacher thought I was the nanny once.

    Gabriellas last blog post..A Year From Now


    Comment by Gabriella on November 10, 2008
  44. Oh, lawd, my dear, don’t you worry yer purty little head about them. Subconsciously, they are looking at you thinking ‘I wish I was cool like her’.

    Plus, your kids dig you!

    IrishGumbos last blog post..Sunshine And A Glass Of Beer


    Comment by IrishGumbo on November 10, 2008
  45. Oh, and beg pardon for being a gaijin Amerikaner, but could someone please enlighten me as to who or what is Tim Horton’s? Is it a local or regional java shop? Curious, I am…

    And does Tim hear Whos? :)

    IrishGumbos last blog post..Sunshine And A Glass Of Beer


    Comment by IrishGumbo on November 10, 2008
  46. Screw ‘em….they’re not timportant.

    The Over-Thinkers last blog post..Free Sunglass-Thingys! Ugly! But Free! (But ugly..) (Actually Butt-Ugly)


    Comment by The Over-Thinker on November 10, 2008
  47. So if I take my kid to school in my jammies and a coat…would I fit in?


    Comment by Amy on November 10, 2008
  48. ali, you rock. those evil stepford moms all want to be you for sure. i’m with you on the coach bags ouch. clonish and weird. btw, where can i buy jess simpson shoes in t.o. and where can my little girl take hip hop – she’d love that??!!

    amreens last blog post..The weight of a November morning


    Comment by amreen on November 11, 2008
  49. Those other women are turds compared to you.

    I was thinking of signing the girls up for gymnastics this spring, and I have another incentive – to see if anyone in Iowa knows about lululemons!!!

    The Coach bag thing totally got me. I’m not materialistic, so it’s funny to see all these snotty girls walking around with their purses thinking they’re so hot. I only have one expensive purse ($450 D&B, prebabies) but it’s so out of style that I’m embarrassed to still love it! Now I carry an $8 Wal-Mart beach bag, lol.

    lorens last blog post..Are you there, God? It’s me, Crazed-Mother-of-Three


    Comment by loren on November 11, 2008
  50. I’m stealing Timportant.
    I had that same experience when I was a hockey Mom. Hated.It.

    Sherendipitys last blog post..Nablowme Fodder: Meme 3 things….


    Comment by Sherendipity on November 11, 2008
  51. Well, I’m also in Toronto, and I get it. My kids preschool is NOTORIOUS for this behaviour.

    And yes, there are lots of moms that are all cliquey, and don’t want to talk to anyone new.

    But you know what? Find a mom that’s standing on their own and say hello. Ask a question, perhaps. I’ve learnt that they are all intimidating in a group, but there are some that are nice, and will talk to you, if you just make the first move.

    Be approachable, that helps. Even just a smile can open lines of communication.

    I don’t even OWN a pair of lululemons (and if I did, I would wear them to yoga class) or a Coach bag. I am not cliquey, or exclusionary. I hated the preschool at the beginning, because it was just as you described.

    But then I tried changing my attitude. Haven`t made any best friends, but at least they now say hello and perhaps do some casual chatting while we wait for our kids.

    Naomi (Urban Mummy)s last blog post..Choosing our children’s future


    Comment by Naomi (Urban Mummy) on November 11, 2008
  52. I know nothing about moms or mommy clubs so I won’t be of help. Life is too much like high school sometimes.

    Chriss last blog post..Paper Poppies


    Comment by Chris on November 11, 2008
  53. When my oldest was in preschool…we were the only family to drive an AMERICAN car! *GASP* I loved parking my Grand am next to the Audi and BMWs! I remember when he came home from school and said “Mom…don’t worry, Charlie’s mom works too!!” yeah, Charlie’s mom? A DOCTOR!
    I know this will sound like sour grapes, but you wouldn’t like em anyway…you are too colorful and fun to be hanging out with a bunch of stuffy moms and their matching Coach bags. Please. I am confident, there is another mom, similar to you, sitting there thinking the same thing! Maybe you two could hang out and rock the Isaac Mizrahi!


    Comment by Jodi on November 11, 2008
  54. I bet you $100 they think you are a snot and wonder why you never say hi to them.


    Dude – they have ovaries and saggy boobs and wonder if they are fucking their kids up, too. :-)

    Miss Britts last blog post..I’m Shaking My Fist At This Damn Lap Top!


    Comment by Miss Britt on November 11, 2008
  55. [...] apologies to Ali for stealing her title and [...]

    Pingback by Urban Mummy » The Moms on November 11, 2008
  56. I used to think I’d have more of a chance in the mom club, when I moved out of LA. But alas, nope. I am still not that cool…or stuck up. Here they are the perfect PTA/snack bringing/never forgeting permission slip/donating their time moms. I’d almost rather be out of that loop.

    Issas last blog post..I heart your blog meme


    Comment by Issa on November 11, 2008
  57. I can sooo relate as well. My theory is that it’s a bunch of women who have been pampered from time 0, never had to earn a living, never really had a career, went from Daddy’s house to husband’s house.

    So it’s all about this tiny little world where all that matters is having the right clothes and bag and nail polish colour.

    Call me a geek but just got back from a playdate where the mom and I talked economics and WWI history. And also Dora decorations for the girl’s bday party. There ARE real moms out there.

    Mamaloopers last blog post..3rd wave feminism at its best


    Comment by Mamalooper on November 11, 2008
  58. That’s crappy!
    But I say, if you actually want to talk to them then just start talking to them! Personally, I couldn’t handle the answering of their blackberry every forty five seconds, but that might just be me!

    porters last blog post..


    Comment by porter on November 11, 2008
  59. I really need to work harder at being more social. I went to my son’s school for his birthday and Veteran’s Day Assembly yesterday, showed up in my heels and nylons and fitted sweater – all the other Mom’s bar none were in jeans or sweats. No one said a word to me. Whatever, I’m there to see my son, and if they stare at me Fuck ‘em.

    monstergirlees last blog post..6 Years Ago Today!!!!


    Comment by monstergirlee on November 12, 2008
  60. OK, I can totally sympathize/agree with everything you wrote about “those moms”. I work outside of the home as well and even going to the pool over the summer they are so clique-ish and don’t give anyone else the time of day. sigh. It makes me sad that I don’t have as many mommy-friends, but I love working. If we decide to have a third, I want to wait a few more years (I just turned 28…so maybe at 30 we’ll start trying) and then stay home with the 3rd since the older 2 will be in preschool by then…maybe, just maybe, I can be cool and do playdates and feel like I am an adequate mom. :o)

    The only thing I’m all WTH about is the Coach Purse comment…I’ve had the same coach bag for 2 years now…it doubles as a great diaper bag for me…I feel SO un-cool now…thanks! ;o)

    What kind of purses ARE in?

    Christines last blog post..Friday Post, Bullety Style


    Comment by Christine on November 12, 2008
  61. Maybe it is because they are just bitches. Who wants to be in that club anyway?

    Kristabellas last blog post..Winter Wonderland


    Comment by Kristabella on November 13, 2008
  62. Can we please hang out? There are so many things in this post that I said: “Totally!” “Right on!” “Groovy!” (apparently, I’m from another decade..) that I just don’t know where to start. But I know those moms – I used to try to hang out with them and they ignored me, and I’m done. They suck.

    Timportant?! Awesome.

    No Mother Earths last blog post..It’s beginning to look a lot like…oh crap.


    Comment by No Mother Earth on November 14, 2008
  63. Screw the bitches. Those moms are lame. Who wears all LuLuLemon? Really?

    Courtneys last blog post..Thus Far, My Scariest Moment As A Parent


    Comment by Courtney on November 16, 2008
  64. Nice post. A good article for the all mom and dad


    Comment by Viva Institute Of Management Studies on February 13, 2010
  65. Hiiii


    Comment by MBA in India on April 12, 2011

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