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Arch. Enemies.

The Family

22 Jan

Like her, I cannot stand the phrase ‘pet peeve’ and it’s, if you will, a pet peeve of mine. I prefer to call them something else, like, say my arch enemies. They are the Cady Heron to my Regina George. The Johnny Lawrence to my Daniel Larusso. The Mama Fratelli to my entire Goonies team, except for Martha Plimpton because really she wasn’t actually a Goonie and totally whined the entire movie.

Anyway, I have been fighting with my directTV and my photoshop elements this week and so I was already feeling a little bit like the arch enemies are just crawling out of the woodwork, so I figured that this week’s girl talk thursday came at just the right time. Only today is Friday. But, you know, I work at home, so you could tell me that today is a Tuesday in February and I’d be all, “SWEET! Is the LOST premiere on tonight because I am really pumped to get the skinny on this Jacob dude already?”

So, here you go, it’s an incomplete list, because I am easily annoyed.

It annoys me…

…when my kids don’t pay any attention to the obvious “you cannot talk to me because I’m on the phone” finger wag and continue to talk to me while I’m on the phone.

…that there are NEVER any pens. EVER.

…that people don’t think Shia Labeouf looks like giant wiener.

…that the skype pen shows people when I am typing something.

…that I have to pay for my gas inside because my Canadian credit card has a 6-digit zip code that includes some letters and apparently, pay-at-the-pump machines are too stupid to recognize this.

…when someone finishes the toilet paper and doesn’t replace it and you don’t realize until you are already midstream and then you have to figure out how in the hell you are going to make that work.

…that the best cereals completely destroy the roof of my mouth.

…when my kids chew beside me.

…when I have to change the DVD in the car.

…when people use the word slacks. and the word panties.

…people cannot figure out how a four-way stop works.

…when people do not figure things like traffic and oh! I have children into their estimations of how long it’s going to take them to be somewhere and they end up being ridiculously late and I – who does build in time for traffic and children – end up having to wait.

…that they even MAKE NON washable Crayola markers.

…when my dog takes a shit on the book I am reading.

…when pants are too short.

…when I have insomnia.

…when people who don’t have accents use accents when talking to foreign people. My husband does this when talking to Israelis.

18 Comments

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Comments

  1. C @ Kid Things says

    January 22, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    …when my dog takes a shit on the book I am reading

    Um… haha!

    My mom says panties. ALL THE TIME. Even when referring to boys underwear. I try to correct, but really there’s no point.

    Reply
  2. Camels & Chocolate says

    January 22, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    I agree with about 90% of these. And the ones I can’t agree on are because I’m neither Canadian or a mom.

    Reply
  3. Kristabella says

    January 22, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    I love you. That is all.

    But how come Gabe doesn’t talk to me in a Chicago accent? I feel left out!

    Reply
  4. Nenette says

    January 22, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Oh yeah, I completely agree with the Crayola markers, “slacks”, lack of pens, and OMG, Shia Leboeuf! Holy crap, what is up with that last one?!

    My cousin, who doesn’t speak a word of Tagalog, talks in English to our grandmother in a Filipino accent. Makes me want to scream! Dood, she still doesn’t understand you!!! Gah!

    Reply
  5. Mama Bub says

    January 22, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Me too with the slacks and panties. *Shudder.*

    And really, wtf Crayola.

    Reply
  6. slynnro says

    January 22, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Um, excuse me? I showed you the Debit Card Trick!
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..Brucey Say What? =-.

    Reply
  7. Liam Wilkes says

    January 22, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    hahahaha @mama Bub

    Reply
  8. Cheap Web design blackburn says

    January 22, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    sorry i meant nanette

    Reply
  9. Alison of a Gun says

    January 23, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Ohhhh man, the kitchen manager at my restaurant job would do that crap! He was from Ohio or something but would talk to the Mexican kitchen dudes with a Mexican accent and broken English. WHYYYY????

    Reply
  10. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says

    January 23, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    I’m pretty sure “ali” is Canadian for “pet peeve.”

    Reply
  11. fadkog says

    January 24, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    there’s a 5-way stop that funnels through the most used intersection in my town and it sucks all driving ability out of people as we sit there and yell “GO!!” to each other. blech.

    Reply
  12. pixielation says

    January 24, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Your dog actually shits on what you’re reading? Like he manages to get up above you, then shit on you? And he does this often enough to become a pet peeve?

    I am IMPRESSED!

    Reply
  13. Sarah says

    January 25, 2010 at 9:43 am

    99% of these would be on my list .. totally!

    thankfully, my dog does not crap on my book .. lol!

    Reply
  14. Katie says

    January 25, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Are you supposed to giggle whilst reading about other people’s arch enemies? ‘Cause I totally did.
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Living in Hell =-.

    Reply
  15. Maria says

    January 25, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    I do that accent thing sometimes. It makes me feel like such a douchenugget.

    Reply
  16. Kalle says

    January 26, 2010 at 12:59 am

    YOu have read my mind!

    Reply
  17. Kerri Anne says

    January 26, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    “…that people don’t think Shia Labeouf looks like giant wiener.”

    HAAA.

    Alas my love for Shia has destined me to annoy you forever. Or, at least until I meet him and realize he probably really IS a giant wiener.

    Reply
  18. Melme says

    January 27, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    I have to admit that I say “slacks” and “panties” (mostly in reference to my husband’s briefs to annoy him) and that I do the accent thing, but I have no control over it! I’ve lived so many places around the U.S. that if I’m around someone for more than a few minutes my mouth starts forming the same sounds that they’re making! If it’s a southern accent, forget it! I’ll be draaawwlling up a storm!!

    Reply

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About Ali

I am a writer, a mama, a wife, a lion tamer, a diet coke quitter, a juggler, a getter-of-drinks. Read More…

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