June 27 08

there are days that start perfectly. the kids are not total loons. i can get myself dressed and ready to go on time. there’s gas in the car. money on my timcard. no line-up at tim hortons….and these days happen, oh, about once every 3 years. most of my mornings are like the one i had this morning.

halfway through brushing my teeth, i realize, “hey, my toothbrush isn’t pink!!!” i have no idea whose toothbrush i used this morning. but, if you’re missing a pink colgate 360, i can hook you up. (right after i lose my breakfast) and then i went to grab my brush. now, see, this is the problem with having a 7-year-old teenager…the product thievery. the conditioner i want always seems to NOT be in the shower.

(ps…i’m OBSESSED with Herbal Essenses. my shower is beginning to look like a Shopper’s Drug Mart…i’ve got at least one in every color and scent..

i’ve even got the one for curly hair, even though my hair is not even remotely anything but stick straight. and the one for frizzy hair just smells so awesome. i believe they really are all the same, they just have different smells. and i’m addicted. seriously. it’s a problem)

my brush. my lipgloss. my hair dryer. my flat iron. my jewelery. my elastics. you name it, she’s gone all swiper the fox on me…

so, this morning i went down to look for my missing brush. in nothing.

NOTHING but what god gave me.

oh, hello, my nanny upstairs making herself a cup of coffee. oh, hello, i wasn’t expecting to see you upstairs so early. oh, hello, had i known you were going to be up here i would have, um, covered up my bare-assedness and my bare-boobedness.

ahem.

i couldn’t find my timcard…which, yes, i know, sucks…i also didn’t have any change…so when i went to pay…oh, yes, not enough money. where are the old dudes who buy me free coffee when i need them? hmm?? so, i scrounged through my giant purse. and came up with enough money…in nickels and dimes and pennies. and total mortification.

so…how’s your morning going so far???? ;)

out of the mouths of babes…take 839…

husband, (to me): did you call your mom?

Isabella: you call your mom!!

husband: no, you call your mom

Isabella: i can’t call my mom. she’s dead.

apparently, in addition to getting an eyeful of the full-ali this morning, my nanny has been teaching my children about death. and she told Isabella that her father died because he didn’t eat. this was a ploy to encourage her to eat, so, you know, she doesn’t, um, die. like her father.

WHAT? wait…WHAT?

by the way, have you been by my Juice site lately??

we are pleased to announce that our hellish trip to Moveable Type was a disaster and brought us full circle back to typepad. the good news for you? you don’t have to sign in to comment! and the good news for me is that i can actually get in and can actually post!

so come stop by and say hi!

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  1. I can’t believe you missed the opportunity to combine the dead mother/naked mother/nanny thing into something else… like say, a zombie theme?

    (Or, even better: combine all three by having Emily swipe brains…)

    OK, so maybe the links are tenuous.

    (btw: you write real good for a dead chick. just sayin’)

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Vacations

    [Reply]

    Comment by SciFi Dad on June 27, 2008
  2. Wow, not sure how i’d feel about my nanny teaching my kids that they’d die if they didn’t eat…does she read this blog? Also not looking forward to madeline turning any older than 3…she already swipes my purses and make-up brushes.

    JuJuBees last blog post..Maybe He’ll Potty Train Early Too?

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    Comment by JuJuBee on June 27, 2008
  3. hmm… did the ploy work?

    Man .. I would have been mortified seeing the nanny while in the buff.. Mind you, with your hot body you had nothing to hide I suppose :)
    how did she react lol?

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    Comment by sarah on June 27, 2008
  4. Just wait. I think I always start with that statement. My girls are 17 and 11 and I keep my stuff hidden or under lock and key. From jewlry right down to socks if you don’t secure it they think its fair game. Good Luck Let me know if you find a solution so far I have none.

    [Reply]

    Comment by northportmom on June 27, 2008
  5. umm, I second your opinion on the Herbal Essences thing. I have, umm, at least 5 bottles in my shower. I would have to say that my current favorite is the hydration/coconut conditioner. YUM!

    Also, I have a pink colgate 360… but I don’t think I left it at your house.

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    Comment by Sarah on June 27, 2008
  6. you really crack me up! I must get to work now…

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    Comment by Maria on June 27, 2008
  7. Oh man if I had had your morning today I may just have had to lay down and die.

    Chantals last blog post..busy

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    Comment by Chantal on June 27, 2008
  8. I was running late this morning, almost missed the bus, which means I had to almost run to the bus stop and it is 80 and HUMID which means my hair now looks like shit. So tell me, why did I make myself late by doing my hair when it looks the same as when I got out of bed this morning?

    Kristabellas last blog post..Tales From The Bus

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    Comment by Kristabella on June 27, 2008
  9. I so would have looked that nanny in the eyes and said, “yes, they’re real…and they’re spectacular.” Okay I would only say that if I were you.

    You totally got me hooked on that shampoo a long time ago. I was just hunting for one that smells like coconut and it was ali to the rescue. Now I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And since I just have boys, it’s never missing, just occasionally full of water or bubble bath. :|

    Hope your day goes better than your morning!

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    Comment by AJ on June 27, 2008
  10. hahaha! Ali i have a 7 year old teenager too.her and my 3 year old don’t leave my things alone.do you know what i found in my bedroom last week?my hand lotion from my purse all over my room mixed with toilet paper.isn’t stinkerbell clever?!oh and the 7 year old going on 15 is always getting into my lotion and hair stuff.damn!

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on June 27, 2008
  11. Your Nanny gets to see more of you than she probably thought was in the job description.

    I use Herbal Essences mousse. The shampoo & conditioner don’t work, but the mousse is divine :)

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    Comment by Angella on June 27, 2008
  12. I keep seeing these comments for this entry mentioning coconut conditioner; Organix, I think that’s the brand, makes an AWESOME coconut milk conditioner… AWESOME I say, and there’s a shampoo too.

    *clears throat*

    Anyway, Herbal Essences isn’t my thing, but I AM a perfume weirdo. Meaning I’ve got at least sic, all of which could fit in my bag if I were so inclined.

    The stealing posessions thing? Yeah, never really did that with my mother, even though she tried her best to keep me from being girly.

    NOT JOKING, the only girly clothes I had freshman year were because I had wonderful grandparents. It’s how I got my first ACTUAL bras too, instead of sports ones.

    Maris last blog post..Links Times Three?

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    Comment by Mari on June 27, 2008
  13. Too funny, I too would have been mortified. You so should get the automaically refilling Timcard (if you don’t have already) I LOVE this!

    KathyMs last blog post..Time flies

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    Comment by KathyM on June 27, 2008
  14. Oh NOOOOO!
    Yeah, that shampoo smells nicccceeee. I wish it was nicer on my hair, but I keep buying it anyhow.

    Rebeccas last blog post..Of Course That Was The After Picture!

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    Comment by Rebecca on June 27, 2008
  15. my mother in law totally walked in on me naked after we first brought our baby home. She later told me not to worry, she didn’t see anything, but when someone tells you they didn’t see anything that means they saw EVERYTHING!!!

    Mikes last blog post..My Wife Is Da Bomb, Yo!!!!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mike on June 27, 2008
  16. I can’t wait to be able to do all those ‘big girl’ things alone.
    Like pee, get dressed, shower….it’s either the girls or my hubby in my face all the time.

    my little one this morning asked me how I pee with my furry ya-ya.

    out of the mouths of babes all right!

    Swirl Girls last blog post..Oddly Amusing

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    Comment by Swirl Girl on June 27, 2008
  17. What happened to the poor starving children mantra?

    These days, I’d freak if my husband saw me naked much less a nanny.

    [Reply]

    Comment by gorillabuns on June 27, 2008
  18. I hold the same herbal essences theory. same stuff, different scents (which are all awesome). Someone decided to tell my daughter about dead relatives lately, and she’s obsessed with talking about dead people. or asking if they’re dead, etc.

    Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..Vacant Uterus: Not Accepting Applications

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    Comment by Shamelessly Sassy on June 27, 2008
  19. Ouch.

    Our former nanny was teaching Jolie the ABCDH menos P’s.

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    Comment by KC on June 27, 2008
  20. Wait until she can actually fit into your clothes. When you’re all set to get dress, with an outfit in mind, you go searching for this outfit and where is it? On your daughther’s bedroom floor or hamper. It pisses me off to no end. Plus I hate it when my clothes look better on her.

    [Reply]

    Comment by maria on June 27, 2008
  21. That’s totally the way to get someone to do something; scare them with DEATH. That’s exactly how I operate. My children are going to be so well adjusted.

    Heather B.s last blog post..Reach

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    Comment by Heather B. on June 28, 2008
  22. My jaw dropped when I read what Isabella said!!! HA!!! (And, I can’t believe your nanny’s getting Bella to eat like THAT! What…wait…WHAT!?!

    Haley-Os last blog post..The Cheaty Monkey and Me

    [Reply]

    Comment by Haley-O on June 28, 2008
  23. Oh how I love herbal essences—however, do you remember their scent about 10-15 years ago? I remember it as being apple-y. I miss it. My favorite smelling shampoo ever was Revlon Outrageous Shampoo. I think Cindy Crawford was the spokemodel for it. SO good. SO no-longer-on-the-market.

    The Over-Thinkers last blog post..One Wedding, 12 Phallic Straws and a Previously Buried Fear of Heights later…

    [Reply]

    Comment by The Over-Thinker on June 28, 2008
  24. Featured on Good Mom/Bad mom on the Chronicle: http://tinyurl.com/6lwlue

    Jenny, bloggesss last blog post..Irony is awesome – UPDATED

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jenny, bloggess on June 29, 2008
  25. It was me. I stole your stuff. I’m going to sell it on eBay to help pay my BlogHer bill.

    moosh in indy.s last blog post..Crazy Sober Mormons.

    [Reply]

    Comment by moosh in indy. on June 29, 2008
  26. Um, I think you should deduct your kids’ future therapy bills from your nanny’s take home pay. I have tried MANY things to get my kids to eat, but veiled death threats is definitely a new one…

    manager moms last blog post..When Worlds Collide

    [Reply]

    Comment by manager mom on June 29, 2008
  27. We’re addicted to shower gels in our house.

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Book ~ "Con Ed" (2007) Matthew Klein

    [Reply]

    Comment by Teena in Toronto on June 29, 2008
  28. That pictures cracks me up!

    Kristies last blog post..Fuckity Fuck

    [Reply]

    Comment by Kristie on June 30, 2008
  29. I love the Herbal Essence line as well. I have the purple one (for curls) up at the cottage and LOVED using it all weekend. Too bad we have to take short showers up there–military style (turn off water while lathering up).

    Multi-Tasking Mommys last blog post..Lucky!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on July 4, 2008
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