it’s no secret that i totally girl-crush all over Kristin from Camels and Chocolate. i couldn’t even tell you how we found each other…Working Closet, maybe? She and i share a love of good grammar and How I Met Your Mother and everything pumpkin flavored. and we even got to meet in person this Christmas in Atlanta. she’s awesome.

she’s me, only better! i interview people like Christopher Bolton which, HELLO, totally awesome for me, but she interviews people like, um, well, Sean Pennm which, HELLO, SEANPENNOHMIGOD. So, when she offered to interview ME, how could i possibly say no?!??

Kristin: We all know you’re a publishing superstar, but do we know how you got started in the industry?

Ali: this, sadly, is NOT a very exciting story. I am a writer. I have always been a writer. I have about 17 notebooks filled with half-finished stories and poems and short stories and ideas sitting in a huge cardboard box in my mother’s house (and i will be at her house the last weekend in March. and you *know* i will be bringing back some samples to mock myself with show you). I always knew i would do something writing related. Because my high school guidance counselor was completely and totally useless (“be a teacher! that’s what Jewish women become! or maybe an occupational therapist! or maybe you’ll just be a stay-at-home-mom”) Uninspired, i looked to my 10th grade English teacher-turned-12th grade yearbook adviser (YES, i was the editor of my high-school yearbook and YES, i DID go to fucking yearbook camp. don’t judge!) and she told me, point blank, “you, my dear, are going to be an editor” and she was right.

Kristin: When you write your memoir, what will it be called?

Ali: “They aren’t balls, they are poisonous beans…and other things short people have told me”

the short people in my life? they are fucking cool…

Kristin: What job would your readers be shocked to know you held at one point (or um, can you actually shock your readers anymore?)?

Ali: While i was still earning my degrees in higher education, in the summer of 1998, just a month after we got married, i worked for a company called Ketubah Ketubah. I worked out of a tiny apartment in midtown Toronto (is NYC the only city where they call it ‘midtown’?). I sold ketubahs – basically, erm, Jewish prenups – to engaged couples.

Kristin: You’re at a dinner party with Tina Fey, Ed Harris, Oprah, Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen Degeneres, Sean Penn, Matthew Fox and Josh Duhamel. You only have time to chat with four of them. Who do you snub, who do you befriend, who intimidates you too much to approach, who do you smuggle out the back door for one night of passion when hubby’s not looking?

Ali: hrm…this is, obviously, a tough one. damn you, Kristin, these questions are supposed to be easy! i would probably chat with: Sean Penn (even though Kristin has told me how much of a dick he is) (as the lovely Metalia told me, “the heart wants what the heart wants”)

Tina Fey, Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen Degeneres.

too intimidating? Oprah and Ed Harris. they both scare me justalittlebit.

getting snubbed? Matthew Fox. because, seriously, who isn’t over Jack on LOST? actually, with the exception of Hurley, who isn’t over THE ENTIRE OCEANIC 6? and not just because Sun-With-A-Vengeance gives me nightmares….

(officially scarier than Ben Linus AND the little creepy kid from The Shining…even when he’s screaming REDRUM! REDRUM! REDRUM!)

(also…just to clarify…i LIVE for LOST. i usually watch it twice on Wednesday nights because ali=loser and then i force my friends to talk about it all week…i’m just ready for the Oceanic 6 to be back on the island already)

ps. i don’t think i need to tell you that Josh Duhamel is getting the smuggling. heh.

Kristin: Is it tough having a daughter 23 years your junior who’s just so much cooler than you? Is she finally going to drive you to therapy?

Ali: yes. and yes. she still tolerates me right now…because she’s only 8 and i let her have things like SLEEPOVER BIRTHDAY PARTIES WITH 12 OF HER CLOSEST FRIENDS. gah. hold me. and i take her on mom-and-Emily adventures. and i still pay the bills around here…

AND i still have things to hold over her head…like this:

Kristin: If you were a character on How I Met Your Mother, which one would you be (and Robin is so the cliche answer here, just so you know!)?

Ali: aha, you’d think i’d pick Robin because of the whole Canadian thing, eh? (like how i threw in that sneaky little ‘eh’ ?!??) but the truth is…i’m totally 100% TED MOSBY. he’s judge-y and correct-y. He talks about how long he’s been vomit-free. he thinks ‘hanging chad’ costumes are funny.

PS:

If you would like to participate in the ME interview, here are the rules.

1. If you want to be interviewed, leave me a comment that says “Interview me”.

2. I will respond by emailing you 5 questions (I get to choose the questions).

3. Update your blog with the answers to the questions and let me know when you have posted it.

4. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When other comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.