we are a crayola crayons kind of family because my children simply cannot be trusted with markers or pens. (it’s not because I love to sniff crayons. no ma’am. it’s not. pinky swear) (ps. side note…did you know that you can buy crayon perfume? seriously. WHA?) I mean, seriously. Each of the children has made me at least one lovely sharpie masterpiece on a completely inappropriate canvas…like, oh, my bedroom wall. or you know, something that can’t be touched up, like my white down comforter.
or, you know, one of them tattoos himself…
I love my mom.
which, you know, is sweet in its sentiment, but becomes not so sweet when you are standing at your sink at 7:20 in the morning attempting to scrub this off of his arm (please note: picture was taken after ten minutes of scrub) while you really have more pressing things to do, like deciding whether or not you need to put on a brassiere to take the kids to school. And like explaining to Emily that you don’t really care that the girl in 4th grade has a double pierce – she still can’t have one . And like telling her every.single.thing. that she missed on Project Runway last night because we still don’t have a DVR and we are afraid to touch my dad’s tv because he is VERY protective over it and we don’t like getting in trouble. And like finding an umbrella because it’s torrentially pouring outside and your stubborn dog will not relieve himself in the rain even though he’s a dog for chrissake and you just know how this one is going to end. (allow me to paint a – sharpie-free! – picture for you…Ali is soaking wet picking doggy doodie up off of the floor. awesome)
also, the sentiment is less sweet when you are now afraid that your son is going to be one of those assholes who actually does sport a mom tattoo. I mean, we Jews are all anti-tattoo (sadly…because my sister and I have already talked about what we’d get – matching snowflakes…because, you know, we grew up in Wisconsin. also? pretty and tasteful) but if one day he was going to get one, I can only hope and pray that he’d get something total rad; something I could envy.
so, until further notice, he is back on crayons only.