March 14 08

there are many things my mother does in our mother-child relationship that scream that’s she’s the mother.

buying a brooks brothers tie for the husband. (what kind of good mother-in-law doesn’t do this?) mother. 

taking a peek inside my fridge, being horrified that there’s not enough food to feed her grandchildren, and hauling tail to the supermarket to stock me up on $300 worth of essentials that clearly i’m depriving my family of. mother.

fixing my bra straps in public. mother.

there are however, things my mother does that scream that she’s the child. i blame this on the fact that my mother is the only child of two holocaust survivors.

arguing with me just for the sake of arguing. child. “The sky is blue.” “Actually, Ali, the sky isn’t really blue…it’s actually colorless, but it only looks blue to us.” uhm, okay. sure.

playing the “sulk card” when she doesn’t get her way. child. 

one-upping me on everything. child. “I have a headache, mom.” “Yeah, well, i have a migraine.” “i have tendonitis in my wrist, mom” “oh, well, i had tendonitis. in BOTH wrists!” neener, neener, so there. you can’t possibly complain, because, no matter what, she has it worse!

but last night, something happened that defies all mother-daughter laws.

i had to get up and walk out of the room because the show MY MOTHER was watching was too racy and made ME uncomfortable.  

what? what? what?

how does this even happen? especially with the woman i saw American Beauty with and was HORRIFIED during the opening scene when Kevin Spacey was doing you-know-what to his you-know-what in the shower (if you haven’t seen it. it starts with an “m” and ends with an “e” and has an “asterbat” in the middle). i looked over at her scared, scared eyes and she just said “oh!” and sat paralyzed through the entire movie.

last night she made me watch Lipstick Jungle with her, a show I’d never seen…

i watched the first 10 minutes thinking that one of the girls was Janet from Beverly Hills, and that Brooke Shields’ eyebrows STILL bother me, but dear god does she have great hair, and ohmigosh! that’s Andrew McCarthy (*swoon* even though he’s 150 years old) and then it hit me. the sex. the sex. the innuendos. the conversations. the sex. the nakedness. the elicit affairs. the sex.
THE. SEX.

and my mother was eating it all up. she was in 7th heaven. (a show i would peg her to enjoy. much more than this!)

(did i mention the sex?)

what’s happened to my mother? (hussy!)

what’s happened to me? dear lord, what’s happened to me???

i had to get up. and go upstairs. and watch the beauty that was LOST last night. Ah, Ji Yeon! and Kevin Johnson!!! Kevin Johnson! Kevin Johnson!

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  1. I’ve heard LJ is good, but I have yet to tune in. LOL.. I now know why people are watching it. Spicing up the WINTER!!!

    OMG – LOST – OMG OMG OMG!

    Holly’s last blog post..A Commerical Break

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    Comment by Holly on March 14, 2008
  2. I can’t tell you how much I can relate to that story…but mine happened with my dad, the former Baptist PREACHER! hahaha He’s forever watching these “good foreign films” and when I finally sat down to watch one with him I felt like I was sitting in their living room watching softcore porn with my dad! That, my friend, was the very definition of awkward. lol

    [Reply]

    Comment by AJ on March 14, 2008
  3. Wait?!? Originally you were going to watch Lipstick Jungle instead of Lost?!? Are you kidding me?

    Holy crap. I don’t even have words right now.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..SFD: Pick The Lies – Results

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    Comment by SciFi Dad on March 14, 2008
  4. okay…i emailed scifidad back…but this must be said.

    NEVER would i pick LJ over lost. i have a PVR people! my parents are in town and we were out for dinner and Emily’s play and then we came home and i wanted to hang with my mom (who doesn’t watch lost) and then i was going to watch lost at 11…but since i gave up on LJungle at 10:30, i watched LOST earlier than i’d planned.

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    Comment by ali on March 14, 2008
  5. Damn – I wish I had waited to read this. I haven’t seen Lost yet – PVR’d. Michael’s back? Must go watch…

    LoriD’s last blog post..Food hang-ups

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    Comment by LoriD on March 14, 2008
  6. My mom pulls her child card more often then I would like. Sometimes I feel as though she thinks shes my sister and is in competition with me! Its pretty sad and I swore I would NOT do that to my daughter- and now I have two. I better step it up.

    Lost- love that show! my daughters nightly ritual of bath, bottle, bed just happened to fall at 8:50pm! I did what I could in 10 minues and looked over at my husband, told him to take it from here- while I sat on my big king sized bed- baby free, watching lost. oh the little things in life.

    Maya’s last blog post..Hump Day

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    Comment by Maya on March 14, 2008
  7. This post reminded me of the time my 92-year-old grandma told me about a new show she’d watched called Nip Tuck. How she thought it was going to be a show about sewing but it turned out to be all smut. And how she couldn’t wait to watch it the following week.

    hillary’s last blog post..Your Face Reminds Me Of A Flower

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    Comment by hillary on March 14, 2008
  8. Yeah. I feel you. My parents watch Big Brother.
    WTF???

    TrenchesofMommyhood’s last blog post..On Middle

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    Comment by TrenchesofMommyhood on March 14, 2008
  9. What’s with our Moms? My Mom wanted to watch that show too…crazy!

    Multi-Tasking Mommy’s last blog post..Shhh….don’t tell Mommy!

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    Comment by Multi-Tasking Mommy on March 14, 2008
  10. Lipstick Jungle should be renamed Cougar Jungle. Dirty, dirty mother…

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    Comment by Giblet on March 14, 2008
  11. oh Ali your mom didn’t really adjust your bra strap in public did she?never seen lipstick jungle…

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    Comment by LAVENDULA on March 14, 2008
  12. I have never seen Lipstick Jungle. LOST is on the PVR for us to watch tonight. WOO!

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    Comment by Angella on March 14, 2008
  13. Being ancient, I can tell you it’s cyclic…watch the stuff young…cringe while raising our kids…back to watching and enjoying more than ever at this age. Our kids think WE’RE nuts, of course, they think they invented sex and everything else. hehehe How little they know!!

    Mike S’s last blog post..The Nash/Hudson Metropolitan (1954-1962)

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    Comment by Mike S on March 14, 2008
  14. I’ve heard of that show…. It’s supposed to be the new Sex and the City. But, I can’t imagine it being any good. Brooke Shields is so unconvincing….

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Point Form

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    Comment by Haley-O on March 14, 2008
  15. My mother mothers me to the point where I’m considering moving to Australia and not telling her.
    Luckily, we never watch raunchy shows together. Ick!

    Rebecca’s last blog post..Luck

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    Comment by Rebecca on March 14, 2008
  16. neener neener
    yeah, that’s an only child for sure!
    For a stocked fridge I’d be willing to be nicer to my mom though. She would NEVER do that. If she brings us any food she takes her leftovers home with her.
    Am dying to watch lost. we pvr’d it.
    think I’ll need some of those oreo’s to go with it

    [Reply]

    Comment by lisa b on March 14, 2008
  17. My mom will bring over things she’s just baked/cooked because she thinks I don’t cook enough for her grandchildren. I don’t mind though – luv her cooking!

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    Comment by Maria on March 14, 2008
  18. GAH! I would die!

    Of course, I also found myself saying there were starving children in Africa yesterday and died a little right on the spot.

    :S

    Loralee’s last blog post..Truthiness in Self-Portraits…

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    Comment by Loralee on March 15, 2008
  19. Oh that’s a good one. She’s entered another dimension…somewhere…

    noble pig’s last blog post..I Interrupt These Easter Recipes to Bring You Something From The Emerald Isle…Part 2 of a 2 Part Episode

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    Comment by noble pig on March 15, 2008
  20. Wow, great website, first visit to it. Love your post! Fortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever have this problem; my mother is still watching re-runs of “Magnum PI” and “Murder She Wrote”.

    Ainse’s last blog post..Great Balls of Agate

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    Comment by Ainse on March 16, 2008
  21. I am quite liking LJ – it’s all related to the hot young man that is sleeping with Kim Raver – he’s delightful. And being an old married women, I gotta get my kicks somewhere!

    Teri’s last blog post..Limbo

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    Comment by Teri on March 17, 2008
  22. I’m glad I’ll never have to deal with this. I’m positive my parents have only had sex twice. (I have one brother)

    Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..If just one woman is saved by this post…

    [Reply]

    Comment by Don Mills Diva on March 17, 2008
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