March 20 08

i should have known that when i opened up the floor for questioning, that someone would ask this.

Quid pro quo.

What’s your most embarrassing story that you’re willing to share?

it’s my own fault.  i asked him the VERY same question. embarrassment and i are like peas and carrots. best friends. Two stories in particular stick out in my mind, mostly because they are legendary ali-makes-an-ass-out-of-herself stories.

story #1: Ali and friends are sitting around watching The Karate Kid. (shut up, you know you love it too) Now, if you’ve ever watched a movie with me, you know that it is difficult for me NOT to mouth along every. single. word. i have a strange, strange brain that can’t remember that i was supposed to get milk after work, but can remember every single line to every single movie i have ever seen.

so…close to the end, i turn to the husband and say, all innocently, “Sweet the lick? is that some sort of weird karate move? that line never made any sense to me. why does he tell him to sweet the lick?”

Mike, in hysterics, turns to me and says, “it’s sweep. the. leg. he’s telling him to sweep his leg. to cheat.”

me = red face.

story #2: when we first became friends with Jack and Ilana, they graciously invited us over to their house. and i graciously stuck my ass through one of their wicker chairs. no, i’m not kidding. i barely knew them, i got up to reach something, and when i sat back down, i went ass first straight into the back of their chair.

they have since gotten new dining room chairs. and have still not gotten rid of me…so i didn’t make that horrible of an impression. they do enjoy telling the story to people, however.

which story is worse?

i didn’t know that someone was going to ask me what my favorite cheese was…

What is your favorite cheese?

i am a cheeselover. because i am a cheesehead.

i think, though, that my favorite has got to be an Irish cheddar. because it’s marbled with Guinness Beer. and cheese and beer together = awesome.

What is your:

Most irrational fear? 

this one is easy. it’s vomit. and i know it’s irrational. but it’s a fear nonetheless. a fear that makes me incapable of proper parenting when my children are sick. a fear that makes me think every cough during the night is a child vomiting. a fear that makes me nervous anytime anyone says their stomach hurts. a fear that makes me nervous to go on buses. or boats. it’s called Emetophobia.

Favorite book?

Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger.


white chocolate reese’s peanut butter cups. yum.

but i like lots of candy. mmm…candy. i like sour candy. and twizzlers. and gummy candy. mmm…

i also would like to get my hands on an everlasting gobstopper. because “You can suck ‘em and suck ‘em and suck ‘em, and they’ll never get any smaller.” awe. some.

**please note. this title has nothing really nothing to do with the content you have just read, it’s just one of my favorite movie quotes ever. anyone know the response to this? anyone?

come back tomorrow for some more good times with ali. dy-no-mite! 

  1. Sweet the lick?

    That is HYSTERICAL. I’m laughing so hard I can hardly type.

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Ten things


    Comment by mamatulip on March 20, 2008
  2. What about the questions about your hubby?! Nosy minds want to know!


    Comment by Steph on March 20, 2008
  3. awe.some…. answers.

    Cheese and beer, a combination from the heavens. Yum!

    OHmommy’s last blog post..Coming to America: Part 1


    Comment by OHmommy on March 20, 2008
  4. vomit eh? you’ll be glad you weren’t at my house this week.

    mmmm PB Cups!

    I thought your blog title was from Jerry Maquire, but nope, from Grease?!

    Holly’s last blog post..Vomit


    Comment by Holly on March 20, 2008
  5. sweet the lick. awesome. but i do believe it is worse to go through a new friend’s wicker chair.

    kgirl’s last blog post..Live Blogging: 100th Post


    Comment by kgirl on March 20, 2008
  6. mmm candy…


    Comment by LAVENDULA on March 20, 2008
  7. I think the blog title is from GREASE. Am I right?

    This Mom’s last blog post..My Wedding Day


    Comment by This Mom on March 20, 2008
  8. :) I’m glad I’m not the only one who misunderstands movies and songs…whew! I’m giggling, but I’m also sympathizing with you.


    Comment by PamperedBunz on March 20, 2008
  9. I’m going to say Tombstone although I don’t know why.I guess b/c I love that movie. “I’m here huckleberry!”


    Comment by Scarlett on March 20, 2008
  10. You just don’t see Franny and Zooey get tons of love, so I was totally delighted to see the title on your blog.


    Loralee’s last blog post..When a whore loses her looks…


    Comment by Loralee on March 20, 2008
  11. Mmmm…candy. I LOVE sour candy! I have never heard of white chocolate Reese’s though.

    I may need to try me some of that ;)


    Comment by Angella on March 20, 2008
  12. I’ve had a lifelong passionate relationship with cheese. My parents are both European so I’m sure I was bottle fed it.
    But I also believe dairy is the root of all evil so I gave it up forever… before trying Irish cheddar… DOH!!!!

    jasmine’s last blog post..for the love of vanity


    Comment by jasmine on March 20, 2008
  13. That cheese looks GROSS!!!! The chair story is hilarious.

    LD’s last blog post..A Day With Doodle


    Comment by LD on March 20, 2008
  14. yeah, one of the kids i nanny these days has that fear of vomit. i had no idea about it until his little brother threw up all over me and the kid started screaming in terror. so instead of dealing with one sick two-year-old, i had to deal with one sick two-year-old AND one freaking out five-year-old. all while covered in vomit. good times.

    Lara’s last blog post..I’ve Already Driven You Away, So It Must Be Time for a Meme


    Comment by Lara on March 20, 2008
  15. Clearly you were being tested about that chair thing. You need to humiliate all potential friends.

    Wendy’s last blog post..False Idols


    Comment by Wendy on March 20, 2008
  16. Hey, Franny and Zooey! My chairs are falling apart so be careful where you sit at my place, too.
    Thank God I’m not scared of vomit because I have three queasy, queasy children.

    Rebecca’s last blog post..The Internet Is A Special, Special Place


    Comment by Rebecca on March 20, 2008
  17. That white chocolate peanut butter cup is KILLING ME.

    Haley-O’s last blog post..THURSDAY 13: The Celebrity Eating Edition


    Comment by Haley-O on March 20, 2008
  18. That line was spoken by Sandy Olsen in Grease, to which Frenchy replied “Why, you got psoriasis?”


    Comment by Anna on March 20, 2008
  19. Emetophobia, huh? I thought I was the only one!

    Dory’s last blog post..The One That Almost Was Not


    Comment by Dory on March 22, 2008
  20. I’m playing major catch-up here after yet another computer crash. But your answer on your most irrational fear describes me perfectly. I think my kids just don’t tell me when their tummy hurts now because they get tired of the “Are you feeling better now? You’re not going to puke are you? Maybe it’s just gas?” The poor kids would rather I moved out when they were puking the same way I do if it’s the husband doing the retching. lol


    Comment by AJ on March 23, 2008
  21. Thanks for answering. I would have to know how many people heard the “sweet the lick” comment vs. saw the ass through chair to say which one was worse.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..TDS: The One With The Shelf


    Comment by SciFi Dad on March 23, 2008
  22. [...] since you’ve all heard my “sweet the lick” story, you KNOW i say lots of stupid [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » the expandable fork of doom returns…and why i might actually *like* my 30s on May 16, 2008
  23. [...] you all know how i feel about the Karate Kid, and you’ve all stood by my while i confessed my sweet the lick/sweep the leg fiasco (i’m a creampuff!) but it’s been ages since i’ve seen Karate Kid [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » my worst break-up ever… on May 28, 2008
  24. [...] trumps my sticking my ass through the dining room chair at Jack and Ilana’s AND the ‘sweet the lick’ story or maybe even the shitty blubbery speech i gave at my sister’s wedding or maybe even when i [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » self mock. again. #932 on August 25, 2008
  25. [...] and we all know how i. feel. about. barf. [...]

    Pingback by Cheaper Than Therapy » Blog Archive » cold coffee. on December 1, 2008

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