Oh how I love coming home from work to a phone call from the fraud department.
“Mrs. Martell, spending thousands of dollars on your credit is very unlike you. We are thinking these charges to France and to Lebanon and to online jewellery stores are fraudulent.”
“Of course, bank, don’t you know? I am on a BUDGET. If I was spending thousands of dollars I’d be buying myself a sweet, sweet Canon 5D Mark II. I stop in at the Henry’s next door to my office every.single.day to touch it and drool a little bit and pine over it.”
“You can go ahead and cut up the credit card. But as an added bonus for having someone steal from you, we are going to need you to come into the bank with two pieces of ID and you are going to need to sign some papers.”
“Oh goody. I was hoping there would be paperwork involved here. You know, I have so much free time these days.”
I realize this is not world-ending stuff here, folks. People have their credit cards compromised all the time and have to go to their banks and deal with crap. I am not a unique butterfly and I don’t have to pay for the charges. But the control freak in me hates this kind of stuff. Deviations from my routine that don’t involve ogling cameras or lunch dates with lovely people or watching movies being filmed or eating copious amounts of baked goods go into the DO NOT LIKE category for me.
You know, the category that includes pedicures and clowns and tea and traffic and eating things that swim and adding -ista to the end of things and people who don’t signal and people who don’t understand work bathroom etiquette and people who move too slowly in crowded places and oh my heavenly days that Bentley on the Bachelorette and the fact that Weeds in Canada doesn’t start until July and cilantro and back hair and people who stand too close to you in lines and people who don’t smile and my stupid cowlick and people who bring babies to movies.
Lest you think I’m just all ranty right now, there *are* some things making me very happy and go into the LIKE VERY MUCH category, like the Canada Post strike being over so I can finally get my shorts delivered. (YES. I bought myself a pair of shorts. NO. I do not know who I am right now. And finally getting my best friend on Facebook. And spending evenings with her in our jammies just doing nothing. And finally figuring out how to check out FREE digital books from the library without having to deal with, you know, my library fear. And this spin brush that I am unreasonably excited to try. And getting an email from a celebrity that I loved in the 80s. And finishing two really great books in one week – The Invisible Bridge and When God Was a Rabbit. I could not recommend The Invisible Bridge enough to you. It was such a beautiful piece of historical fiction, with its love story sweeping across Hungary during the second world war.
Do not like: 2012 John Cusack
Like very much: Say Anything John Cusack.