April 21 08

as a child of four extra hardworking parents, my siblings and i spent a lot of our childhood with nannies. or grandparents. so many of my memories…driving around town to find my brother the perfect pair of red and black fly skateboard shoes, sitting in the front of the tv watching Jessica McClure’s rescue from the well, getting punished for accidentally getting our slime stuck to the popcorn ceiling,

going bowling in the middle of the day…these all were with our nanny, Torita. (i swear, that was her name. and yes, there were many a Dorito reference because we were kids. and kind of assholes)

but, there were times when my professional parents stopped working. vacations. back in the day before cell phones and email. Myrtle Beach. LA. Boston. New York. Bahamas. Israel. San Diego. granted…my dad DID have one of these…

ah, yes, the Zack Morris phone…but thankfully, he didn’t bring it on family trips. and holidays. it’s Chrismukah with my dad and stepmom, and it’s Passover with my Mom and stepdad.

as a kid, i loved Passover. My parents were home. I got new clothes. I got to SING in front of people (dear god, how i loved that. shit. Emily is ME). I got to drink four cups of wine grape juice (even back then i enjoyed the sauce). The food was always amazing. chicken soup with matzo balls (we ONLY got matzo balls on Pesach) we got to stay up late. 11, 12, 1am! we got presents for finding or stealing the precious afikomen. bikes, toys, whatever we wanted, we bargained for it (although my little brother still didn’t ever get his trip to see McHale’s Navy with my stepdad. and we still bring it up. every year) these were great times for me and my sister, who usually had to be excused from the table to control our laughing fits.

these were the times to remember (oh, come on, try to pretend you don’t know that song…) (and that you aren’t singing it in your head right now.) (old school Billy Joel. rawk on)

but now that i am an adult, Passover really is just a giant pain in the ass. the cleaning. the cooking. the guests. the crumbs (seriously, nothing makes more crumbs than matzah). the food…SUCKS. i mean, yes, i get the whole, “not eating bread for a week” deal…but coffee? why does coffee have to be kosher for passover? really? was that REALLY god’s intention when this holiday was thought out. “the Jews left Egypt in such haste that they didn’t have time to let their bread rise…and surely they didn’t have time to stop at Tim Horton’s…so no bread for you! and no Tim Horton’s! or Starbucks! or Second Cup!”

and a dishwasher? i mean, come on, there weren’t dishwashers back then. and did you know that you have to SELL the contents of your house? and then buy it back after Passover is over? what? seriously? if i’m selling it anyway, why do i have to clean it? okay, also…they make kosher for passover paper goods.

i like the traditions of the holiday. i love seeing what my kids bring home from school. i love having Isabella show me her ten plagues project “Mommy, he had froggies in his HAIR! in. his. hair!” I love hearing Josh sing his seder plate song…”The Marror tastes miserable, because the Jews were slaves and they were miserable!” (his teacher is a total poet. who knew that miserable and miserable rhymed?!)

i like getting together with friends and family. and i like to eat. and i still like to be forced to drink 4 cups of wine. and i like giving my kids that chance to have total mommy and daddy time. because i know i longed for it as a kid. and i’m sure they long for it too.

it would just be a whole lot nicer if it didn’t have so many rules…;)

  1. I feel for you as I sit here drinking my double double and eating my bagel…I hope it was a fun weekend though – and puke free? You didn’t mention if there were any more sickies so hopefully that means not?


    Comment by KathyM on April 21, 2008
  2. you’re really just bitter because you don’t get your coffee right? :)

    can you sneak it .. hmm .. no, well, dang it, I would be a total crabby too :0.

    Happy Passover!

    (btw .. Christmas I love, but parts of it can be a pain too – but to know we are making memories for our kids .. totally WORTH it .. so I guess that is why our parents did all this for us too !)


    Comment by Sarah on April 21, 2008
  3. I TOTALLY get this post! This Sunday is Greek Orthodox Easter, which I loved as a kid & still love. For the Greeks this is bigger than Christmas (bcus if you know any true Greeks they like to focus more on suffering vs. happy times). So this week (Holy Week) means nothing which comes from an animal…meaning NO MILK in my coffee, using coffe whitener – YUCK!!!


    Comment by Maria on April 21, 2008
  4. Hey, I actually ‘get’ some of your passover references. I recently went to a ‘lesson’ on passover. And until you just described the kid involvement with the Afikomen, I did not understand that part at all? We kept hoping to get an invitation to a Seder, but I don’t think our friends liked us enough. And then we moved, now we don’t know anyone anymore…

    I’ll have to live through yours.

    Good&Crazy’s last blog post..Mundane Made Maddening


    Comment by Good&Crazy on April 21, 2008
  5. You know what happens to new mom brain?

    I cleaned everywhere, and set aside a hametz cabinet. I did everything I should have. Accept- I forgot to throw out the BREAD in my breadbox!

    GD will forgive me, I have two 5 month olds.

    Hope you had a fun seder. I passed out, halfway through.

    Maya’s last blog post..Wordless Saturday


    Comment by Maya on April 21, 2008
  6. I know. Sometimes religious rituals seem irrelevant in modern times. As someone who practices no religion I often look curiously upon these traditions and wonder if they have meaning to those participating or are simply annoying.

    I think the whole giving up coffee thing is so that you can relate to what your ancestors had to give up and did for all Jews…right? Probably not a bad lesson to learn and a good reminder of how lucky we are.

    Anyhoo…off to Starbucks ;)

    Jen Maier’s last blog post..When someone else says it best


    Comment by Jen Maier on April 21, 2008
  7. I bet if you would have asked, there would have been people willing to buy your stuff from you before Passover and sell it back afterwards. But you didn’t, and now you have sinned against the covenant (or something like that) and will have frogs in your coffee tomorrow (or something like that).

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..TRS: A Date Night And Other Adventures


    Comment by SciFi Dad on April 21, 2008
  8. You are supposed to sell your stuff? What the?

    I am clueless as to the passover rituals, but am happy that you got some good family time in.

    I hope you and Timmy’s had a good reunion :)

    Angella’s last blog post..Plastic Is Drastic


    Comment by Angella on April 21, 2008
  9. Oh I am enjoying passover because it means I can’t send lunch for my son, they have to cook for him all this week..woo hoo, one less ting to remember in the morning.


    Comment by Becca on April 21, 2008
  10. Oh I am enjoying passover because it means I can’t send lunch for my son, they have to cook for him all this week..woo hoo, one less ting to remember in the morning.

    Becca’s last blog post..Free to good home


    Comment by Becca on April 21, 2008
  11. Judaism seems so much more exciting than Christianity to me. Seriously. Being from Texas, I didn’t know a single Jewish person until I was in LAW SCHOOL. Can you even believe that???

    slynnro’s last blog post..Random Crap I am Calling A Post


    Comment by slynnro on April 21, 2008
  12. It has been interesting to learn more about Judaism through blogging. I’ve learned more about Passover in the past week than ever before. Now I want to try all of these interesting Jewish dishes.

    180/360′s last blog post..The Grass Roots & Boots of Blogging


    Comment by 180/360 on April 21, 2008
  13. You had me at slime. I LOVED that stuff!

    Burgh Baby’s last blog post..Yes, We Have Two Dogs


    Comment by Burgh Baby on April 21, 2008
  14. I am Jewish knowledge impaired! I had no idea there were so many Passover rules!


    Comment by Jennifer on April 21, 2008
  15. I’m so with you on the “rules” in relgions. Like as a Catholic, you can murder people and ask for forgiveness but GOD FORBID you eat meat during Lent. Or use birth control.

    *Gasp!* For shame!

    Kristabella’s last blog post..4/19/08 – The Day I Officially Became Old


    Comment by Kristabella on April 21, 2008
  16. I couldn’t survive Passover. Not without coffee. I could live without bread but not with out my java.

    I live in fear that my kids will stick that slime goop onto my popcorn ceilings…cuz I did it too. LOL.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Mirror, Mirror On the Wall


    Comment by Redneck Mommy on April 21, 2008
  17. I love the seder, but there is no way in hades that I’m staying kosher.
    Oh wait, we don’t believe in hades.
    See, no worries. Off to Tim’s!

    kgirl’s last blog post..Eat Me: Soup’s On


    Comment by kgirl on April 21, 2008
  18. No coffee?????

    I’m so sorry.

    nomotherearth’s last blog post..The Straight Poop


    Comment by nomotherearth on April 21, 2008
  19. Jessica McClure!!! OMG havent heard that name in years!!

    Miss’s last blog post..100 Things (Well 55 things anyways)


    Comment by Miss on April 21, 2008
  20. that slime? my bff and i used to make our own out of flour and water. WAAAAYYYY hard to hide, as it stained the ceiling when it stuck!

    pgoodness’s last blog post..Arbitrary musings


    Comment by pgoodness on April 21, 2008
  21. That comic is CLASSIC! Ha! And, you do WAY more than I do for Passover. I just eat. My mom does EVERYTHING!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Ode to Betsey….


    Comment by Haley-O on April 21, 2008
  22. starbucks coffee is mostly kosher for passover, and so is all other plain coffee that’s usually kosher

    did you become less religious recently?


    Comment by longtime reader on April 21, 2008
  23. This is seriously the funniest post I have read in a long time.

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Wham, bam, thank you ma’am!


    Comment by mamatulip on April 22, 2008
  24. You had a nanny named Torita? SERIOUSLY??? OMW! You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried!

    Sorry about the coffee… words can’t express the pain of a caffine-less… week? Is that how long you were coffeeless?

    Now I want to try matzah. Can you have an online Passover for us all next year? I will stay breadless with you for the week!!!

    Jana’s last blog post..Ingredient of the Week – Suggestions Anyone?


    Comment by Jana on April 22, 2008
  25. I love the description as the Zack Morris phone. Very cool.

    Chris’s last blog post..Get In My Belly…No, Wait


    Comment by Chris on April 22, 2008
  26. We had a n assortment of nannies as kids and yes we also had lots of wierd and wonderful names to take the micky out of, Happy days


    Comment by Alex Peters on October 15, 2010
  27. I bow down humbly in the presence of such graneetss.


    Comment by Cherilynn on June 2, 2011

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