August 24 07

i used to be a one coffee a day kind of girl. and way back then it was much more of a social thing than an actual need. Starbucks, and even dunkin donuts, were destinations. places to meet up with friends. to study. to hang out.

when i started working, the one coffee a day became a ritual of sorts. a way to break up the morning. a way to get up from my desk and give my legs a little mandatory exercise (if you can call it that…but, truth be told, i’m on the third floor…so it is a bit of a walk). i liked coffee. i enjoyed coffee. but i wasn’t addicted to coffee. just the fact that i could make it until 10 or 10:30 without having any meant something to me. i wasn’t one of those people – the ones you can’t speak to in a.m. until they’ve had their morning cup. but that wasn’t me. i didn’t even think the caffeine affected me. i could have it at 10am or 10pm and wouldn’t make one bit of difference.

but then i started picking up a coffee at Tim Hortons on my way to work. i blame the “roll up to win” game. and then it became two coffees every morning. one before i got to work, and then i’d still take the 10am coffee break, because those legs, they still needed a movin’.

last week, i experienced something i hadn’t felt before. a headache. a body ache. a need for coffee. it was 11am and i hadn’t had a fix yet. i was anxious. withdrawal. like a madwoman, i raced to get some coffee into my system. and from the moment the shitty cafeteria coffee hit my lips, i knew i was fine. and from that moment forward, i knew i was an addict.

We have a very close family friend who is going through something right now. she’s not even 20 yet, and she’s a heroin addict. She’s a great girl, i’ve known her most of her life, and she actually used to babysit for my kids (which is another worry in itself…). I realize i can’t compare my coffee addiction to what she’s going through, of course, but the basic fundamentals of how she got where she is and how i got where i am are similar. it’s a social thing at first…and then it becomes a habit, or a ritual…and then it becomes a full-on mental and physical need.

i feel for her. and if i were the praying type, i’d pray for her. i hope her latest attempt to get and stay clean works for her. and i’ll stay thankful that my addiction is just to coffee.

please come over and visit me at Fabulous today….where we talk about what the heck i’m going to do with Isabella’s crib once we move her to a big girl bed. (eureka! now i’m finally understanding why someone would buy a convertible crib….too little too late, i suppose!)

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  1. I’m addicted to the wp_comment database table repair utility.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Chad on August 24, 2007
  2. On a somewhat related note, which of these five things does not belong:
    * Caffeine
    * Sugar
    * Cocaine
    * Cannabis (Marijuana)
    * Heroin

    The answer? Nope, not sugar. Cannabis. The other four are all chemically addictive, meaning your body develops a dependence on it, you go through withdrawl, etc. Cannabis is just habit forming because of how you feel… it’s a psychological addiction, not a chemical one.

    [Reply]

    Comment by SciFi Dad on August 24, 2007
  3. Ah, poor girl. But she’s lucky to have you as a family member!

    Another example is Amy Winehouse. What a sad, sad story.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Nadine on August 24, 2007
  4. Addiction has collateral damage. She’s lucky to have you in her corner.

    And also, I don’t smoke, so I’ve replaced smoke breaks with coffee breaks and I need them just as regularly or I start saying hulkish things like, “ME MAD! ME DRINK NOW!”

    [Reply]

    Comment by hello insomnia on August 24, 2007
  5. Wait, I have a convertible crib, and it’s a BITCH to convert. It costs more to convert it (you have to buy stuff) than it does to buy a new IKEA bed….

    I think I’m addicted to milk right now. It’s all I think about ;). Preggers cravings!!!!!!!!! At least I go for the nonfat.

    Too bad about your family friend. It’s just so sad. Heroin is one of THE toughest drugs to get out of your system. I’m really sorry to hear about it…..

    [Reply]

    Comment by haley-o on August 24, 2007
  6. Ah, the caffeine headache. I’m one of the few people in the world who do NOT drink coffee or tea, but have found solace in a Coca-Cola drink or Snapple on a regular basis. I was having at least one a day so when I recently chose to give them up, it hurt. Took 4 days of a caffeine headache, but now I’m feeling good. It was the sugar plus the caffeine that was starting to worry me.

    It did make me think about how hard it would be to kick a really hard addiction, like your friend’s, because all I wanted to do was have a Coke to make the headache go away.

    [Reply]

    Comment by mamakie on August 24, 2007
  7. I AM the praying type… so I’ll do it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by jasmine on August 24, 2007
  8. Now that I think about it… your thoughts, concern, worry and wishes for your family friend to get strong and get better and fight her battle are no different than my “prayers” – the motive and the intention are the same and neither can’t hurt for trying.

    [Reply]

    Comment by jasmine on August 24, 2007
  9. If you like, Ali, I can add her to my prayer list. It couldn’t hurt.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Rebecca on August 24, 2007
  10. Aaaaaaaah our stories are so similar. I started off as a one cup of coffee girl myself.

    And then I lived with a coffeeholic. She owned one of those fancy schmancy coffeemakers that you could program the night before and an espresso machine. Soon it was coffee all the time.

    The first time I had a *headache* I swear I thought it was a brain tumor. I don’t get headaches. Ever.

    For the new year I eliminated Diet Coke and caffeine in general from my daily diet. But “meeting for coffee” is unavoidable — so I’m back to one cup of Java a day and hope to keep it that way.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Mala on August 24, 2007
  11. My love for coffee is something I never want to give up even if it means switching to decaf.

    I hope your friend gets the help she needs and that she has a lot of loved ones there for her.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Jana on August 24, 2007
  12. I’ll keep your cousin in my thoughts. That sounds really hard, Ali.

    [Reply]

    Comment by Oh, The Joys on August 24, 2007
  13. Caffeine withdrawal sucks…I remember headaches when I couldn’t have my morning coffee because I was having a blood test or surgery or something.

    I have a friend who is 30 who just celebrated her 5th anniversary of sobriety. It was her THIRD stint in rehab…financed by her parents who are saints….that finally did it.

    She said she realized she had hit rock bottom when she woke up in a crack house. It can be done…a supportive family is such a huge advantage!

    [Reply]

    Comment by Di on August 25, 2007
  14. Oh…and to be utterly irreverent…I just found out that one of MY former babysitters is stripping in Myrtle Beach!

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    Comment by Di on August 25, 2007
  15. hello, my name is Kristi Rush… and I am an a.d.d.i.c.t. God damnit!!

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    Comment by Kristi on August 25, 2007
  16. mmmmmmm. coffee. It’s bitter, it doesn’t really taste that good, and it gives me headaches. I love it.

    [Reply]

    Comment by mrs incredible on August 26, 2007
  17. My first year of teaching, the week before christmas someone made a tim hortons run and the hot bevy made me happy. Too happy. I knew I was an addict.

    [Reply]

    Comment by lisa b on August 26, 2007
  18. I am totally addicted too. Once I had to go off of coffee becasue I was getting headaches. When I went off of it, I had withdrawl headaches. I was damned either way.

    [Reply]

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