August 9 05

well..for starters, my 4-year-old is driving me batty. Granted, my defenses are down and my coping skills are not so great at the moment, but she’s seriously insane. The crying, kvetching, whining, and screaming have just got to stop, or i will have to move out of my house. she can’t deal with life. i swear, i come upstairs for 3 minutes in the morning and there she is knocking at my door, screaming about something that happened with Jhoanne. why can’t the two of them figure it out? why does she always think that mommy is going to save the day? and why doesn’t jhoanne take the initiative to deal with her? that’s what she’s there for. not for me to stand in the shower listening to the girl pound on my door for the duration of the ENTIRE SHOWER.

and the boy. he’s had a really bad cold for the past week, thus causing mid-night wakings ALL NIGHT. granted, the husband has been amazing at dealing with these and he’s not making me get up – i’m so thankful for this – but it’s disturbing my already disturbed sleeep. i need to be taking advantage of all the sleeping time i have left.

and the questions. they start with “How’s the baby?” from my nanny every time she sees me. how do i even answer a question like that? how IS the baby? what exactly is she looking to find out? then i get the “You’re still pregnant?” um, no asshole, i’ve had my baby already, but i still look like a heifer. but thanks for rubbing that in. and then there’s the ever popular, “Aren’t you like a week overdue?” um, no, not due until tomorrow. but thanks. i needed that. How about the fun “When is the baby coming already?” oh, yes, since obviously i know the answer to that one… argh. i’m going to shoot someone. or at least stop answering the phone and going out where i could see people that i know!

i think if i wasn’t having crazy contractions for at least 5 hours consistently EVERY SINGLE DAY that just stop suddenly, i wouldn’t be so depressed. I seriously am convinced that my body doesn’t dilate on its own. it’s really not a crazy theory. i didn’t dilate on my own with my other two, and it took pitocin up at its highest dosage to even make a dent in my cervix. i think my body is trying its hardest to go into labor, but just can’t. meanwhile, i’m dealing with painful contractions all the time, horrible cramping, and compelete overall feeling of crap (think first trimester) it’s just so unenjoyable. i can’t take advantage of my time to relax since i can’t relax.

can someone please put me out of my misery??

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