August 22 08

things i am not at all interested in*:

bringing back a time when the girls were mine

free CialisViagra for me!

watching Moulin Splooge. or Shaving Ryan’s Privates. or The Blown Ranger. or As Hard as It Gets. or Forest Hump. or When Harry Ate Out Sally. or Pulp Friction. or Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon. or Lawrence of a Labia.**

cheap branded watches. from $170.

becoming the perfect lover with the perfect woman

growing myself a larger dong with these new! fantastic! pills!

a no test, no class, buy-it-yourself masters degree

helping Mrs. Fatia Kumah’s family

collecting my winnings from the EURO MILLONES LOTERIA

that Britney’s bits are on trial

Nick Carter fan fiction

the EZ way to increase my penis size.

SO STOP SENDING ME YOUR

thank you.

remember:

*this post was inspired by my comment on this post. about my favorite dick spam. because apparently now, he’s going to write it.

**okay fine. These are hilarious. you can continue to send these.

you too readers! what’s your best spam movie title?!?!? because it’s Friday and i’m in a giving mood…best title gets a Starbucks gift card. come on…you know you want it!!

ps. i finished Twilight last night and have now moved on to New Moon.

I have to say, i almost put it down after the first chapter because of a misused “myself”…was something along the lines of “Who is coming?” and the oh-so-beautiful (i don’t think we hear that enough in the story) Edward Cullen says “Myself.” um. no. that’s wrong. but i kept reading. and reading. and reading. and reading. and didn’t stop. and holy crap now i’m partially through New Moon….and i can’t. fucking. stop.

i need help.

also…i need to stop playing Metalia’s Twilight drinking game. because, hello, hammered!

also…Vampires to me are the The Lost Boys. seriously. come on…it doesn’t get better than “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach… all the damn vampires.” right?!?!

also…sex? is it going to happen at some point? seriously.

please please please tell me i’m not the only person on the planet who used to watch the show “Phenom“?

oh my god. i was, wasn’t i??!??

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  1. I just started New Moon yesterday also These books are a great read.

    [Reply]

    Comment by northportmom on August 22, 2008
  2. All I hear about lately are these books…but I have no idea about them. Guess I should go curl up with Google and figure out, eh?

    Sorry hon, never watched Phenom. Not sure if I’ve ever heard of it, to be honest.

    God, best porn movie title? I can’t think of one, but I just checked my spam folder (there are over 900 in there) and the top email was BRITNEY SPEARS FLASHES HUGE GROSS NIPPLES.

    [Reply]

    Comment by mamatulip on August 22, 2008
  3. UM- Yeah- I watched Phenom! You know that girl was in Jerry Mcguire (sp?) as the athlete that decided to drop Jerry for Jay Mohr.

    I wish they hadnt cancelled phenom!

    Mayas last blog post..Picture Thursday

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maya on August 22, 2008
  4. Never heard of Phenom… and this is coming from a guy who knows both Small Wonder and Out of this World… take that for what you will.

    Movie title? How about “Pulp Friction”?

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Crafting With SFD

    [Reply]

    Comment by SciFi Dad on August 22, 2008
  5. “Moulin Slooge”

    And yes, they have sex, but you have to wait a really, really really really reallyreallyreally long time for it.

    Phenom? Is that something from before I was born?

    lorens last blog post..Nervous laughter

    [Reply]

    Comment by loren on August 22, 2008
  6. SPLOOGE!!! That was supposed to say SPLOOGE! Moulin SPLOOGE. Gawd. Shoot me now.

    lorens last blog post..Nervous laughter

    [Reply]

    Comment by loren on August 22, 2008
  7. Womb Raider, Sperms of Endearment, Star Whores, Saturday Night Beaver, Throbin Hood Prince of Beaves…need I say more? I have over 5000 unread junk emails in my Hotmail account so I could go on and on…I usually post here using my work email but not for this comment!!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Steph on August 22, 2008
  8. Dear Most Beloved Child of God -

    I loved this post! I get a lot of spam mails enticing me to join swingers dating sites for ROMANCE! and DISCREET FUN!

    I barely made it through Twilight without wanting to kill myself or someone around me. I finished it (please, yes, Edward is pale, so pale, and Bella is clumsy, so clumsy. Please. I forgot after I read that 3,302 times prior. I hope the author reminds me…gah…). Honestly, I hated that book with a firey pit of hell in my gut, so I’m not reading the rest, but that’s just my opinion. That opinion is tainted, of course, by the fact that my view of vampires is also skewed by The Lost Boys and that hot, hot Kiefer vampire! I would take spam mail from Kiefer Sutherland, thank you very much!

    differentkindofgirls last blog post..‘come with me friday, don’t say maybe’

    [Reply]

    Comment by differentkindofgirl on August 22, 2008
  9. It’s amazing the amount of spam that’s sent out. Are people really that dumb to respond?

    I’ve never heard of “Phenom”. I just watched part of your clip … huh?

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Lost kitty

    [Reply]

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on August 22, 2008
  10. …i watched it…

    Christines last blog post..

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    Comment by Christine on August 22, 2008
  11. Unless someone ELSE watched Phenom, yes you are the only one who watched it. (To be honest, I never heard of it – what network was it on?) But, I’m willing to try it, is it on Hulu.com or Netflix or anything like that?

    Myself hates incorrect uses of reflexive pronouns.

    I don’t get any spam movie titles, so now I feel left out. Oh I get spam all right, but not the movie title ones. No Starbucks card for me…..dang.

    I’ve been avoiding the whole Stephanie Meyer thing, am I really missing out on a good set of books? I don’t read a lot of vampire stuff. I’ve read Laurell K. Hamilton, but that’s pretty much it.

    Margarets last blog post..We Pass The Gas Onto You

    [Reply]

    Comment by Margaret on August 22, 2008
  12. How has no one mentioned Good Will Humping yet?

    Disgraceful.

    Misss last blog post..Cooking with Miss

    [Reply]

    Comment by Miss on August 22, 2008
  13. I totally loved Phenom. And my best spam: Children are little shits. Video.

    slynnros last blog post..Because I Had To Tell Someone….

    [Reply]

    Comment by slynnro on August 22, 2008
  14. nope, I watched it too. i was sad when it was canceled.

    Oceans Eleven Inches.

    Issas last blog post..Broken thumb meme

    [Reply]

    Comment by Issa on August 22, 2008
  15. Hannah does her sisters…

    My neighbours are working their way through those books. They call it a book club but it is more like a book competition. The one who is ahead of the other threatens to tell all and they stay up all night hoping to read ahead of the other… Oh the fun.

    I watched Phenom!

    Chantals last blog post..For the love of

    [Reply]

    Comment by Chantal on August 22, 2008
  16. Passenger 69. Bridge Over the River KY. E3: The Extra-Testicle. Inspect Her Gadget. Jurassic Pork. Muffy the Vampire Layer. Porn on the Fourth of July. Schindler’s Fist. Star Trek: The Next Penetration. Terms of Endowment. You’ve Got Male!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Giblet on August 22, 2008
  17. I get a ton of spam, but never about porn. I might actually pay attention if I did. Hmmm…movie titles. Having never watched porn myself (never, ever, ever, I swear on my momma), I’ll have to make up a few. How about:

    * My Big, Fat, Greek Labia
    * The Adventures of Cockman and Throbbin’, and my personal favorite…
    * Ace Ventura: Pettin’ the Detective

    [Reply]

    Comment by Elizabeth Joy on August 22, 2008
  18. I’m just going off my latest spam: Show daddy your panties.

    gorillabunss last blog post..what do you think

    [Reply]

    Comment by gorillabuns on August 22, 2008
  19. Phenom was awesome. I had completely forgotten that the nun was in That’s 70′s show. Thanks for the clip.

    Kalle Cs last blog post..History of Eating…or trying to

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kalle C on August 22, 2008
  20. 1) Poke A Hot-Ass (pronounced like Pocohontas).

    2) Camp Cock

    3) Children of the Cornhole

    4) Jizz Show

    5) Bridge to Tera’s Nippula

    Dad Gone Mads last blog post..Pretty Much Everything

    [Reply]

    Comment by Dad Gone Mad on August 22, 2008
  21. phenom? what year was that on the telly? never heard of it. I have a teenage daughter and the TWILIGHT series were written for them not for us moms .I think they make for a light quick read which is nice in the summer.just waiting for the kid to finish breaking dawn so i can read it…

    [Reply]

    Comment by LAVENDULA on August 22, 2008
  22. I was a sucker (no pun intended) for the twilight series too. The writing is horrible and yet I couldn’t put any of the books down. The last one of the series I stayed up until 3am reading! My friend introduced me to them and told me it was about vampires in love. I was very skeptical to say the least. Now I can’t wait to see the movie. Damn you Stephenie Meyer!

    Oh and phenom? I remember the show and I used to watch it too.

    Lissas last blog post..Fear

    [Reply]

    Comment by Lissa on August 22, 2008
  23. So I started Twilight last Saturday, and now I have read the two books past that as well. One more to go…my poor kids have been neglected all week! But I just.can’t.put.it.down!!!! Between that and the olympics, my friends and family probably think I’ve turned into a vampire because am nowhere to be seen:-) You’ll LOVE the third book, I’ve heard the fourth is the best.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Julie on August 22, 2008
  24. So I have the first two Twilight books, and I’m in a conundrum: Do I started We Belong Together or Twilight next? So utterly different, but both so obviously fulfilling. Although, everyone who has blogged about Twilight has had the exact same reaction: the writing itself sucks (though the content apparently is amazing). Maybe we should have all taken a clue after realizing the author can’t even spell her own first name properly.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Relocated

    [Reply]

    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on August 22, 2008
  25. I stumbled through a lot of the grammar mistakes in the series. Granted, I’m not the best source for grammarian rules, but geez there are a lot in these books. But I did read every single one and tried to make my husband talk to me like he was a vampire. He didn’t budge.

    kiridas last blog post..what changes everything

    [Reply]

    Comment by kirida on August 22, 2008
  26. I am SO with you on the damn Twilight book! I couldn’t stop and now I have to find time while cleaning and mulching and mowing to get my ass to a store to get the next one!! YIPE!! (and those porn titles? CLASSIC)

    pgoodnesss last blog post..you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him

    [Reply]

    Comment by pgoodness on August 22, 2008
  27. OMG, I totally watched Phenom. My friends and I used to always quote it, “He’s a big smelly jerk and I hate him!” I had totally forgotten that until just now.

    Marilyns last blog post..Would someone get this woman a decent camera already?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Marilyn on August 22, 2008
  28. Totally watched Phenom

    Sensibly Sassys last blog post..You Are What You Eat

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sensibly Sassy on August 22, 2008
  29. Long time lurker and reader, first time commenter. I don’t usually like to comment because I don’t always know what to say, but this time I do have something! Just wanted to say that no you weren’t the only one to watch Phenom, I used to watch it too. I really liked that show, kind of forgot about it though until now! Sorry if this is a long and boring comment!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Sarah on August 22, 2008
  30. I just finished New Moon. I can’t believe I am reading this shit. I find myself oddly addicted to it in a strange love/hate way.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..Preschool: The Gateway Drug

    [Reply]

    Comment by Shamelessly Sassy on August 22, 2008
  31. I totally watched Phenom.

    Mooses last blog post..If God Really Is a Big Chicken, Colonel Sanders is Screwed

    [Reply]

    Comment by Moose on August 22, 2008
  32. Dude…why are my comments getting eaten? boo!

    Loralees last blog post..Sideblog: What would you do?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loralee on August 22, 2008
  33. Check your spam filter…it may be filtering out my spam movie comment. (Which would mean it is AWESOME!)

    Loralees last blog post..Sideblog: What would you do?

    [Reply]

    Comment by Loralee on August 22, 2008
  34. I get sick of getting in from a work trip and deleting 6 pages of spam.

    So, I’m right there with you! Well, except for that “Phenom” thing…

    Slicks last blog post..Another Oldie….

    [Reply]

    Comment by Slick on August 22, 2008
  35. In And Out Of Africa

    Lost Boys was great, but Angel was so cool.
    “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m gonna slay a dragon.”

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Email From Home: Jiggly Bits

    [Reply]

    Comment by Captain Dumbass on August 22, 2008
  36. You know what the awesomest part of this post was? Those are all REAL MOVIE TITLES. You know your porn…

    manager moms last blog post..Saving The Drama For Her Mama

    [Reply]

    Comment by manager mom on August 22, 2008
  37. DUDE, WHERE’S MY DILDO?
    BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA

    I’ve seen Phenom – but thanks to the age my kiddos I haven’t been able to watch much TV :( Porn on the other hand – there’s always time for that ;)

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mom On The Run on August 22, 2008
  38. A Tale of Two Titties – best porn title ever!

    I clicked on the Phenom video and it was familiar right away, but it wasn’t until a couple of minutes into it that it came back to me – tennis, Angela from Who’s the Boss. I think I liked the show, but it wasn’t on very long so who knows? I never would have thought about that again in a million years if you hadn’t posted that!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Anna on August 22, 2008
  39. OK, back to try my hand (no pun intended) at movie titles.
    The Porn Supremacy (& The Porn Ultimatum….etc.)
    A Streetwalker Named Desire
    The Ass King of Scotland
    Creamgirls
    Sunsex Boulevard
    A Cock and Lips Now

    Now I have to go take a shower…ick.

    Margarets last blog post..We Pass The Gas Onto You

    [Reply]

    Comment by Margaret on August 23, 2008
  40. Not a movie title, but such a great spam subject line: “Stephen Hawking defends Paris Hilton sex allegations”

    [Reply]

    Comment by regan on August 23, 2008
  41. Ebenezer Splooge: A Christmas Carol for the Whole Family.

    nomotherearths last blog post..Did you know that Jesus can read feet?

    [Reply]

    Comment by nomotherearth on August 23, 2008
  42. These porn names are cracking me up! The people who come up with the tweaked titles really are sort of creative geniuses.

    Kylas last blog post..And on the fifth day, he was absent.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kyla on August 23, 2008
  43. Do I need to start reading these Stephanie Myers books? Everyone else is…

    Marias last blog post..Gimmie Gimmie

    [Reply]

    Comment by Maria on August 23, 2008
  44. I’m avoiding Twilight, in part because I am just SO CHEAP.

    My favorite spams are the ones that describe in gross detail how you too can express the woman of your dreams by shooting a load onto the ceiling. REALLY? That is going to impress me? In reality, I’d probably think “OH MY GOD, HOW AM I EVER GOING TO WASH THAT OFF OF THERE?”.

    Becks last blog post..Everything is okay

    [Reply]

    Comment by Beck on August 24, 2008
  45. Haha!! Love the spam.

    Best one I ever got was “Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie adopt Britney Spears”

    Made me giggle for ages!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Bronnie on August 25, 2008
  46. [...] Friday we talked about spam. and porn movie titles. and i promised a starbucks giftcard to the [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » loud and gaudy and silkscreen-y nostalgia on August 29, 2008
  47. I’ve always been a fan of “Bright Lights, Big Titties.”

    dads last blog post..Updating our Allowance System

    [Reply]

    Comment by dad on August 30, 2008
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