This is what a non-football fan says.

“Who cares if the Packers lose? It really makes absolutely no mathematical difference, right?”

This is my answer.

“…”

It’s not really even worth explaining, is it?

It’s not about math.

(Also, I grew up in WISCONSIN. With the exception of beer and cheese and, like, a Happy Days reference, we didn’t have much growing up.)

If I wanted my football watching to be about math, I would probably be a better fantasy football player, which I am not. Because frankly, I don’t understand anything about how it works and, I don’t know, it’s easier to just pay my $$ and consider it a donation. I liked filling out those NCAA braket things. Those were awesome. I picked winners based on how the players looked in their jerseys and how much I liked the team’s colors. That selection method, in fact, turned out to be quite lucrative for me. Fantasy football is nothing at all like this. You have to have a draft and choose players and bench players and actually WORK.

I don’t want to work.

I just want to spend my weekends eating homemade salted caramel doughnuts.

And using my self-timer to take self-portraits. (New avatar! Thoughts?)

And playing monster 6-person games of Settlers of Catan with great friends.

And editing photos from a photoshoot.

And reading ROOM in one sitting.

And building some crazy LEGO pirate ship.

And eating my weight in kettle corn.

And sitting with my son and GASPING WHILE WATCHING THE PACKERS PLAY because ohmigod that was a close one. (And scaring everyone in my twitter feed in the process. Note to self. Do not Tweet this: Dying. DYING! without proper context. It’s frowned upon.)

Even though it doesn’t mathematically matter.

It still matters.