First of all, I just logged into Ali’s dashboard and saw there were a handful of comments needing to be moderated. I’m not a high enough level user to do that, but those of you who were wondering why the site ate your comment– just hold tight, I’m sure she’ll be right on it when she gets back.
Second of all: hi!
Some of you may know me. Most of you probably don’t. So– hopefully this first impression thing is going well. My name is Becca, and I run DasBecca.com right down the road (two streets on the right, can’t miss it). I was really nervous about writing this entry. I’ve never done a guest post before and had no idea what to talk about. Ali told me the sky’s the limit, so she was basically no help at all. Heh.
I decided on a topic I’ve been struggling with a lot personally, and something I think every person can relate to: family size. So get prepared– it’s going to be An Oprah Episode Kind of Post. Right now we have two children, a four year old boy and two year old girl. They’re AMAZING. Love love love. Our plan all along was just to have two, and we’re there. Add to that, our daughter had an extreme scare when she was born– an intercranial hemorrhage– and while the possibility of it happening with another pregnancy is slim, there still is a possibility. We’re finally slowly getting on top of finances. Things are great. We’re happy and we have our hands full. So, when my husband brought up the idea of getting a vasectomy in a few weeks– something we’d even discussed in the past– I should’ve been totally cool with it. But– I’m not. I’m in this weird gray place.
Getting pregnant right now with all the risks involved scares the crap out of me, but in five years there could be a medical answer for and prevention of the problems we had with Addie. We should be debt-free minus our house. I could really want another baby. Or I could be working part-time while the kids are at school, carting them all over to soccer and ballet, and spending time with my sister (who is supposed to move down here and have babies of her own in the near future). I may be thrilled we stopped at two. I just don’t know. I don’t even have, like, a gut instinct.
I’ve heard that little adage about people knowing that they’d always regret the children they didn’t have more than any children they did. That’s my biggest fear. What if we go on to become a five-person family and it’s a mistake? I know I’d love a new child regardless, but I also know there are moms out there who moved from two to three, and it just about killed them. I’ve also heard about mothers feeling complete after the birth of their last child, but I don’t know if I feel that, either. I’m just– neutral.
I know there are people who feel like I shouldn’t have to make a permanent decision at 25, but I really can’t stress enough the timing issue of a future pregnancy. I really feel like I can’t responsibly get pregnant until I know our money and the baby’s health would be in good standing. I don’t want even a small possibility of an accident. Birth control has failed several women in our family, myself included, and I feel like I wouldn’t be sure unless we did something like the vasectomy. If we chose to keep going with over the counter methods, it just seems like it’s a matter of time until I wind up pregnant again, and I should be okay with that, and I’m not.
I don’t know. I’m just thinking out loud. This is why the Internet is such a nice place: because we can meet for the first time, and I can tell you all this drama. If we were sitting in a Starbucks, and I sat down next to you, like, “Should my husband get a vasectomy or not? I’m going to need to tell you all the details so you get a feel for the situation,” most of you would probably politely move a few tables away. And then write about me on your blog. Heh.
I’m not really looking for answers. It’s a personal decision, and I need to figure it out for myself. What I’m hoping to get from you guys is your family situation. How did you decide how many children to have, or if to have children at all? Did you/do you have an idea of what your ideal family looked/looks like? Is that what you have? What was the hardest transition for you (zero to one, one to two, two to three, three to six, etc.)? Did you feel done at any point? Do people ever feel really sure about how many children they have?