It should come as no surprise to any of you that I often partake in things that are just so ridiculous.
I’m that person. “Only you, Ali. Only you.”
So, the fact that I found myself this week with half of my body inside of my mini-van and half of my body running besideÂ my mini-van as it flew backwards out of my driveway and onto my street really shouldn’t be shocking to you. Yes. That happened. It was a move only Nadia Comaneci could pull off. It was reallyÂ contortiony, I swear. I actually can’t even be certain HOW it happened. One minute I was hoisting Isabella out of the car (even though she is six years old and doesn’t need hoisting of any kind but she tends to be super sluggish and I have zero patience when it comes to car dismounting, soÂ hoistingÂ it was) and grabbing my coffee that was bigger than my head.
And then the next minute my carâ€”that had been safely in parkâ€”had moved (ITSELF. Since when are cars allowed to make their own decisions?) into neutral and was moving backwards out of my driveway.
With my body still inside of it.Â
(Whee! A ride!)
So, I rode it out until the van hit the curb on the other side of the street.
I realized that all of my body was still intact, and my giant coffee was still in my hand.
And then I saw her out of the corner of my eye.
The womanâ€”in the fur coatâ€”who had witnessed the entire thing. She stood on the sidewalk and watched my minivan try to escape my clutches whilst pulling me along with it.
AND THEN JUST KEPT ON WALKING.
At first I was annoyed and was all, “Hey! Why isn’t she holding up one of those perfect ten cards? I mean, I nailed the shit out of that dismount! And why aren’t they playing Nadia’s theme?”
And then I was really upset and was all, “Wait a minute. This woman just watched this happen. Just stood there while all of this was going on. And then walked away. She didn’t even ask me if I was okay.”
She just kept on walking.
WHO DOES THAT?!
She’s was probably going home to tweet and facebook about the wee woman she just watched van-surf down the street of her neighborhood…