June 20 08

what exactly ARE they teaching my son in school? i shell out $12,000 a year for him to bring THIS home to me…

i have seen this problem before…thank you, SUPERBAD…

anyone want to take a guess as to what it’s really SUPPOSED to be???

on fridays my friends and i have what’s known around here as “google search fridays” where we LAUGH and CRY at the funniest and sickest and saddest search terms that got people to this site. two most popular search terms to get people to alimartell.com…what would you think? ali martell blog? cheaper than therapy? no. #1 is Chad Michael Murray. what? and #2 is…WAIT FOR IT. Dawn and Ash Pokemon Fucking. pokemon porn people!

anyway, sometime this week, there was a search for “Celebs to run the amazing race with Dwight Shrute” and i thought…awesome! how awesome would Dwight Shrute be to run the race with??!?!?

so, after much deliberation…the top 5 tv characters i’d like to run The Amazing Race with are, in no particular order…

1) John Locke – LOST (does this need any sort of explanation. John Locke is the SHIT)

2) GOB Bluth – Arrested Development (we might lose. but we’d always have magic)

3) Peter Petrelli – Heroes (um. dude. he is by far my most favorite of the Heroes heroes. and the most easy on the eyes. take that, Hayden Panettiere)

4) Barney – How I Met Your Mother (sure we’d have to SUIT UP…but a race around the world with ‘Swarley’ would be legen….wait for it…dary.

5) Sydney Bristow – Alias (she kicks ass. hands down. and it helps that she’s totally HOT)

what about you??

  1. question-
    how exactley do you know what searches pple do and end up at your site? I would love to see what brings pple to mine.

    btw- what is that a drawing of? something jewish bec i cant pit my finger on it- unless it is a finger!

    Mayas last blog post..Trip: In pictures part 2


    Comment by Maya on June 20, 2008
  2. hmm.. well, what did Josh say they were?

    I’m stretching for a guess: how about four colored markers? No? ok, four one-eyed people in sleeping bags?


    Comment by sarah on June 20, 2008
  3. My number one search is for a laxative product. Not shocking.

    slynnros last blog post..Things I am Loving Today


    Comment by slynnro on June 20, 2008
  4. One of my all-time favourite searches to my site was for “hot boobs spraying milk”.


    I think Dwight Shrute would be a pretty awesome companion on the amazing race.

    Angellas last blog post..I Lost My Gift


    Comment by Angella on June 20, 2008
  5. *snort*

    I have no freakin’ idea what Josh’s drawing is supposed to be. All I can think of is “one-eyed trouser snake.”



    Comment by mamatulip on June 20, 2008
  6. I would say Mike Rowe, but I’m afraid he’d pontificate my ass to death.

    That much in tuition? I think my bank account just had a heart attack and died too.

    Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..How I Know God Wants Me To Fully Partake In Adult Drinks


    Comment by Queen of Shake Shake on June 20, 2008
  7. My biggest search is Jen Lancaster. Which is weird because if you’re searching for Jen Lancaster, wouldn’t you go to HER site?

    I also get chubby feet a lot.

    I would want to do The Amazing Race with Sawyer. Or Lorelai from The Gilmore Girls. Just for the banter.

    Kristabellas last blog post..And I Don’t Think I Said Fuck Once


    Comment by Kristabella on June 20, 2008
  8. One-eyed snakes. Oh wait, ewww.

    Good list. I agree with all of them, but I would replace John Locke with Zac Braff. For the soul reason that he is dreamy.

    My number one search is wetting the bed.

    Megans last blog post..I need more!


    Comment by Megan on June 20, 2008
  9. Oh my god, that picture is hysterical! I can’t wait to have kids so they can bring me home stuff like that! My guess is multicolored popsicles??
    Oh, and I would totally want Sawyer with me. Cuz he’s hot. And badass.


    Comment by Katie on June 20, 2008
  10. Oh my god, that picture is hysterical! I can’t wait to have kids so they can bring me home stuff like that! My guess is multicolored popsicles??
    Oh, and I would totally want Sawyer with me. Cuz he’s hot. And badass.

    Katies last blog post..My Father’s Daughter


    Comment by Katie on June 20, 2008
  11. I have a few odd searches that routinely find me, like “how to turn girlfriend purple” but my favorite was “where’s the party at bitches?” I love that.

    Also, I agree about Peter Petrelli although I wouldn’t take Milo. I’d want my Amazing Race partner to focus on the game and not teenagers.

    She Likes Purples last blog post..The View


    Comment by She Likes Purple on June 20, 2008
  12. Kim Bauer – 24
    Claire Bennet – Heroes
    Mary Camden – 7th Heaven
    Phoebe Halliwell – Charmed
    Kate Austen – Lost

    I don’t think we’d win… but race be damned…


    Comment by Giblet on June 20, 2008
  13. I thought they were purses :)

    Agreed on Sydney Bristow! And maybe Courtney Cox, too. She seems like she would be scrappy!


    Comment by Sarah on June 20, 2008
  14. I get searches like, “show daddy your panties,” “big lips,” and “i’d like to screw my sister-in-law.”

    gorillabunss last blog post..the solution


    Comment by gorillabuns on June 20, 2008
  15. My top 3 searches are:
    1. My pee smells like tuna
    2. Big tits stupid girls
    3. If it smells like chicken keep on licken’
    4. Boob alphabet
    5. I hate my skin.

    Yesterday someone came to my blog with the term :”the bathrooms in hell smell like this”

    Where are these freaks from?

    SleepyNitas last blog post..Zenni Optical: A Cheap Pair of Glasses (or three) Review


    Comment by SleepyNita on June 20, 2008
  16. awww those little penis shirts are adorable! where can i buy some? hahaha!ohh wouldn’t that be awesome to go on amazing race with your fave tv characters.


    Comment by LAVENDULA on June 20, 2008
  17. GOB Bluth – ROFLMAO. Yes, that would be great. And I totally agree with Barney and Sydney Barstow.

    Giggling too much at your comments to think on my own…

    pgoodnesss last blog post..One more example


    Comment by pgoodness on June 20, 2008
  18. I can only think of one right now since it’s Friday and I’m barely here at work as it is. heh.

    Jackie Warner from Work Out! I love her! We’d win b/c she kicks ass, takes names and … other stuff.

    marys last blog post..Don’t Come to the Islands


    Comment by mary on June 20, 2008
  19. I’d say Kate Austen, maybe Juliette from Lost as well, Barney (fo schiz), Elle (Kristen Bell) from Heroes or maybe even Veronica Mars..and ack! I’m a TV addict and can’t even come up with a fifth! Does Phil from TAR count? Because I’d totally take him any day!

    As for your son, those look like those test tube shots the barmaids carry around and try to cram down your throat…

    Also, I just checked and once again I missed the Amazing Race deadline — it was three weeks ago, AAARRRRGH! Though my mom made me swear Scott and I would never go on it: “I like Scott too much to lose him!” she says. Thanks, Mom.

    Camels & Chocolates last blog post..Good-Bye and Good Riddance


    Comment by Camels & Chocolate on June 20, 2008
  20. I agree with Giblet on Phoebe Halliwell. I’d also add Buffy the Vampire Slayer! You never know demons you might run into! :)

    cs last blog post..A New Journey


    Comment by c on June 20, 2008
  21. Oh. Good ones! I’d have to add Keanu Reeves, just to have some eye candy.

    manager moms last blog post..To My No Longer A First Grader


    Comment by manager mom on June 20, 2008
  22. he’s fully drawing penises, no matter what he tells you!

    Haley-Os last blog post..Fahklempt: The Monkey and Joni Mitchell


    Comment by Haley-O on June 20, 2008
  23. Very colorful penises. Hey, I’m watching Arrested Development on Hulu right now!

    Chris Cactuss last blog post..The Weeklies #41


    Comment by Chris Cactus on June 20, 2008
  24. I found artwork from first grade where I said, “I love playing Penis”.

    (I SWORE to my mom I meant “Piano” but I’m not sure if she believed me or not).

    Loralees last blog post..Opening night!


    Comment by Loralee on June 20, 2008
  25. Totally unrelated here. But as all the roomies for BlogHer were exchanging numbers I realized that your blog was not on my Google Readeer anymore and I was all like, WTF.

    I have corrected the situation.

    And I’m super excited to text back and forth making fun of people.

    Kristies last blog post..Gah! It’s about time.


    Comment by Kristie on June 20, 2008
  26. I’d say someone in your house has been wearing iPod socks in an improper manner…and in front of the child! hahaha

    If Mike Rowe is already taken I’d totally want Bear Grylls from Man vs Wild. He’s hot, he gets naked at random times, and obviously has some mad survival skills.


    Comment by AJ on June 20, 2008
  27. I can’t even remember what I was going to say because I’m laughing so hard at SleepyNita’s comment. What is going on over at her site?

    threeundertwos last blog post..It’s My Birthday Today! Gifts for me and you.


    Comment by threeundertwo on June 20, 2008
  28. They kind of look like shoes.

    Misss last blog post..Don’t be a one upper


    Comment by Miss on June 20, 2008
  29. Josh’s picture is hilarious. I’m going to guess that he’s drawings mii’s (I just had a panic attack while trying to figure out how to pluralize mii – is it the weekend yet?)

    hillarys last blog post..Can’t You Feel The Blood Rush, Baby Tied Up Too Tight!


    Comment by hillary on June 20, 2008
  30. I’m going with protozoa on the picture. They learn that stuff very early these days.



    Comment by swirl girl on June 20, 2008
  31. THAT picture is so frameable. Don’t you think it would look classy framed in your guest bathroom?

    ohmommys last blog post..Oh. My. Gosh. I am not ready to stop singing.


    Comment by ohmommy on June 20, 2008
  32. Too bad my kids art auction is over. The Bloggess male apparatus thingee sold like wildfire.

    And I’d pick Peter Petrelli too, hands down.

    Aimee Greeblemonkeys last blog post..Boulder Blogger Meetup


    Comment by Aimee Greeblemonkey on June 21, 2008
  33. Ok, so seroiusly… what is the picture of? I like to think I’m imaginative, but… I’ve got nothing.

    Sarahs last blog post..Friday Favorites


    Comment by Sarah on June 21, 2008
  34. I’m thinking shabbat candles… Am I right?


    Comment by Noah on June 21, 2008
  35. You had me at Gob Bluth. AD – funniest show in the last 10 years. OK – top 3 funniest.

    A Whole Lot of Nothings last blog post..Photohunt: Water


    Comment by A Whole Lot of Nothing on June 21, 2008
  36. Your list is perfect. Although I have to go with Ben over Locke. Ben always has a plan remember…

    Hockeymans last blog post..My Favorite Parenting Idea


    Comment by Hockeyman on June 21, 2008
  37. They are dildos. OBVIOUSLY.

    Karlys last blog post..The One Where You (yes, YOU!) Get To Kick My Husband’s Ass!


    Comment by Karly on June 22, 2008
  38. Of course, it’s a picture of … er … um … that is …

    Teena in Torontos last blog post..Sunday workout


    Comment by Teena in Toronto on June 22, 2008
  39. I’m going with purses. Yup, purses.

    That or markers, that’s a good guess, too.

    I’m gonna raise your #’s 4 & 5 and add to it Vaughn (Alias)(HAWT!), Marshall & Lily (HIMYM).

    VDogs last blog post..Supermodel (You Better Work!)


    Comment by VDog on June 22, 2008
  40. So nobody got that they were light sabers…

    My top hit right now is some variation about Dooce and her Today Show appearance. Either that, or icky daddy-daughter stuff.

    SciFi Dads last blog post..Three Stories From The Weekend


    Comment by SciFi Dad on June 23, 2008
  41. [...] « tuition well spent…and a race around the world [...]

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  42. [...] it, i tell them it’s “diet food” so i don’t have to share. my son channels his inner Superbad and i post it on the internet. i dropped Josh when he was a baby…during a diaper [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » mother.of.the.year. (7 years running!) on July 24, 2008

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